


Interesting Development

by Guest9_2



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Eventual Relationships, F/M, Not Canon Compliant, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:14:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 64,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28504314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Guest9_2/pseuds/Guest9_2
Summary: After Barba leaves Olivia standing on the courtroom steps, she gets some interesting news that will turn her whole life around
Relationships: Olivia Benson & Odafin "Fin" Tutuola, Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson
Comments: 193
Kudos: 296





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just finished binge watching all 21 seasons of SVU and have jumped on the Barson ship. This was just an idea I got after watching the episode where Barba leaves. Ignore the lack of tags, it's not my strong suit. For the sake of this story Olivia is around 45 in season 19. This story would not be canon, it may have some bits and pieces from the show but that's it.

"And?" Olivia asked as tears burned her eyes. She knew he had more to say. He had to have more to say, after what they shared he had to have more

"I've got to move on" Rafael said emotionally. It took every fiber of Olivia's being not to start sobbing when he placed a kiss to her forehead

Olivia stood there and looked on as his tan coat disappeared into the sea of blue and black. She blinked back tears. She would not cry, not here in front of the courthouse. She needed to get home as soon as possible

xxx

Olivia felt her tears mixing with the hot water of the shower. How could he just leave?

_Olivia knocked on his door. She wasn't even sure why she came. "Rafa?"_

_He opened the door and pulled her in_

_"Rafa, I shouldn't be here. Not in the middle of your trial, we shouldn't be talking"_

_"I might go to jail" he rushed out_

_"You won't go to jail Rafa" she touched his shoulder. "Everything's gonna work out fine"_

_"Incase it doesn't go well, I need to do this"_

_"Do wha-" Olivia's words were cut off by Rafael pressing his lips to hers. Olivia knew she should push him away but God, this felt so good._

_Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck as she slightly parted her lips._

_Rafael moaned as he swiped his tongue tentatively along her bottom lip. He pulled back for some air a few seconds later and placed his forehead on hers. "Tell me to stop and I'll let you walk away" he said breathlessly_

_"Don't stop" she panted._

_She had woken up some hours later, only covered in his sheet and a note from Rafael on the pillow next to her._

_'I had to go. I'll see you later - Rafa'_

That had been the last time he had spoken to her. Touched her. Kissed her.

Olivia hung her head down. How stupid could she get to think that he would stay just because they had sex. He didn't even look back at the courthouse. He didn't care.

Maybe she was just some notch on his board. Maybe it was just the last plea of a desperate man.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Noah pounding on the door. "Mom! You've been in there a long time. Are you okay?"

"I'll be out soon No. Give me a quick minute"

______

"Hey" Fin greeted when she walked off the elevator

"Hey" Olivia mumbled back

"Look, I heard about Barba leavin'. I just wanna say-"

"Can we just drop it?" Olivia said. "Because I really don't want to talk about it"

Fin nodded. "No problem. Dr. West's trial is starting in about an hour"

"Give me a few minutes" Olivia said before she walked to her office and closed her door. She leaned heavily against it and let out a deep breath before pulling herself together to start her day.

That was the last anyone in the squad spoke of Rafael Barba for the next two months

______

"Noah! Honey! It's time to go!" Olivia called out as she grabbed her bag. She didn't even have time to drink coffee yet. They had both overslept after Noah had woken her up in the middle of the night with a nightmare

"But I don't wanna go" Noah pouted

"You have to go to school" Olivia said ushering him towards the door. 

"If I go, can we have spaghetti for dinner?"

"Spaghetti night is tomorrow sweet boy"

"Can't we have it two nights?" Noah begged

Olivia was too tired to think of a proper answer. "Sure we can even have it three nights if you want. But, we need to get going"

xxx

"Don't you look well refreshed" Amanda teased as she joined Olivia in the elevator.

Olivia chuckled as she took off her sunglasses. "Noah had a nightmare. It took me an hour to get him back to sleep and then another hour for me to get back to sleep" she explained

"Ouch" Amanda winced. "I do not envy you"

"I can't wait to go back home and sleep" Olivia said stifiling a yawn

"Guess you're going to be hugging the coffee today"

______

Olivia's eyes snapped open when she heard her alarm a few mornings later. She glared at the clock. It felt like she had just closed her eyes. For the past three days it felt like she just blinked and it was morning and every part of her body was tired

She let out a deep breath. Even her bones felt tired if that were possible.

The urge to hit snooze and fall back asleep was strong but she fought against it and sat up.

"You're getting old Benson" Olivia mumbled as she swung her legs off the bed. 

Thank God for coffee

xxx

"Detective Tutuola"

Fin looked up to see Chief Dodds near his desk. "How can I help you chief?"

"Is your lieutenant in? I need to speak with her"

"Lemme go check" Fin said getting up and going to Olivia's office

"Hey Liv" Fin started as he pushed open her door. He stopped short when he saw her hunched over her desk. Her head resting on her forearms as she slept.

Damn. He didn't want to be the one to tell Dodds that Olivia was sleeping in the early part of a shift, but he told Dodds he would check. "Ya'll don't pay me enough" he muttered as he walked back to where Dodds was waiting.

"She's unavailable right now"

"So who were you standing up there looking at?" Dodds asked as he pushed past Fin to Olivia's office

"Hey man, don't do that" Fin called out

"Lieutenant Benson" Dodds said with a booming voice

Olivia snapped up, making herself dizzy as blood rushed out of her head. She started blinking rapidly as she wiped the corners of her mouth.

"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" He asked with a raised eyebrow

"N-no sir" she said as she adjusted her blazer. "How can I help you?"

"I thought since I was in the neighborhood, I would pass and collect your progress reports, but seeing as you are oherwise engaged"

"I can get them to you by the end of the week" Olivia offered

"Today is the end of the week"

 _It is?_ "First thing Monday morning."

"I expect them on my desk"

"I'm really sorry bout that" Fin said. "I told him you were unavailable I thought he would leave."

"It's okay" Olivia waved him off. "I shouldn't be sleeping anyway"

"Everything okay?" Fin asked

"Yeah" Olivia pushed herself into a standing position. "Just feels like as soon as I close my eyes at night, it's morning."

"Man, I know that feeling. Coffee's still half full" he pointed out

Olivia gave a small laugh. "If I drink another cup, I'll have a worse caffiene addiction than Rafa"

Fin paused this was the first time she had mentioned Barba. "Well we can't have that. Take a sprite" he offered

______

"Hey any of you seen Liv?" Amanda asked as she closed her office door

"She not in there?" Fin asked

Amanda gave him a stare. "Yes I obviously saw her in there and decided to ask where she was"

Fin rolled his eyes. "What you need her for?"

"Me and Carisi have to chase down a lead, I just wanted to let her know"

"You could always tell me y'know"

"Ehh. You barely count. I would text her. Where's my phone?" Amanda said patting down her body. "Break room"

"You want me to wait?" Carisi asked

"Go Carisi. I'll meet you in the car. Lemme just get my phone and tell Liv where we are"

She walked into the breakroom and stopped when she saw Olivia curled up on the bottom bunk.

"Liv" she said softly as she shook her shoulder. "Liv" she said a bit louder when she got no response.

"Noah" Olivia mumbled sleepily without opening her eyes. "Let mommy sleep"

"It's Amanda. You're in work"

Olivia opened her eyes. "What?" She yawned

"Me and Carisi are gonna go chase down a lead, just wanted to let you know"

"You could have told Fin. There's a reason he's sergeant." Olivia grumbled. She had just closed her eyes. All she wanted was a few minutes

"We go to him when you're not here. I was just going to text you but then I saw you in here" Amanda paused and looked at Olivia. "Everything okay? You usually catnap in your office"

"I'm fine. I just wanted to shut my eyes for a few minutes"

"Are you sure? You've been napping more in the past two weeks"

"Rollins just go" Olivia huffed

"I'll text you the info" Amanda said rushing out of the breakroom

Olivia grabbed her phone that was next to the pillow. She had set an alarm to wake her up in ten minutes. Might as well disable it. Olivia was suprised when she unlocked her phone and saw that twenty minutes had passed. Somewhere along the line she had hit snooze

She needed a pick me up. The coffee pot was too far away and empty. She didn't have the energy to get another pot started. _Take a sprite_. Fin's advice had helped the last time

Olivia went to the vending machine. She smoothed out the money as best as possible before sticking it into the machine. Olivia yawned as she heard the can of soda make its way down. She bent down to get the soda. As she stood back up the room spun slightly.

Olivia put a hand on the vending machine to steady herself. She wanted to take a step towards the chair but her world slowly turned to black

xxx

Fin strode over to the breakroom. With Carisi and Amanda gone, the station was the Q-word. Perfect time for a water break

As he entered the room he spotted a familiar pair of boots on the ground. "Liv" Fin kneeled down next to her and nudged her head slightly. There was no response

"Liv. Olivia" Fin patted her cheek gently. "Somebody call a bus!" He shouted out to the bullpen. "Come on Liv. Wake up"

xxx

Olivia started to wake up in the ambulance. "What?"

"Nice to see you again" Fin said gently

"What's happening?" Olivia asked as she tried to sit up

"Lieutenant, I need you to lay back down" a male voice said and her shoulder was gently pushed back down. Olivia turned and saw a paramedic next to Fin. 

"BP is 100/57" he mumbled as he jotted it down on a clipboard. "Do you remember what happened?"

"I remember getting a soda. That's it"

"Well your friend found you passed out. Any health conditions we should know about?"

"No" Olivia answered. "Unless you count stress as a health condition"

xxx

Fin eased himself into the room after the doctor. "They said what's wrong?" He asked

"He took some blood and said the results should be back in about 15 minutes." Olivia ran a hand along her face. "What happened?"

"You tell me. I came in to get a water and see you sprawled out on the ground"

Olivia groaned. "How many people saw that?"

"Not alot. The few that were there, I threatened to shoot them in their knees if they said a word about this"

Olivia gave a small smile. "Thanks"

Fin shrugged "Hey why have a gun, if I can't shoot people in your honor"

"I just want to get out of here before everyone realizes and starts asking questions"

"You sure you not hiding some secret sickness?" Fin asked

"The only thing that I've been hiding is being exhausted" Olivia answered honestly

"It's been a tough few weeks." Fin put a hand on her shoulder. "You would find out what's happening soon enough"

xxx

The doctor knocked on the open door before entering. "I have your test results"

"Imma be right outside" Fin said getting off the chair

"You could stay" Olivia said. She was honestly nervous, not that she would ever tell Fin. Waking up in the back of the ambulance was not something good. The news was probably not going to be, get some more sleep. She needed some form of emotional support for whatever news they were going to throw at her.

The doctor looked between the two of them before starting "So your blood pressure is still a bit low but that isn't anything of concern. The lightheadedness coupled with vasodilation probably caused your lack of consciousness. Sadly we don't have anything to give you to help with that. I can just advise you to take your time when standing up and continue to eat regularly. Let me just do a quick ultrasound to make sure everything is okay"

"I'm sorry. A quick ultrasound of what?" Olivia asked

"The baby" the doctor said looking between the two shocked faces. "You're pregnant" 

"Now I need to sit down" Fin said


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm not pregnant" Olivia said

"Well the blood work can't lie"

"Then it must have gotten mixed up in the lab, that can't be my results"

The doctor chuckled. "It's one of those days, your blood was the only thing being processed at that time. This is your results"

"That doesn't make sense. Pregnant women have morning sickness and headaches. They get dizzy. I don't have that"

"Not every pregnancy is the same Ms. Benson. I would still like to do an ultrasound"

"No" Olivia all but shouted. "I don't want an ultrasound" she couldn't breathe. "I have... I have to get back to work"

The doctor could feel the atmosphere in the room shift. "There are other options if you and your husband..."

"I'm not her husband" Fin said quickly. "Look man, just get out of here. If we need you, we'll call"

"Fin, I can't be pregnant" Olivia rushed out when the doctor left. "I'm 45 years old. I can't now have my first baby"

"Olivia just calm down. Take a couple deep breaths"

Olivia squeezed her eyes shut. This couldn't be happening. Not right now

"I'm not tryna be in your business but..." Fin trailed off.

She knew what he was asking. _Who was the father_? She had only slept with one man recently

_She grabbed his arm as he reached for the condom. "Don't. I'm clean and I trust you"_

_Rafael looked down at her. His green eyes boring into her brown ones_

_"I want to feel all of you" she whispered_

_"I want that too" he said before nuzzling her neck_

"Rafa" she whispered

"Barba?" Fin's eyes bulged. He wasn't sure he heard correctly. "You and Barba?"

"Yes" Olivia snapped. She ran a hand through her hair. "This can't be happening. I can't do this. I'm almost 50"

Fin touched her shoulder. "Look there are options here. I'm not judging you for whatever choice you make. They don't pay me for that. You decide to go ahead with this or not to go ahead, that's your decision. Just know that I support you in whatever you choose"

Olivia's lip trembled. "I need a personal day"

Fin pushed his hands in his pockets. This wasn't his place to tell her what to do. "Take as much time as you need"

"Don't tell anyone" Olivia whispered

"Wouldn't dream of it"

"If anybody asks I had a meeting with Noah's teacher. I just need to think"

Fin nodded slowly. "You gonna call Barba?"

"I need some time still" Plus he had probably changed his number and she never bothered to get his new one

"Lemme take you home"

"I'm fine"

"Olivia. Let me take you home."

She shook her head. "I need a few minutes alone just to think" she looked up at Fin. "Please. I'll call you when I get home"

Fin sighed. "Be safe okay. Don't space out and go walking into traffic"

"I won't"

xxx

Olivia walked toward an empty bench. She was in the park a few blocks away from her apartment.

It was almost noon. Logic said she should eat something, but emotions said she was too high strung to think about eating.

Olivia leaned back and folded her arms as she thought. She was happy. She had a child. She had Noah.

Sure he wasn't her biological son, but he was still her son nonetheless. Did she need this baby?

Olivia thought back to when she was in college. She almost had an abortion at 19 and just the thought had made her sick and kept her up all night. She couldn't think about going down that rabbit hole again

A baby at this age was rare. And slightly dangerous. It was also scary as hell for a single NYPD lieutenant who already had a 5 year old, and lived in a 2 bedroom apartment.

This baby was a miracle, she may never get another chance like this. This was a once in a lifetime oppurtunity for her.

Before she lost her nerve Olivia took out her phone and called the hospital. She chewed her thumb nail as she waited for the call to connect.

"Hi, my name is Olivia Benson. I want to make an appointment to confirm a pregnancy"

xxx

Olivia collapsed on the couch, she was exhausted. All she had done was sit at the park that was three blocks away and she felt as if she had just ran around Central Park.

How could she not realize something was wrong. She had slept more in the past few weeks than she did her whole career.

Olivia checked her phone. She had about an hour before Lucy would be here with Noah. Just enough time for a forty minute nap. She would need her energy to deal with Noah.

Olivia was knocked out before her head even hit the back of the couch.

xxx

Olivia jumped up when she heard something fall. She looked around trying to figure out what was happening

"I'm sorry mommy" she heard a small voice say. _Noah_.

"It's okay Noah" Olivia finally looked at him. Lucy came rushing over with a small broom and dustpan. "I got it" Olivia took it from the young woman.

"You were sleeping and I wanted to bring you a snack" Noah tried to explain.

"It's okay" Olivia stooped down and started cleaning up the broken cookies on the ground

"Lucy said we should let you rest"

"That was very nice of you and Lucy" Olivia moved to stand up but slipped back down when the room started spinning again.

"Everything okay Olivia?" Lucy asked coming back and taking the things from Olivia

"Yeah. I'm just" _Pregnant_ "just a bit tired" Olivia answered as she slowly stood up.

"I can stay and help keep Noah entertained while you rest" Lucy offered

"No. No you can go"

"Are you sure?" Lucy was concerned. When they came home Olivia was dead asleep, which was highly unusual. She didn't even hear Noah running in and almost throwing down the coat rack.

"Yeah. I'm sure" Olivia walked Lucy to the door. "I was wondering if you could take Noah to school tomorrow. I have a doctor's appointment early in the morning"

Lucy nodded. "Of course. Have a good evening Olivia. Bye Noah"

Olivia sat back on the couch next to Noah after Lucy. "Wanna watch some cartoons?"

"Yes!" He cheered as Olivia reached for the remote. Noah snuggled into Olivia's side, his little hand was on her stomach

'Did he know?' Then Olivia quickly chastised herself at that thought. How could Noah know?

"Mommy" he whispered. "Your tummy's growling"

Olivia laughed. She hadn't eaten all day. "Well then let's go get a snack. Maybe some ice cream before Eddie steals it all"

______

Olivia looked down when she felt her phone vibrate. Fin had just sent a thumbs up in response to her text that she would be in a bit late.

She could do this, she had been to doctor's appointments before. Olivia gulped. She had never been to a docror's appointment pregnant before

Olivia sighed. She could do this. This was a good decision. Noah would have a sibling. But she would have to raise two kids alone because nobody knew when Barba was coming back.

Olivia's breath was starting to come out as small pants. She would have to raise a baby alone. She would have to take care of a newborn baby. She didn't know how to do that.

She grabbed her bag and was about to get off the chair.

"Olivia Benson?" She heard the nurse call out

Well it was now or never. "That's me" Olivia whispered standing up

The nurse smiled. "Just follow me" she said cocking her head towards the hallway

Olivia took a deep breath. "I can do this"

xxx

Olivia twiddled her thumbs as she laid on the uncomfortable bed. She had been weighed, her blood pressure had been checked along with her blood sugar. 

Now she was just waiting for the doctor to come in and do the ultrasound.

Olivia looked up at the knock. "Olivia? I'm Dr. Halloway" she introduced herself, extending a hand to Olivia. "I'm going to be your obstetrician for the rest of your pregnancy. Are we waiting for anyone else?"

Olivia shook her head before whispering a small no as she lifted up her shirt

Dr. Halloway smiled. "Well then let's get started on your ultrasound" she lifted the ultrasound gel. "This is going to be a bit cold"

Olivia braced herself for the shock

"Do you know how far along you are?" 

"Not really" she appreciated Dr. Halloway's talking and reasurring smiles.

"That's okay. Nothing I can't find out with the help of the ultrasound"

Olivia took a deep breath as she watched Dr. Halloway click at a few keys.

"Is this your first baby?"

"M-my first pregnancy, but I have an adopted son. He's five"

"I have some pamphlets that I want to go over with you when we're finished. Nothing bad" she added when saw Olivia's expression. "Just some general information I think you should know." She turned the monitor so Olivia could see as well. "So you are about ten weeks along."

Olivia's eyes welled up as she looked at the little blob on the screen. It almost looked like a bean.

"Do you want to hear the heartbeat?"

xxx

"Liv in yet?" Fin asked as he and Carisi just came back

"About ten minutes ago. She said to give her a moment" Amanda added

Fin nodded before going towards her office

He saw Olivia rubbing her forehead as she read through a booklet. "You good?" Fin asked as he watched Olivia 

"Yeah" she breathed out with a small smile. 

Fin nodded and moved to close her office door

"Hey Fin, thanks for not telling anyone"

"I'll take any secret you give me to the grave Liv"

"I know. I just want to keep this between us...until the second trimester"

Fin smiled. She was keeping the baby. "Not a problem." He was almost to the door before he turned around and spoke again. "By the way, congrats Liv"


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember comments and kudos are appreciated

Olivia grimaced as she passed by the breakfast truck outside the station. What the hell was he cooking in there? It smelled like burned hotdogs. Who wants a hotdog this early?

Olivia practically ran into the building to avoid the smell. She wanted morning sickness, now she had it.

Olivia took a couple deep breaths when she was finally in the elevator. Alone. Thank God. Did the food truck always smell like that?

Olivia was finally getting her stomach to some semblance of calm when the elevator doors opened two floors away from her stop.

There was suddenly an overwhelming scent of proccessed meat and fermented cabbage and Olivia's stomach rolled.

She gripped the rail. She wouldn't last in here. "Hold the door" she forced out as she rushed out of the elevator. She would take the steps. The steps were good.

Olivia nodded at the few officers she passed by on her way to the stairwell. The scent of the hot dog seemed to be burned into her nose and it was making her sick.

As she pushed the door to the stairs, an overwhelming scent of pine-sol. Olivia whimpered. She had two options, go back into the hot dog cart of an elevator, or, brave through the scent of stale disinfectant

xxx

Fin watched Olivia walk quickly into her office and followed her

"You look a lil green around the gills. Everything okay?"

"The food truck outside" she was still trying to pull herself together and stop herself from losing her breakfast all over her office. "Then someone in the elevator was eating a hotdog." She placed a hand to her mouth as she tried to swallow. "Sauerkraut and onions"

Fin took a mint from the bowl on Olivia's desk and tossed it to her. "Chew. Don't suck"

Olivia gratefully took the mint. 

"You have any water?"

Olivia wanted to say no but she didn't think she could risk opening her mouth. So she shook her head. Big mistake. The room started spinning a bit.

"Lay on the couch, I'll get you some water"

Olivia laid down as she chewed the mint. She should have kept her mouth shut about morning sickness. Why did she have to bring it upon herself?

Fin came in with a bottle of water. "Small sips" he coached. "If you gulp it would be worse". He opened the bottle and gave it to her

He watched her take a few sips before putting the bottle on the floor next to her. "Better?"

"Yeah" Olivia took in a shuddering breath. "Did they always use pine-sol to clean the stairs?"

"I would never know. I take the elevator"

"How are you so good at this?"

"My wife had the worst morning sickness when she was pregnant with Ken. I learned a thing or two. The pine-sol set you off?"

"It added to what I was already feeling from the smell of hotdogs"

"Well then no hotdogs for you"

xxx

Olivia's stomach churned the more Peter talked. "Stone, did you eat a hotdog for lunch?"

"Yeah I had one when I left the courthouse. But that's besides the point. DA's office is getting tired of having to prosecute cases with half evidence"

Olivia reached for the bowl and popped a mint into her mouth. _Chew. Don't suck_. She needed to Peter to get the hell out of here.

Her mouth quickly filled with saliva. No. No. No. Not now. Please not now

Her body seemed to have other choices as she felt her lunch making a quick return.

Olivia clamped a hand over her mouth as she pushed past Peter and bolted to the bathroom.

Amanda turned when she saw Olivia running to the bathroom. "Liv?" She got up to follow her boss.

She stopped outside the bathroom for a few seconds before she heard retching. "Liv? You alright in there?" Amanda pushed open the door and saw Olivia kneeled down hugging the toilet.

"Jesus" Amanda grabbed a few sheets of paper towels before running them under the water. She reached over and flushed the toilet when she was sure Olivia was finished. "Here. Take these" she handed over the damp paper towels

"Thanks" Olivia mumbled

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Just... I'm fine"

"I don't want to point out that you were just throwing up"

"I'm fine Amanda" Olivia said with an eyeroll as she stood up

"Are you sure? Because if this is some stomach thing. I don't want to pass it on to Jesse"

"It's not a stomach thing"

"Last time James said that, half the station was out. I was lucky I missed it, but Sonny got it pretty hard"

Olivia sighed. "I'm pregnant Amanda"

Amanda's eyes widened. "What? When?"

Olivia closed her eyes. If she was going to tell Amanda, she might as well get ahead of this with the rest of them "Meet me in my office in 5 minutes"

xxx

"Everything okay lieu?" Carisi asked. He was confused why she gathered the three of them in her office

"Yeah. I just told Amanda something and I just decided to tell all of you because I don't want to repeat this again. I'm pregnant" she held up a hand to stop Carisi's question. "I'm about 11 weeks along, I found out last week. Everything seems to be going okay thus far" Olivia took in a deep breath before saying the next part. "And Barba is the father. But that doesn't mean you're all going to go hunting to find him to say congrats because I have not told him yet"

"You and Barba huh" Carisi said as he bounced on his heels slightly

"Yes. Me and Barba"

Amanda took a deep breath as she processed the information and glanced at Fin's smirk. "Wait, you knew!" She moved to stand between Fin and Olivia. "How come he knew before us? How long did he know?"

"I know because me and Liv are tight. She tells me all her secrets"

Olivia scoffed. "He knows because he was the only one here when I fainted and he rode with me to the hospital"

"Wait you fainted?" Carisi asked. "You know when my sister was pregnant she used to take these vitamins to help with her dizziness. Speaking of, you really should be taking your prenatal vitamins as part of your nutrient intake. Also you gotta take your time when you're getting up, it helps"

"Here we go" Fin mumbled as Carisi carried on his rambling

Olivia smiled at Amanda's eyeroll. They all teased him but everybody knew Carisi only rambled when he cared

______

"We have a rape and murder on the lower east side" Olivia announced coming out of her office

"We got it" Fin said as Amanda stood up.

"They said it's messy and the press is already gathering. We're all going" Olivia closed her office door

"Are you sure that's the best thing?" Amanda asked slowly. "Because yesterday you were blowing chunks from Stone's after-lunch breath, and plus you just ate. Should you be going to a messy crime scene?"

"Thanks for your consideration but I'm a lieutenant above everything else. I think I can handle some blood"

Amanda made a face. "Yeah, but now your senses" she stopped when she felt a hand on her shoulder 

"I think you shouldn't anger the pregnant lady who also happens to be your boss" Carisi whispered. "Nobody said she had to come in the apartment"

xxx

"We have fluid and blood starting from the bathroom" Carisi said as he walked through the apartment carefully. 

"Can we get somebody to take a sample?" Amanda called out. 

Fin turned when he heard Olivia coming. "What did the neighbours say?" He asked, blocking her from entering the apartment

"It's New York. Nobody heard anything. Nobody saw anything" Olivia sighed

"You doing okay? Wanna take a break?"

"Can you guys stop coddling me. I know you sent me canvasing to avoid coming in here. Now let me do my job" Olivia pushed Fin aside

"What happened?" She asked Amanda

"Blood and fluid on the victim's legs. Assault probably started in the bathroom then led out here. We found a-"

Fin shook his head stopping Amanda from finishing. 

"You are insufferable" Olivia grumbled as she walked toward the body

"She didn't need to hear all that"

"Well she's gonna hear it anyway" Amanda pointed out

"What is that smell?" Olivia asked pressing her lips together

"What smell?" Amanda asked "Is it the iron smell? Cause we have a trail of starting from the bathroom"

"No. There's an underlying scent of..."

Fin looked over at Olivia slowly. "Hotdogs"

"What does that mean?" Amanda asked. She turned to Olivia who looked like she was struggling not to breathe. "No, Liv"

"Bath" Olivia started

"CSU's in there"

"Just hold it together for a few minutes. Lemme go ask one of the neighbours. Carisi! You have a mint?!"

"Why would I have a mint?!" Carisi shouted back

Olivia took a deep breath which proved to be the wrong decision. She wasn't going to last in here.

"Liv please. Don't ruin the crime scene" Amanda pleaded. "Let's just go in the hall and get some air." She could see Olivia was literally fighting against her body

Carisi came out the bathroom. "CSU found traces of heroin. Suspect had hotdogs to cover the scent if we brought the dogs"

Olivia gagged and ran out of the apartment with Fin and Amanda right on her heels.

"The reporters are still outside!" Amanda shouted

Olivia pushed open the door. She realy needed to throw up. As soon as she stepped outside, a mic was pushed into her face.

"Lieutenant can you give us any information?" Olivia opened her mouth and finally lost her battle and threw up on the reporter. 

Fin winced. "Oh that's not good" There were still half a dozen cameras outside

"Aaannd...she's still going" Amanda mumbled. 

"This is hard to watch. I'm going back inside" Fin turned on his heels

"I'm so sorry" Olivia whispered when she was finished. She reached out a hand, but didn't even know how to help the man. "I... I can get you a napkin. Or a towel"

"I think that's all for today" Amanda placed her hand on Olivia's shoulders

Amanda turned her into the new path between the sea of reporters. They had parted leaving a 5 foot walkway, probably scared they would end up like their colleague.

"I should have stayed at the station" Olivia whispered

"Let's just get you cleaned up"

______

"On the plus side we could have been going viral for something worse" Carisi shrugged as he watched the video again

"The man was covered in half digested Chinese food. What could be worse than that?" Fin asked

"I dunno. I was just trying to find a silver lining"

"It has half a million views on youtube. Wanna see?" Amanda said pushing her phone towards Olivia

"No I don't want to see myself throwing up on an innocent man Rollins"

"Oh there's even a remix"

Fin looked over Amanda's shoulder to see the video.

Olivia groaned and buried her head in her hands. "This is so embarassing. No one in the media is going to take me seriously"

"They might start walking with rain coats"

Olivia glared at Fin. "Thank you for your kind words"

Chief Dodds stormed into her office. "I got the most bizarre call from 1PP this morning." He had barely acknowledged that the others were in there. "Suprise, suprise it was from your department. I'm walking over here to see what the problem is when I catch sight of today's paper"

He unfolded the paper tucked into his side and slammed it on Olivia's desk. "What is this?" A side view of Olivia throwing up was stretched across the front page with the headline. 'NYPD SICK WITH REPORTERS'

"There's a good explanation to that" Carisi said

"And I'd love to hear it detective. I want to know why a seasoned lieutenant is suddenly projectile vomiting at a crime scene." He turned the paper to face Olivia. "Can you explain this?"

Olivia sighed. "A pregnant woman losing her lunch because the crime scene smelt vaguely like hot dogs"

"Doesn't excuse-" Dodds stopped. "You're pregnant?"

Olivia nodded slowly. "11 weeks"

"Mazel tov" Dodds said dryly. "What were you doing at a crime scene?"

"Excuse me?"

"You're suffering from morning sickness and decide the best thing to do is go to a crime scene"

"Are you telling me what to do?" Olivia raised an eyebrow

The rest of the squad was watching them like it was a tennis match. This was the moment where Dodds could either chose life or death.

"I would never tell a woman what to do" Dodds explained.

He had chosen life.

Dodds grabbed the newspaper. "That's all I came to say. Have a good day lieutenant" he turned towards the door. "And good luck to the three of you," he whispered

xxx

"Mommy how come we couldn't have hotdogs for dinner?" Noah asked

"Not right now sweet boy. Maybe uncle Sonny can take you for one someday" 

Noah nodded, seemingly satisfied. "I found a story"

"Good"

Olivia woke up a few minutes later to Noah tapping her arm.

"You fell asleep in the middle of the story"

"I'm sorry. Do you want me to start again?" Olivia felt guilty. She didn't even realize she was that tired.

"It's okay. I'm sleepy"

Olivia climbed out his bed and pulled the covers up higher. She dropped a kiss on his forehead. "I love you Noah"

"Love you too mommy" he mumbled sleepily as she closed the door

Olivia checked her phone on the way to her room. She had two texts from an unknown number. She had half a mind to delete them but curiosity got the better of her.

'Hey Olivia, it's Rafa. I obviously changed my number and wanted you to have the new one.'

Olivia chewed her lip. This can't be happening

'Maybe we could video chat sometime and catch up'

Olivia slumped down on her bed. Well shit


	4. Chapter 4

"Mommy I got my shoes on" Noah said coming into Olivia's room

Olivia stopped searching through her closet. "You can watch tv for a few minutes. Just for a few minutes while I get dressed okay?"

Noah didn't answer, instead she heard him run toward the living room.

Now to find something to wear.

Olivia cursed as she continued to look through her closet. She had overslept again, poor Noah had been trying to wake her up for five minutes.

'I need to start planning outfits ahead of time' Olivia thought. This was taking too damn long Navy blue pants, pale blue button down. She finally settled on.

Olivia grunted when the pants refused to go over her hips. "C'mon" she muttered as she tugged on it. Olivia thought about sucking in but she couldn't suck in her thighs. She yanked it off. There was no time to fight with a pair of pants

She pulled out another pair.

Scene 1, take 2

xxx

Olivia cursed as she pulled off yet another pair of pants. It was now scene 1 take 12. She needed something to wear to work but her clothes refused to co-operate.

Olivia glanced at the pile of pants on the floor and then into the closet. She was down to her last pair. This was her last pair of work pants.

"Come on" Olivia mumbled as she pulled it over her hips. "Thank God."

She just to get it to button. Now is where sucking in came into play. After a few seconds of struggling, the two sides came together.

"This..." Olivia turned to the mirror "cannot work" Olivia sighed as she let out a small breath. The pants was cutting off circulation to every part of her lower body.

They looked painted on. She couldn't work in these. Olivia sighed in relief as she unbuttoned the pants. "Bean, I thought I had a few more weeks with my clothes" she whispered as she placed a hand on her stomach.

It was still mostly flat, if she could call it that. She looked more bloated than pregnant. She hadn't tell Noah yet, she didn't know how to explain it to him. She would have to set a date and do that.

Olivia glanced at the time. She needed clothes. She couldn't very well go to work in underwear. Olivia looked through the closet again. She needed something stretchy that could somehow pass as professional enough to go to work. A pair of jeggings it is.

Olivia glared at the button-down. She would be damned if she went through the same thing with her tops. Olivia pulled out a loose blouse. It would work for today.

xxx

"I didn't know it was casual Friday" Amanda said

"I couldn't get my pants to button"

"Oh I remember that. At least your shirts are still holding on"

"I didn't have the time to try the button downs but I'm going to assume they can't fit. So that's half of my wardrobe gone"

"Here you go lieu" Carisi said handing her a bottle

"What is this Carisi?" The liquid was a nasty shade of green

"My cousin's best friend's wife swore by this juice when she was in her second trimester" he explained

Olivia took the bottle. "Thank you?" She opened it and gagged. "What is in this?"

He shrugged. "Some spinach, whey powder, seaweed, broccoli, kale. I think flax seeds"

"Man, throw that shit out" Fin said from behind them, "smelling like a goddamn zoo"

"What's wrong with it?" Carisi asked taking the bottle and opening it. "Oh that is vile" he said with a grimace. "I got you some donuts though" he said pulling a bag off his table

Olivia's eyes lit up at the bag

"Three jelly-filled with powdered sugar" he answered her unasked question

"You're my favorite" she grinned as she took the bag and walked to her office.

Carisi smiled. "That's gonna make me godfather" he boasted to Fin and Amanda as the phone rang. "This is detective Carisi"

"Yeah, well I don't need to bribe her with donuts. I'm the only option for godmother" Amanda sneered

"I can't be bribed with food" Olivia called out before taking a bite of her donut

"Yeah, you're making that real noticeable" Fin said

Olivia smiled. It was a good donut, she was not going to turn down free food.

She sat down in her chair and took out her laptop. She still had some progress reports that needed updating.

Where were the other reports? Olivia started digging through one of her drawers with one hand as she held the donut with the other

She turned back to her laptop when she heard the incoming call.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Olivia looked down at her outfit. She looked presentable. Would he notice anything was different? Should she just ignore it and say she was busy. There was a nagging voice in her mind. "You have to tell him" Olivia reached out a trembling hand to accept the call

"Rafa" she said with a smile when she answered the call.

"Hey Liv." He squinted and leaned forward. "Is that a donut?"

"Oh umm yeah" she quickly put it down. 

"Olivia Benson eating donuts at 9 in the morning. I leave for four months and the world has flipped on its axis" Rafael joked

'You have no idea' Olivia thought. "Carisi got them for me. He was just being nice"

Rafael laughed. "So how are things?"

"Things are..." Olivia glanced down. "Things are going as best as they can be. How are you? You grew a beard" she pointed out

"Just trying to blend in with the fellow Iowans."

"Iowa. You are a long way from home counsellor" Olivia teased

"Going where the voter fraud takes me."

"Don't you miss the city?"

"At times." He sighed. "Speaking of city, Rita sent me something" Rafael showed Olivia a picture from his phone

Olivia groaned. It was the newspaper from the day she threw up.

"What was up with that? Are you okay? Were you sick or something?"

 _Or something._ "I had a stomach thing and the crime scene smelled...funny. But you know the press can get"

"Always desperate for something to spin. But you're sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. It was a one time thing" Olivia answered. The rest of the squad sniffed out the crime scene before she entered.

Rafael gave a small nod and smiled. "You look good Liv"

Olivia blushed

"I'm serious. You're practically glowing"

Olivia took a deep breath. "Speaking of glowing, I have to-" Olivia looked up when she saw Fin by the door. She held up a hand to stop him from talking. "Rafa, I have to get going"

"That's okay. M-maybe we can talk tomorrow. If you're free"

"I actually have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, so I'm not too sure how free I might be"

"That's alright. Just let me know when you're available. Talk to you later Liv, tell the squad I said hi"

"Bye"

"Was that Barba?" Fin asked when she closed the laptop

"Yeah" Olivia said rubbing her temples slightly. 

"What did he say?"

"He said to tell you guys hi"

"And what did he say about the other thing? The baby thing"

Olivia looked down. "Well I didn't get around to that part" She looked up and saw Fin's judging eyes. "I can't tell him about the pregnancy over Skype"

"So he's coming here soon?"

"No"

"You going out to meet him?"

"No" Olivia chewed her lip

"The how else you want him to find out? Thinkin' bout sending a letter?"

Olivia's face crumpled "Don't judge me for this. I still haven't found a way to tell Noah" 

"No, don't cry" Fin said. Of course he had to be the one to make her cry. He grabbed the box of tissues Olivia kept in her office. "Please don't cry" he gave her the box.

Olivia dabbed the corner of her eyes. "I'm sorry. I don't know what to do anymore"

"Don't apologize. I'm sorry. I just came to tell you we got a case."

"Do you-"

"No we don't need you. Carisi and Rollins are already going to get the victims statement, I'm going to meet CSU at the crime scene" he cut her off. "You could stay and do whatever you were doing"

"Can you-"

"Yeah we can get some spring rolls on the way back." He walked to the door. "See you in a bit Liv"

Olivia sighed when the door closed. She looked down at her stomach, there was a slight bulge. "We can tell him another time" she whispered.


	5. Chapter 5

"Looks like someone popped out to say hi" Amanda whispered to Olivia

"What?"

Amanda gestured to the slight rounding of her stomach that was visible in her blouse. She smelled the elevator before waving Olivia in

"Oh yeah" Olivia smiled as she passed her hand along it. "I feel like suddenly everybody is going to notice. Noah asked me this morning if I was eating too much ice cream" she pressed the button for their floor

Amanda laughed. "What did you say?"

"I finally told him that there was a baby in there. He didn't believe me. I'm thinking of taking him to my ultrasound this afternoon"

"Another one? Didn't you just have one like 3 weeks ago?"

"My doctor wants to have more frequent check-ups due to my 'advanced maternal age'. And because the job can be so unpredictable, I just take whenever she has an opening"

"So this basically your anatomy scan?"

"I guess"

Amanda squealed. "We can finally find out if it's a boy or girl. I have some of Jesse's stuff that you can have."

"I don't think I want to know" Olivia cupped her stomach. "Once they're healthy"

"Liv" Amanda groaned. "You're really going to let us wait that long?"

"Yes" she deadpanned as they walked off the elevator

There was a flurry of activity. "What's going on?"

"Stone got us the warrant. We're raiding the house now" Carisi answered

xxx

Olivia took the offered vest from the ESU officer. 

"Give her a size up" Amanda said. "The medium is never gonna fit"

Fin looked between Olivia and Amanda. "Liv you're staying here"

"Like hell I am"

Fin glared at her. "You are not going in there"

"I'm wearing a vest Fin"

"That had to be sized up to fit you" He indicated for one of the ESU officers to come closer. "Stay with her. Keep her out here"

"Fin I can go on a raid if I want to" Olivia insisted.

"If she moves, arresst her" Fin said seriously before following the others inside.

"If you touch me I will break your fingers" Olivia snarled

xxx

"That was a bust" Carisi groaned as he unsnapped the vest.

"Can't believe you was gonna let Liv go on that raid" Fin shook his head at Amanda

"Hey, I was not about to tell the highly independant, stubborn lieutenant Benson what she could do. I like living"

Fin rolled his eyes. 

"Speaking of, where is Liv?" Carisi asked

Fin looked over where he had left Olivia with the officer, she wasn't there. A quick scan showed she wasn't anywhere in sight. "Where's Benson?" Fin asked when they got closer to the ESU officer

"She mumbled something about taking her job. I tried to tell her no one is taking her job. Then she got a little misty eyed and said nobody trusts her and then she went to her cruiser. I thought she might drive away so I had one of my guys park behind her"

"Thanks man" Fin said with a nod as they walked over to the cruiser.

They could all see Olivia sitting in the driver's seat as tears ran down her cheeks.

"Dammit. I hate when she cries" Fin mumbled

Amanda tapped the window. "Liv?"

Olivia quickly wiped away the tears that were gathered. This was stupid. She was stupid. They were just being helpful and concerned.

"Liv?" Amanda called again. "I know you can hear me"

"I'm being stupid" she sniffled. "Go away"

"You two give us some space" Amanda said shooing Fin and Carisi away. She turned back to Olivia when they left. "You're not being stupid Liv. Can you just roll down the window?"

Olivia rolled it down halfway. "This is so stupid"

"C'mon Liv, look at me. Tell me what's wrong"

Olivia finally turned to face Amanda. "I'm sitting in a cruiser, crying about not being able to go on a raid. And I can't stop it" she mumbled as more tears fell. "I don't know which is making me cry more, not going on the raid or you guys being concerned about me and bean"

Amanda chuckled. "You're not stupid Liv, it's hormones"

Olivia rested her head on the steering wheel and let out a sad laugh. "I'm crying on a scene and I'm not even injured"

"Hormones are a bitch. The raid was a bust so you can always say you were crying about that"

Olivia laughed. 

"Wanna go get some ice cream?" Amanda offered

"Yes please" Olivia whispered

Amanda opened the door. "Scoot. Let me drive"

Olivia glared at her. "I cannot 'scoot' over the gear shaft Rollins"

"Sorry. Just climb out. I'll drive"

xxx

"Bean?" Amanda asked as she licked some ice cream off her spoon

Olivia shrugged. "Baby looked like a bean on the first ultrasound. It kinda stuck"

"Did you tell Barba about bean when he called?"

"No" Olivia looked down and stabbed her ice cream a bit before taking another spoon

"You kinda have to tell him Liv"

"I know. You sound like Fin. I've been trying, just every time I open my mouth to say it... I just can't"

"How many times has he called so far?"

"He skyped twice. We texts throughout the day sometimes. Then he called once last week, he talked to Noah"

"That's alot"

"I know. Alot of times to tell him" Olivia shoveled ice cream into her mouth.

"You're going to get brain freeze"

Olivia made a grunt. "Everybody keeps judging me, but is not that easy to tell him"

"It is easy to tell him. Just say Barba I'm pregnant, you're the father. The end"

"Yeah cause that's what you did when you were pregnant with Jesse" Olivia snapped

"Jesse's father was undercover. You spoke to Barba like 10 times"

"Shut up. Let me just eat my ice cream"

Olivia's phone ringing stopped her from eating another spoon.

"What?" She answered

"Dodds wants you back here for a press release"

xxx

"Let's just get this over with" Olivia grumbled

"Dress blues Benson. Try to make it official"

"Then you do it" she snapped

"I would if I could but it was your department's raid. You speak for your department. What I do have is your speech pre-written"

Olivia grumbled as she walked towards her office. Her uniform was there. She huffed as she pulled it out.

She honestly did not care that she was wearing a pair of leggings because God knows that the pants were not going to fit and she was not going to try. The top maybe, it had a little room.

xxx

"That's how you're doing it?" Dodds asked when he saw Olivia come out of her office

"Do you want the dress blues or not?" Olivia rolled her eyes. "The pants cannot fit and I could only get two buttons together. Unless you have another uniform up your ass, this is how I'm doing the press release"

Dodds raised his hands in surrender

"Give me the damn speech" she grabbed the paper.

"What did you three do?" Dodds whispered as Olivia walked away

"We were talking over ice cream and I mentioned something personal and she got a little hostile" Amanda explained

"A little hostile? She's just about ready to murder somebody"

"Yeah, but that was after Fin told her she couldn't go on the raid"

"Understandable"

"Tell that to a hormonal Liv" Fin grumbled

"What did you do? Take away her lunch?" Dodds asked Carisi

"I didn't do a thing"

Olivia pretended to ignore that all reporters took a couple steps back when they noticed she was speaking. She smoothed out the paper she grabbed from Dodds. "At 10:45 this morning this SVU division conducted a raid..."

"What's her favorite snack that we could get in less than five minutes?" Dodds asked

"Jelly donut from the truck outside" Carisi answered immediately

Dodds looked at him pointedly. "Go get it detective. Now."

xxx

Olivia's mood had gotten better after giving the press release. 

"This is for you" Dodds handed her the bag. "And this is mine" he took back the paper

Olivia's eyes lit up at the bag. "Thanks. I have an appointment to get to. I might be taking the rest of the afternoon off"

"Go ahead" Dodds said. "Sergeant Tutuola would hold down the fort"

"Thanks guys"

Amanda followed Olivia to her office. "Hey Liv, I'm sorry about earlier. It wasn't my place to tell you what to do"

Olivia shrugged off the jacket. "You were coming from a good place. And it's nothing I haven't told myself before"

"Still, I'm sorry"

"It's okay" Olivia smiled

"You'll tell us what the doctor says?"

"No problem"

______

"Right Liv said the due date is late November. Now we all know that babies are unpredictable, so, what dates ya'll think?" Amanda asked as she took out a notepad. "$20 bets only"

"I'm thinking the 12th" Carisi called out. "And it's girl"

"Nah man, it's a boy and he's gonna be born on the 25th" Fin said

Amanda scoffed. "The 25th? He's gonna come on the 5th"

"Why you tryna send Liv into early labor?"

"By that time she'll be 36 weeks, and trust me, she would want that baby out"

"My sister's baby was a week overdue" James started. They all turned and glared at him. "I'm just gonna remove that from the universe"

"Yeah. Please do" Amanda said.

"I think it's a girl" he offered. "Think she's gonna get an epidural?"

"Yes" Amanda answered the same time Carisi said "no"

They narrowed their eyes at each other. "$20 says she takes one" Amanda offered. 

"You're on"

"Who else thinks she's not gonna take one?" Amanda scoffed when everyone raised their hands. "You people have clearly never given birth"

"Yeah, but Liv's a badass" Carisi defended

"All forms of badassness goes out the window when something the size of a watermelon is coming out of a coin sized hole. But I'm still writing all of your names. I'm going to be so rich"

Dodds walked in just as Amanda finished writing. "What are you doing?"

"Liv's at her appointment. And it's the Q-word"

"So you have nothing better to do than bet on Benson's baby?" He had heard most of the conversation

They all looked down.

"Put me down for the 10th" Dodds took out a couple bills from his wallet. "And I think it's a girl"

"Alright chief" Fin smiled. "You could bet on other things too ya know"

"What more can you bet on? It's a baby"

"Rollins thinks Liv is going get an epidural, Carisi thinks not. What do you wager?"

Dodds looked at all of them, they were all watching him expectantly. "20 bucks says she's going to try to hold out then cave"


	6. Chapter 6

"See, the thing is we have witnesses saying that they saw you leave Macey's apartment building" Olivia said as she stood up slowly. 

The man smirked. "If you had anything you would have arrested me but you didn't"

"We actually do have-" Olivia stopped moving

"Have what?"

Olivia dropped the folder and put a hand to her stomach as she looked down.

Amanda entered the interrogation room. "Liv?"

"Hey is she alright? She going into labor or something? I didn't do nothing"

Amanda rolled her eyes. "Somebody take this jackass to holding" she turned back to Olivia. "Let's get you sitting"

Amanda pulled out the chair and guided Olivia to it. "What's happening? Do you need me to call an ambulance? Is it bean?"

Olivia still had a hand on her bump with wide eyes

"Liv? Talk to me?"

"Bean kicked" she whispered

"What?"

Olivia grabbed Amanda's hand and placed it where hers recently was.

Amanda let out a small gasp when she felt the small thump against her palm. "Bean kicked" she whispered

"Yeah" Olivia mumbled back

Amanda covered her mouth as she laughed. "Oh my God"

Olivia laughed

"You really scared me there Liv. I thought I had to call an ambulance"

"Bean scared me. I felt a few flutters the past weeks, but never a full-on kick"

"You still didn't find out the gender?"

"No Amanda. I told you I wanted it to be a suprise"

"There's only one of two ways it could go. Just find out please. I'm dying"

Olivia rolled her eyes. "I'm waiting Amanda"

Amanda groaned. "Fine"

Olivia ran her fingers over the spot where she felt the kicks. "You think I could convince Carisi to go on a food run?"

"I think you should send Fin because Sonny always tries to 'make our choices healthy"

"Or I could send both of them"

Amanda smiled. As long as it wasn't her, she didn't care who Olivia decided to send

______

"Why did I need to bring a coat? It's almost 100 degrees out here" Fin asked when saw Amanda outside the next week

"When you get inside you'll know"

"What's happening inside?"

"Carisi told me to bring him a jacket because Liv's hot" Amanda unzipped her jacket. "She got maintenance to lower the thermostat until it doable for her. That temperature is 50 degress Fin. It feels like November in there. I didn't even know a thermostat could go so low."

"50 degrees?! How the hell did she get maintenance to agree to that?"

Amanda sighed. "He comes up and sees a pregnant woman sweating and practically in tears because, 'it's too hot to function.' You do the math."

Fin grumbled, at 24 weeks Olivia was driving them crazy. With the constant runs for Chinese takeout, the tears, the mood swings, and the fact that they couldn't eat the foods they wanted was starting to wear on all of their patience. "I want a damn hotdog"

"Why do you think I'm out here? I brought listerine" Amanda said pulling out the small bottle from her coat. "I told Liv I was going to the bodega. She said to bring her double stuffed oreos"

"Hope you brought perfume too"

"I did. The strongest I own"

"Smart woman" Fin said. "Tony my man! Get me a hotdog. With everything"

xxx

"It's colder than Santa's balls in here" Fin shivered as he zipped up his jacket

"Good thing Amanda told you to bring a jacket" Carisi said as he passed by. "Why do you two smell weird?"

"She seriously can't turn the heat up?" Fin couldn't believe he was asking that in the summer. "We can't work in the North Pole"

"You want to go in and tell her that it's too cold?"

"I'm gonna tell Liv something" Fin mumbled

"Tell me what?" Olivia asked coming behind them

Fin turned, she had the nerve to be standing there in a tank top. "Carisi said you were glowing, said I had to see it myself. Pregnancy's doing you good Liv. How's bean?"

"Bean is good, thanks for asking" Olivia grinned as she walked by. Amanda handed her the pack of oreos

"You are quick on your feet sergeant." Amanda teased

"Years of UC" Fin mumbled. He was not about to get on the wrong side of his pregnant boss.

Olivia stopped just before she opened the oreos. "You guys smell that?"

"Smell what?" Amanda asked innocently

Olivia retched. "I'm gonna be sick" she threw down the oreos as she walked quickly to the bathroom.

Fin winced. "Now I feel bad"

"You two didn't" Carisi whispered

"We just wanted a hotdog" Amanda whined. "Carisi I haven't eaten one in almost four months"

Carisi flicked them both in the ears.

"Do that one more time and I'll kill you" Fin threatened

"Next time eat your hotdogs on the way out like I do"

"Don't tell her it was us. Please Sonny" Amanda begged

"I would, but then there would be tears and I can't go through that again. Not after the tangerine chicken fiasco last week"

Amanda rolled her eyes at the memory. "Especially since you two left me alone to comfort her"

_"Here you go" Carisi handed Olivia her container lastly before sitting back down._

_"So what did you guys find out?" Olivia asked as she started to eat_

_"So when we canvased the neighbours we got enough for a sketch." Amanda saw Olivia spit out her chicken. "What's wrong?"_

_"What is this?"_

_"I'm gonna go out on a limb and say chicken" Fin said as he ate a spring roll_

_Olivia rolled her eyes and pulled the bag closer to look at the receipt stapled to it. "They gave you guys tangerine chicken" Olivia was embarassed that a few tears gathered in her eyes_

_"Ookay" Amanda said slowly. "What's the problem?"_

_"I wanted orange chicken" Olivia whimpered and the few tears she was holding back began leaking out_

_Carisi's eyes widened. "Sure you didn't say tangerine?"_

_"No" she cried. "I wanted orange chicken"_

_Amanda glared at Carisi. He had gone for food._

_"I-it's the same thing. Tangerine, orange. Same citrus" he shrugged_

_"It is NOT the same thing" Olivia sobbed. "It's not the same"_

_"Go get orange chicken" Amanda whispered harshly as she walked over to the sobbing Olivia._

_"I'm going" he tripped as he stumbled off his chair. "I'm going."_

_Fin got up. "I'll come with you"_

_Carisi waited until they were in the elevator before speaking. "How come you joined me?"_

_"I wasn't about to sit there and listen to someone cry about the wrong damn citrus when they taste the same"_

xxx

"Captain Maynard" Fin greeted the homicide captain. "Watcha doing in our neck of the woods?"

"Where is your lieutenant?"

"Her office. What's up?"

"What's up is me and my guys have to be in winter coats in the ending of July because maintenance refuses to raise the heat under orders of your lieutenant"

Fin forgot that SVU and homicide shared a thermostat. "Look man, just leave it."

"If you have no spine to stand up to your boss that's your business." He stabbed a finger in Fin's chest. "But I can't work in this" he stalked to Olivia's office

"What's up with that?" Amanda asked

"Homicide's bout to be investigating a homicide"

xxx

"Lieutenant Benson" he snapped as he closed her door. "I need you to do something for me. Raise the goddamn heat! My balls are about three seconds from crawling back into my body and it's July. Get maintenance back up here and raise the heat!"

Olivia took off her reading glasses. "Excuse me?" 

"Has the cold made you hard of hearing? Make it a humane temperature"

Olivia stood up slowly. She was already in a mood after somebody broke the no hotdog rule and she ended up vomiting on and off for 15 minutes. "What did you just say to me?"

Captain Maynard took a slight step back. "You're pregnant" he whispered. Nobody told him that

x

Amanda winced. "That is some pretty colorful language"

"C-can she really do that to your...to your guys?" Carisi asked gesturing to his crotch

"If you ever tell her that it was me and Rollins who broke the hotdog rule, I'll just tell her that you thought she said tangerine chicken instead of orange chicken"

"She'll never know. Cross my heart" Carisi promised

"The two of you hush." Amanda waved them both away. "I think he's crying"

"What?!" They all leaned closer to the door, trying to listen

They jumped back when the door opened. 

"Detectives. Sergeant" captain Maynard nodded as he walked briskly to the elevator

"What?!" Olivia shouted seeing them all just standing there.

They took a step back. She was still mad.

"Umm"

"Spit it out Rollins" she snapped

"We found this new Jamaican place 2 blocks down. Was wondering if you wanted to try something from there?" Fin said with a shrug

"Yeah, whatever. Close the door"

"No prob Liv. We'll be back in a few" Fin closed the door.

"Where the hell are we finding a Jamaican place?" Amanda hissed. 

"We'll fly all the way to Jamaica if we have to. Unless you wanna get in there and tell her you was snooping at her door"

"Carisi man the phones, we'll be back soon" Amanda took off her jacket and laid it on the back of her chair.

"Wait. Why do I have to stay?"

"Sonny!" They heard Liv shout

"That's why. See you in a bit"


	7. Chapter 7

Olivia held Noah's hand as she waited to cross the street. She knew if anyone from the squad saw her they would chastise her for walking. Olivia rolled her eyes just thinking about it. She wasn't an invalid, she could walk her son to school.

"Can we cross yet mommy?" Noah asked as he tugged slightly on Olivia's hand

"Just a second"

The walking sign appeared and Olivia almost stepped off the curb when she heard.

"Olivia?"

"I know, I know. I'm taking a cab to the station" she turned to face the voice. This wasn't a member of her squad. "Ed?"

"Hi" he gave a small wave. "You're pregnant" he pointed out

She placed a hand on her bump. "I am" she always hated when people pointed out the obvious

Noah tugged on Olivia's hand again. "Mommy." He whined. "We're gonna miss our chance"

"I..." She didn't want to seem rude and just leave Ed there

"I'll walk with you guys" he offered

Olivia nodded slightly as they started across the street. This was going to be an awkward walk.

"Noah, you're so big now. I remember when you were this big" he held up a hand to his thigh. "You loved to swing"

"Ed knew you when you were younger" Olivia explained when Noah looked up at her

"How much younger?"

"When you were about 2"

"Wow" Noah whispered

Ed pushed his hands in his pocket, as he glanced at Olivia again. She was still the same, if you put aside the fact that she still had a hand on her distended stomach. "Soo...congratulations"

"Thank you"

"Girl or boy?"

"Mommy says it's a suprise" Noah piped up and Olivia forgot he was there for a second.

"A suprise? Wow" Ed glanced at Olivia's left hand. There was no ring. "Well you and your boyfriend must be very happy"

"Mommy doesn't have a boyfriend" Noah scrunched up his nose. "It's just me, mommy and bean"

Ed nodded and Olivia wished Noah would be quiet.

"If you don't mind me asking" Ed said softly. "Who is the father?"

"I do mind you asking because it's not really any of your business" Olivia whispered back. 

There was an awkward silence as the three of them continued to walk along the sidewalk. 

They stopped walking at Noah's school.

"Have a good day Noah"

Noah wrapped his arms around his mother. "Bye mommy. Bye bean" he said poking her stomach gently. He gave a shy wave to Ed before running into the schoolyard

"I should get going" Olivia said turning to Ed

"Let me call you a cab"

"You don't have to"

"I'm not letting a pregnant woman get her own cab" Ed said taking out her phone

"Ed, I'm okay. Really"

"Nonsense. It's the least I can do, we don't want anything happening to you a-and bean"

xxx

"I saw Tucker this morning" Olivia said as soon as she stepped off the elevator

"Where?" Fin asked

"While I was walking Noah to school"

"Didn't I say call me and I'll pick you and Noah up? You should not be walking Noah to school" Fin said.

"Doctor says I should get exercise" Olivia grinned. "Plus I wanted to walk. It's a nice day" she looked around. "Where is everybody?"

"Breakroom" he said simply and indicated for her to follow him

"Why?"

Fin opened the door and Olivia's brow furrowed as she watched her whole squad arguing around a table

"What's happening?" She whispered

"Right now? Not too sure" Fin whispered back. He cleared his throat loudly and they all turned around.

"Suprise!" They shouted. Carisi licked icing off his fingers

Olivia laughed at their failed attempt of a baby shower

"Yeah, this is a sad excuse for a baby shower. We're terrible at parties" Amanda said. "But there's cake and gifts" she lifted a slice of cake in Olivia direction.

"That's all that matters" Olivia said taking the plate. "Chocolate cake in the morning. Not a bad way to start a shift"

Carisi got Olivia a chair. "Have a seat Liv"

"So sad excuse or not, this is unfortunately your baby shower, because we are all workaholics and we were all free this morning"

"We're not gonna do those dumbass party games, cause...no. Just no" Fin said. "We just did this to let you know that we're here for you, bean and Noah. Whatever you guys need, we gotchu"

Olivia gave a watery smile "Thanks guys"

Carisi thrusted the box of tissues towards her. It was inevitable at this point.

"I got you this" Amanda said lifting a gift bag. 

"Do I have to put down my cake?" Olivia asked as she pushed the fork into her mouth.

"I can open it for you. I guess" she lifted out a few onesies. "There was a themed section at the baby store. You won't believe how many police onesies there are"

"I like that one" Olivia pointed at the one that said 'Mommy's New Partner'

"I know right" Amanda grinned. Carisi gently pushed her away.

"Ignore Amanda's gift, Lieu. I got you the only things you will ever need and always use." Carisi pulled out a box from the side of the table.

"A baby carrier?" Olivia asked as she ate cake

"Not a baby carrier, **_the_** baby carrier. It's an Ergo 360. My sister and her friend swear by it. And honestly Liv, the few times I've used it, it was heaven. I also got you the best pregnancy pillow. It's made with 100% cotton, so it's kinda breathable. It's also made to adapt to the shape of your body so that way you could get the best sleep possible"

"Sounds like a sales pitch" Amanda grumbled

"Umm thank you" Olivia honestly had no clue which one was the best. She turned when she heard a knock at the door.

"You know you people are terrible at throwing parties" Dodds said as he looked around the breakroom. "You could have at least put up a banner"

"It's one of our few flaws" Olivia grinned

"Still, I got you a gift" he handed Olivia a sheet of paper

"What's this?" Olivia looked over the paper. "You're giving me days off?"

"I'm giving you some of the many days I have saved up"

"I can't ask you to do that"

"So don't ask. Use it for a longer maternity leave. Or maybe you can take days off before the baby comes without using any of yours"

Dodds looked at everyone in the room uneasily when Olivia started to cry again. "Did I?"

"No." Amanda said. "This is the new normal" she gave Olivia the box of tissues again

About a dozen bibs, bathtoys and onesies later, all eyes were on Fin. "Where's your gift?"

"I don't understand this baby shopping stuff, so I got you a practical gift unlike these jackasses"

"Hey! What I got is practical" Carisi shouted

Fin waved him off. "I just ordered you a shit ton of diapers and it's gonna be delivered to your place later this evening"

Olivia chuckled. "That does make more sense. How am I supposed to get those things back to my apartment?"

Carisi made a face. "Well umm... Just leave em here and then at the end of shift whoever's taking you home would take them"

"I was going to take myself home"

"We are not letting you take a cab home Liv"

Olivis rolled her eyes. "Fine. Can I get more cake?"

"Hey look at that" Amanda grinned picking up a small box from the table. "Homicide sent you a gift"

xxx

Olivia felt guilty as she looked at the boxes of diapers that had been stacked up in the corner of the living room. Fin was coming over another day to help her move them. She felt bean kick against her hand slightly. Everybody knew about bean. Hell, even Tucker knew but she had yet to tell Rafael

"Uncle Rafa!" Noah shouted. "Mommy! It's uncle Rafa!" He grabbed the iPad

Olivia winced at his volume. She was only a few feet away from him. There was no need for him to be that loud

"Hey _amigo_. How are things?" Rafael's voice filled the air

"Things are good. We painted today in school and I made mommy a picture. Then we did some reading and my teacher says I read the best"

Rafael gave a thumbs up. "It's a good thing your mom reads to you every night."

"Sometimes I read to her cause she falls asleep"

Olivia's eyes widened and she reached for the iPad. She had told Noah that bean was their secret from Rafael but he wouldn't know what information was sensitive. "Noah, honey. Let me talk to uncle Rafa too"

Noah pouted as he handed the iPad and moved to play with his Legos

"Hey" Olivia scooted lower on the couch, best thing about this bump, it double as a table

"Hey yourself, you just interrupted our conversation."

"I wanted to talk to my friend"

"I guess that's fair" Rafael laughed. "How are things?"

"Things are as good as they can get"

"You say that everytime I ask"

"And yet you always ask"

Rafael shrugged. "Just making sure that SVU isn't running you ragged"

Olivia sighed. If he only knew. "How are you? Iowa running you ragged?"

"I wish they would do something. The case is the only interesting thing in this whole city"

"So give them something interesting. You're Rafael Barba after all"

"Doesn't carry the same weight here"

Olivia smiled softly at Rafael and he reciprocated. "I have to say something" they said at the same time

Olivia laughed. "You go first"

Rafael cleared his throat. "That umm the night we spent together. I just wanted to apologize"

Olivia's heart clenched. She couldn't tell him about the baby when he was sorry for the night they shared. "Y-you want to apologize?"

"Yes. For how I left. Dworkin wanted to go over something before trial, I had all intentions of coming back to bed with you but you were already gone. And then the trial and I... I never wanted you to feel like I regretted what we shared. I've been trying to find a way to tell you that"

Olivia smiled. "It's okay. I don't regret it. I have a lot to remember that night by, which is actually what I wanted to talk to you about"

"Give me a minute Liv" Rafael muted himself before getting up

"Just a second bean" Olivia mumbled when she felt a kick. She could do this, she had to do this.

Olivia took a deep breath, 3 minutes had passed. The longer Rafael took, the more she lost her nerve

"I'm back"

"Everything okay?"

"We found the break in the case we were looking for, I have to run but I don't want to leave without telling you bye"

"Oh" She would tell him another day

"Wait, you wanted to tell me something"

"It's uuh...You go ahead. Go solve your case"

"Alright. Talk to you soon Liv"

"Bye" she gave a small wave.

Olivia flopped her head onto the couch and put the iPad on the cushion next to her. "I'll tell him soon" she rubbed the spot where she was feeling small nudges

"Who are you talking to mommy?" Noah asked

"Nobody, sweetboy"


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know everyone is concerned about Rafael not knowing, but he will be finding out soon.

"Shouldn't you be on maternity leave?" Fin asked when he saw Olivia enter the station

"My doctor said I could work" Olivia answered

"Really? Your doctor said that?" Amanda raised an eyebrow. "So if we call, that's exactly what she's going to say?"

Olivia hummed as she continued walking to her office. "She said take it easy, so that's why I cut my work week down to 3 or 4 days"

"You buying that?" Amanda asked Fin as they watched Olivia go to her office

"Not for a minute. But as long as she sits in that office all day, I'm not going to complain"

Olivia slowly lowered herself onto her chair. She looked to her left. "Why is there another chair in here?"

Carisi appeared by her door "To put your feet up." He saw Olivia about to protest "No it's not negotiable-"

"I don't need-"

"-Or I could have Amanda drive you home to rest"

"Fine" Olivia huffed. She slowly put her feet on the other chair. "Feet are up. You can be quiet"

"You have to keep them there"

Olivia glared at him. "I'll keep them there because I want to, not because you said to"

"Whatever floats your boat lieu" he handed her a couple folders. "Reports for you to sign off"

"Thanks"

Olivia would never admit it, but, the second chair was heaven to her feet. She took her feet down when she heard the skype tone coming from her opened laptop.

She moved closer to the table before answering. "Rafa?"

"Hey, I thought you were taking the day."

Olivia raised an eyebrow

"You said you were taking a day off when we talked yesterday"

"Oh umm yeah" she suddenly remembered their conversation. "I got called in" she lied

"Nothing serious I hope"

"No" she looked at his background. "Did you repaint your apartment?"

He looked around. "No... I uh. My place is being fumigated. I'm staying in a hotel"

Fin looked on as Olivia continued her video call.

"I hope everything gets sorted out with your apartment soon" Olivia said

Rafael checked his phone. "I don't want to keep you from work and I have to make a call. I'll talk to you soon Liv"

"Bye"

"Barba again huh?" Fin said

"Yep" Olivia as she pushed herself away from the table. She was finally able to take a deep breath without her bump being pressed against the table. 

"What did he say about your interesting development?"

"He uh... I didn't tell him yet"

Fin sighed. "You gotta tell him about the baby Liv. Time's kinda running out"

"I know I know. I just never found the right time" she placed a hand on her stomach and felt the slight movement. "Think I need to stretch my legs"

Fin watched her slight struggle as she tried to get out of the chair. Carisi had made the mistake of helping her without permission. It did not go over well with the highly independent lieutenant. There was glaring and shouting. And most of all tears, lots of tears.

"Can you help me?" She asked sheepishly

Fin walked over and pulled her up. "I'm not trying to tell you what to do but, he's called alot of times. Don't you think you should let him know that he's going to be a father?"

"I know. I've tried to tell him. But everytime I open my mouth one of us has to run or I just can't find the words"

"Your due date is like what? In two months?"

"Give or take a week" Olivia chewed her lip

"You need to tell him. He deserves to know"

"I'll tell him tomorrow"

Fin bit his tongue. She had been saying that since the first time Rafael called. Tomorrow had turned into months

"Do we still have more oreos in the breakroom?" Olivia asked, changing the topic

"You want me to bring them?"

"No I could get them"

Fin watched Olivia leave her office and prayed she would actually tell Rafael tomorrow

Olivia opened the cabinet where they usually kept the oreos. She paused when it was empty. Against her own will, tears started to run down Olivia's cheeks.

Carisi came into the breakroom to see Olivia sobbing. "Lieu? Everything okay?"

Olivia tried to form words.

"Someone's sick?" Carisi guessed. "Something hurts? Noah? Bean? Contractions?" Olivia had shook her head no to all his guesses. "I'm getting kinda scared. What's wrong?"

"S-somebody ate...all the oreos" she sobbed

"Oreos." He breathed "You're crying for oreos" Carisi let out a laugh. "We have a back up stash" he opened an unused locker and pulled out another pack along with a box of tissues

"Th-thanks" Olivia hiccuped. "I'm a mess right now. I can't stop the tears"

Carisi gave a small smile. "Not your fault, bean is just screwing with your hormones"

"Yeah" Olivia sniffled. "Thanks for getting this"

"No problem. But you know the purpose of the chair was to keep your feet elevated, we could have brought you the oreos"

Olivia rolled her eyes. "You know I would have to get up at sometime"

"For the important things" Carisi pointed out

" **This** was important"

xxx

"You doing okay Liv?" Amanda asked, Olivia had her head in her hands

"Tired" she breathed

"Go home"

Olivia lifted her head fully. "I still have some paperwork that I need to do"

"Olivia. Go home" Amanda said with an air of finality

"Fine" Olivia checked the time. "Can one of you carry me home? We may have to pick up Noah early"

"I'll take him tonight" The fact that Olivia was asking for a ride home meant she was exhausted. "I have some of his clothes at my place still. I can get him to school tomorrow"

"I can't ask you to do that Amanda. I just need a few minutes of shut eye"

"Try a few hours. When I was at your stage, a few hours only felt like a few minutes. I can't imagine it's easy to do that with a five year old"

"He asks a million questions about bean. I don't think I can keep up anymore" she leaned back in her chair. "The worst was when he asked who bean's father was"

"How did that go?" 

_"Is bean adopted too?" Noah asked when they were cuddled up watching tv one evening_

_"No, why would you think that?"_

_"Cause that's how you get babies"_

_Oh geez. Olivia sighed. "There are different ways to get a baby, sweet boy."_

_Noah turned to look at her. "Like what?"_

_"Um, a lady gave birth to you and then I adopted you , so now you're my son. But I have to give birth to bean so I won't need to adopt them" Olivia crossed her fingers, hoping that would stop Noah's questions._

_"Well how did bean get in there? My friend Jax says a man has to put it in there"_

_Olivia's eyes bulged. What kind of conversations were they having in that class? "There was a man" Noah continued looking at her. "It was uncle Rafa" she said slowly_

_"Uncle Rafa" he gasped. "But how did he get bean in there?" He poked her stomach_

_"That's another talk for another day"_

_"So does that mean uncle Rafa is bean's daddy?"_

_"Yes" Olivia answered simply_

_"But how come he's not here? And why can't we tell uncle Rafa?"_

_Olivia sighed. "We'll tell him soon and remember I told you, uncle Rafa had to move away for work"_

_Noah nodded. "So me and bean have no daddies"_

_"No. Not right now"_

_"M'kay" Noah shrugged as he turned back to the tv_

_Olivia wanted to scream. How could he put her through the ringer with his questions, then just go back to watching tv_

Amanda laughed. "It could have gone worse"

"It could have gone better" Olivia stifled a yawn

"Come on, get your things. Let me take you home"

xxx

Olivia let out a low moan as she sank onto the couch. Her entire body felt sore and tired. She really needed to stop working but it was one of the few things keeping her sane and distracting from the fact that she didn't tell Rafael about bean.

She got that same sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach when she thought about it. He had a right to know. He should have known. Did he ever think about becoming a father? About making a child with her?

A swift kick to her ribs brought Olivia out of her thoughts. "I know bean" she whispered. "I'll call him tomorrow. I promise"

There was a knock on the door. Her Chinese food

"I'm coming" Olivia called out as she pushed herself off the couch. She tugged her shirt down to try and cover her bump.

She grabbed her wallet before checking through the peephole. Her breath hitched when she saw who was on the other side of the door.

_Rafa_


	9. Chapter 9

He knocked again.

Olivia's mind was racing. She had to open the door eventually. She already said she was coming. _"You gotta tell him about the baby Liv"_ Fin's voice kept echoing in her head

She watched him switch the hand holding the plastic bag to dig through his pocket for his phone. Olivia heard her phone chime a few minutes later and knew it was him texting her

She slowly opened the door only allowing her head and shoulders to be visible. "Rafa" she breathed

"Liv, hi" he said with a smile. "I ran into the delivery guy downstairs" he said lifting up the bag of chinese take out. "I also brought one of your favorites" he said lifting the bottle of red wine

Oh what she wouldn't give for a drink right now.

Rafael bounced on his heel for a bit. "I know this is a suprise but are you gonna let me in?" He asked shifting his eyes inside before looking back at her

"O-of course" she whispered opening the door more but still staying behind it.

"You guys bought a lot of food" Rafael chuckled as he walked into the apartment

Olivia closed the door but didn't turn around to face him. "It's just me. Noah's sleeping over at Rollins"

"Oh. That's good" he raised an eyebrow when he notice Olivia's back was still facing him. "Everything okay?"

"Peachy" she mumbled. _"You gotta tell him about the baby"_ Shut up Fin. Olivia took a deep breath and counted to three before turning

"I thought I would have seen Noah tonight" The rest of Rafael's thoughts were cut off when Olivia finally turned around. His eyes flickered from her face to her stomach then back to her face again. Only for the cycle to repeat itself.

Without looking at him, she knew he was staring at her bump. Olivia placed an arm on her stomach as if she was trying to make it smaller.

An awkward, tense silence filled the space for a minute and Olivia was suddenly aware how little the worn out NYPD shirt was covering her.

Neither of them spoke until Olivia's stomach grumbled softly. She gave a nervous smile. "I really did want that Chinese."

That seemed to knock Rafael out of his trance. "Yes. Of course. You should sit. I could get it for you"

"That's okay" she started. "I can do it"

"No, you should stay off your feet, I can get it. As long as you didn't change where the plates are"

"I didn't" she said softly

"Good. Have a seat" 

Olivia slowly lowered herself into one corner of the couch and pushed a throw pillow behind her back

"Is there snything specific that you want?" Rafael asked. He was looking at a lot of containers for one person. One very pregnant person. Rafael gulped. One very pregnant Olivia Benson

"You can just put a little bit of everything. I couldn't make up my mind"

"Understandable" he made quick work of putting food in a plate for her. 

"You can have some if you want" she called out.

Rafael nodded and just put some rice into the orange chicken container for himself.

"Here you go" he offered her the plate before sitting on the opposite end of the couch

"Thanks" Olivia shoved two forkfuls into her mouth. 1. She had no idea what to tell him. 2. She really was hungry

"So umm congrats" he said after there was silence for a few minutes. "H-how far along are you?"

"32 weeks"

Rafael nodded slowly. "That's good. Is it a boy or a girl?"

"I never found out. Once they're healthy" Olivia said wrapping a protective arm around her bump. She felt a small nudge from inside.

"That's good." Harvard educated prosecuter and all he could say was 'that's good'

"How have you been?" Olivia asked

"I've been good"

"I see you kept the beard"

"Well, you mentioned that you liked it"

Olivia let out a breath as they settled into an uncomfortable silence again. "Rafa, I should tell you something"

"No, I should go" he said getting off the couch and putting the container on the coffee table. "I don't want your" his eyes dropped to her left hand and saw no ring. "boyfriend to come home and see his pregnant girlfriend sitting on the couch with another man. I should have called first"

"Rafa" Olivia groaned inwardly. She would never get off the couch fast enough to catch up to him. He was already almost to the door. "There is no boyfriend. It's just me, Noah and Bean"

Rafael stopped, his mind was racing. She was 32 weeks along. He had been gone for about 8 months. He had only seen her chest up on all of their video calls. She had been looking steadily chubbier. She always looked like she had something to say. _I do have something to remember that night by._ "What are you telling me Liv?"

"I'm telling you, that the baby is yours Rafa"

He turned and stared at her for a full minute. "How?"

"I think you're old enough to know how" she said with a small laugh.

"We only slept together one time" Rafael started pacing in a small circle

"Well one time is all it takes. This was a shock to me too."

"How do you know it's mine?"

Olivia was pretty sure her jaw was on the floor. "How do I know it's yours?" She asked as she pushed herself off the couch. "Because we had sex Rafael!" She shouted

"Lots of people have sex. You told me after that the odds of you getting pregnant were low" he was speaking fast as his words tried to match his thought process

"I did. But I-"

"Maybe you had sex with someone else and can't remember"

"Don't you think I would remember if I had sex with another man in the past eight months?!" This was not how she expected this conversation to go

"Well you did always love your reds" he pointed out

"What?"

"I'm just trying to figure out how it could be mine. It couldn't be if you kept it hidden from me for months!"

"Get out" Olivia said through clenched teeth. There was something unsettling about the way he kept calling bean _it_

"Months Olivia!" He threw his arms up.

"Get out of my apartment Barba"

Olivia walked to the door. "Out. Now"

Rafael grabbed the wine he had come with before taking his coat. Olivia slammed the door in his face before he could say anything else. She leaned heavily against the door. 

Olivia rubbed her stomach when she felt movement. "I'm sorry bean." She whispered. "I really am sorry"

xxx

"Don't worry Liv. Noah's fine" Amanda said as soon as she answered her phone. "Sonny's teaching them how to make cannolis"

Olivia gave a sad laugh. "How's that going?"

"A hot mess. He promised to clean my kitchen after"

"Good. Before he falls asleep, can you call me?"

"You can talk with him now if you want"

"No" Olivia shook her head even though she knew Amanda couldn't see. "One of us deserves to have a good night"

Amanda was finally hearing the tone in Olivia's voice. "Everything okay Liv?"

"I don't know"

"Is bean okay?"

"Kicking up a storm"

"Are you hurt?"

"No"

"I'm coming over okay?" Amanda became slightly concerned when Olivia didn't object. "I'll use my key to let myself in. Give me 20 minutes"

x

Fin woke up to someone pounding on his door

"Who is it?!" Fin shouted over the pounding at his door. "If you hit my door again, I'm gonna shoot!" He checked the peephole. _Barba_

Fin opened the door. "Barba?"

"Olivia's pregnant" Rafael said as he stumbled through the door

"What are you doing here man?" Fin grabbed Rafael's shoulders. "Are you drunk?"

"Forgive me for taking something to help me understand how Olivia's pregnant. With my child and nobody bothered to tell me"

"She's been trying to think of a way to tell you"

"Has she? Has she really?! I have been talking to Olivia for MONTHS! How hard could it have been to tell me?!"

Fin closed the door before his neighbors came out to the noise. "I'll get you some water, go sit on the couch"

"Are you hearing what I'm saying?!" Rafael shouted

"If you keep shouting at me in my own place, Imma throw you out the window. Sit on the couch"

Rafael pressed his lips together and sat on the couch.

Fin came a few seconds later with a glass of water. "Now drink this then talk"

"Is it really mine?" Rafael asked with a tense jaw. He hadn't bothered drinking the water

"That's what she told me" Fin sat next to him

"And she never has a reason to lie to you" 

"Look man, she didn't give me a list of men she slept with, but I don't think she would lie about the father of her child"

Rafael let out a sharp laugh

"I was there when Liv found out about the baby. She looked like she had seen a ghost and the first name she said was yours. Why would she lie about that?"

"Then why won't she tell me? We have been talking almost daily for four months" Rafael stressed. "She never said a word"

Fin looked down at his shoes. "I don't know why she didn't tell you but the baby's yours Barba"

"So it's mine" Rafael whispered "and I accused her of getting drunk and sleeping with another man"

"You what?!" Fin roared

x

"Liv?" Amanda called out as she entered the apartment. She saw Olivia curled up on the couch. Well as curled up as she could get, her bump prevented her knees from going past a certain point. The tv was on but the volume was on mute.

"Liv, what's happening?" Amanda crouched down in front of the couch.

"Barba was here"

"Barba? As in ex-ADA Rafael Barba?"

"You know another" Olivia scoffed

"What did... How did that go?"

"He asked how could I be so sure that the baby is his"

"Because you two had sex" Amanda answered

"Then he practically said I could have gotten drunk and slept with another man" Fresh tears sprang to Olivia's eyes. "I never slept with anybody else"

"I know Liv" Amanda soothed. She was going to kill Barba when she saw him.

"I did this all wrong. I never should have gone through with this. They told me I had options"

"Hey now, don't think like that. Never think like that. You made the best choice by choosing to keep bean. Don't let some stupid conversation with Barba change the fact that you did the right thing. You would be an amazing mother to this baby and Noah. Don't ever forget that."

"Thanks Amanda" Olivia said with a small smile.

"Now if bean could be a boy and weigh between eight to nine pounds then he would make his aunty Amanda a happy woman and a hundred dollars richer"

"Are you guys seriously betting on my baby?"

"Down to the minute he would be born. I got November 5th at 3 pm. Fin thinks he's gonna be born late November. Not a chance" Amanda scoffed. "Not with how big you already are, you're never going to make it to 40 weeks"

Olivia glared at her. "Thank you for cheering me up by calling me fat Rollins"

"No problem" Amanda grinned. "Want me to let Sonny bring Noah over?"

"No it's okay. He was excited for a sleepover"

Amanda ran a hand on Olivia's shoulder. "You gonna be okay?"

She sniffled. "Yeah. Can you help me up?"

Amanda stood up and helped Olivia into a seated position before pulling her to her feet.

"I know we kinda fought about this earlier, but this could have partially been avoided if you told him about bean earlier"

"I know" Olivia sighed

"Want me to find Barba and give him a piece of my mind?"

"No. I made my bed, I can't ask anyone else to lie in it. Let me walk you out"

"No, you get to bed. I'll walk myself out"

"Not an invalid Amanda" Olivia said with a slight eyeroll.

"I know, just trying to help" Amanda crossed her arms. "I'm not leaving until you're at least halfway to your bedroom"

Olivia reached for the remote but Amanda beat her to it and turned off the tv. "Fine. I'm going"

"I'll call you before Noah falls asleep" Amanda called out

x

"I need you to walk me through this man." Fin finally said when Rafael didn't answer him

"I go there to suprise her and she's pregnant. What else was I supposed to do?"

"I can't judge you cause I have no clue what I would say if I was in your shoes"

"I know that you all probably knew from the get go" Rafael said looking over at Fin

"We all knew around the same time she found out"

"And none of you bothered to tell me when it was evident that I had no idea I was going to be a father"

Fin raised his hands in surrender. "It wasn't our story to tell. If it means anything, we never told her to hide it from you"

"Yeah. Thanks" Rafael said with a scoff

"Let me take you back to your place, I'm not gonna let you stumble home to your apartment now"

"I don't have an apartment" Rafael said simply

"What?"

"I didn't know if I was coming back to New York so I was subletting my place until my lease was up at the end of the year. I can't kick them out in the middle of the month"

"So where are you staying?"

"In a hotel" Rafael sighed. "I don't have a job. I don't have a place to live. But I apparently have a child coming in the next few weeks" Rafael let out a humorless laugh. " _Dios_ "

Fin stood up. "Couch isn't comfortable but sleep here tonight. Tomorrow you can go back to your hotel"

"I can't ask you to do that"

"Just stay there until morning. I'll get you something to cover with"

Fin came back a few minutes later with a throw blanket. "If I'm gone before you get up, leave the key with the super"

Rafael nodded as he laid down

"And write your new number somewhere I can find it. I may need to find you later"

Rafael remained wordless as he pulled the blanket around his body.

Fin sighed. This whole situation was a mess


	10. Chapter 10

"When I see Barba, I'm gonna kill him" Amanda growled as she sat down behind her desk

"Barba? He's back?" Carisi asked

"Came in like a hurricane. He's lucky I don't know where he is right now"

"I can save you the trouble, I left him sleeping off a hangover on my couch" Fin said

"You took him in? Why?"

"Cause the man is practically homeless. He had a hotel room on the otherside of town. I wasn't going to let him stumble over there drunk"

"After what he said to Liv"

"What did he say to Liv?" Carisi asked, but his question was ignored

"Can you blame the man?" Fin turned to look at her. "She knew about the baby for months and she was in contact with him. At any point Liv could have told him, but she didn't. He came back to see his-" Fin stopped. _What were they to each other_? "Whatever the hell they are! Either way now she's pregnant and says it's his. Can you blame him for getting a bit defensive?"

"I don't blame him for being defensive but he could have picked his words better" Amanda argued

"What words did he pick?"

"So the man blurted out the first rational thing he thought. Shoot him" Fin threw up his hands

"What did he say?" Carisi was practically begging now

"Rational" Amanda scoffed. "Rational would be staying to talk"

"Seriously Rollins? You put yourself in his shoes"

"Hey Liv. What are you doing in?" Carisi asked putting an end to Amanda and Fin's conversation

"Had some reports to hand off to Narcotics and I needed a few minutes out of my apartment" Olivia looked at all of them. "What's happening?"

"Nothing" Fin said. "We could carry it down for you"

"It's fine. I'm heading to my office, don't disturb me unless it's important" she started off again to her office

Carisi waited until Olivia's office door closed. "Go talk to her" he urged Fin

"Why me?"

Amanda tilted her head. "I'm not going in there to tell her Barba's sleeping on your couch"

Fin huffed as he stood up. "The man had no place to go Rollins" he argued back as he walked to Olivia's offic.

Fin knocked gently on her door before opening. "Hey Liv. I heard-"

"I don't want to talk about this Fin" Olivia said putting down a bagel as she continued sorting through some papers on her desk

"I just want you to know-"

"I said I don't want to talk Fin!" She shouted. "Damn, I have to go down for a different form" Olivia whispered

"Let me do that for you"

"I can do it"

Fin moved to help her up

"I got it" Olivia waved him off as she stood up

"Liv"

"Think I'm going to take the stairs" Olivia mumbled. "I need a few minutes to clear my head"

Fin pursed his lips as he watched Olivia head towards the staircase

"Well?" Carisi asked

"Well, what?" Fin snapped. "She didn't wanna talk"

"I'll go talk to her" Carisi said getting up

x

Olivia let out a small yelp as her foot slipped and she landed on the step

"Liv? That you?" She heard footsteps approaching.

Olivia looked up, of all people it had to be Carisi. "Yeah, it's me. Can you help me up?" She asked stretching out a hand

"What happened?"

She might as well be honest "I slipped on the step" she could see the panic form on Carisi's face before he voiced it.

"You fell?! We have to get you to the hospital!" He shouted as he helped Olivia to her feet

"No Carisi. I slipped from right there to here. I did not roll and tumble. I'm fine"

"No we gotta get you to a hospital. Make sure you both are okay"

"We're okay. My ass is probably just bruised"

But Carisi was ignoring her as he guided her slowly up the stairs back into the bullpen. "Stay here. Let me go get your things"

"Sonny can you just calm down?"

"You just came with this bag today?" Carisi asked

Olivia sighed. "Bring my bagel I wasn't finished with it"

Carisi finally reappeared with her things. He helped her put on her coat. "Alright, lets go"

"Where are you two headed?" Amanda asked seeing Carisi usher Olivia into the elevator

"Hospital. Lieu fell down the stairs."

"I did not fall down the stairs"

"You fell down the stairs?!" Amanda shouted ignoring Olivia as she stepped into the elevator

"I slipped and landed on my ass."

"Who fell down the stairs?" Fin asked as he came around the corner.

"Liv did"

"She what? When?" He joined them in the elevator. Olivia rolled her eyes. 

"I dunno I was going down and she was sitting there"

"You let her fall?!" Amanda shouted

"I didn't do anything!" Carisi shouted back

"I didn't fall" but Olivia's protest were ignored as they all continued shouting over themselves

"Rollins! Leave the man alone!" Fin stepped between the two of them

"Hey!" Olivia shouted. "I did not fall down the stairs. I slipped. I am fine, my ass hurts but I'm fine"

"When a doctor tells us that, we would be satisfied"

"Speaking of" Carisi took out her phone. "Call your doctor, so that way she would know that we're coming"

xxx

"Hey I'm looking for Dr. Halloway" Carisi said at the desk. "We called ahead"

"I'm Dr. Halloway" a woman in pink scrubs said

"Good. I'm Sonny. We work with Liv. She fell down the stairs"

"I did not fall down the stairs" Olivia huffed.

"I just want her to get checked out. Make sure everything is alright with her and the baby"

Dr. Halloway turned to Olivia. "You fell down the stairs?"

"I slipped. I think I even landed on the same step I slipped on. But Winking, Blinking and Nod still hauled me out from work, even though I'm fine" she glared at them. 

"Didn't I advise maternity leave?"

Olivia chuckled nervously when all eyes were on her.

"Didn't you say your doctor said you could work?"

"I only do three days a week" Olivia shrugged

"Dr. Halloway can Liv just get checked out. Maybe an ultrasound or something"

"Can't I just go?" Olivia whined. "My back hurts and I just wanna go home"

"Your friend has the right idea. It's better to be safe than sorry. Let's get you hooked up on some monitors so I could make sure everything is okay"

"This isn't necessary" Olivia complained but still allowed herself to be led to a hospital room

"You can get comfortable on the bed, a nurse would bring you a gown soon"

Olivia glared at Carisi as she sat on the bed. "I hate you"

Fin chuckled as he stepped out the room. He had to call Barba

xxx

"I'm looking for somebody, Olivia Benson" Rafael said as he leaned against the nurses' station. "She had to come in like 20, maybe 30 minutes ago"

"Just a second. Do you mind me asking what's your relationship to the patient?"

"I'm her..." _Baby daddy. Former lover and best friend_ "Is that really necessary?" He asked annoyed

"He's with me" Fin said coming around the corner. "No need for all the questions"

Rafael gratefully moved away from the desk and followed Fin

"Is everything okay?" Rafael asked as Fin led him down the hall

"Everything's fine. Carisi just overreacted"

"What happened?"

"She slipped on the steps."

"She fell?!"

"I wouldn't mention that if I were you. She's already mad that we dragged her here"

"Is the...baby okay?" He whispered

"I think so. Her doctor just wants to monitor her for a while. She could probably leave in about an hour"

"Good" Rafael said nodding his head. "I'm probably going to leave. I just wanted to make sure that everything was okay"

"You ain't gonna stay to see Liv?" 

"It - I - This" Rafael took a deep breath. "I don't think that's the best thing right now" he took a key out of his pocket. "I also have your key. Your super wasn't in"

"Barba listen, I stayed out of Liv's business and it did nothing, so now I'm stepping in. You need to go in there and talk to her"

"And say what exactly?"

"I dunno. And I don't care. Talk about the weather or some shit. But you two need to talk"

"So just go in there and say, 'nice weather we're having. Thanks for keeping my unborn child a secret. Nice to know everything's okay.' Does that make sense to you?" Rafael leaned against the wall. "I don't even know if I-" he ran a hand down his face. "God" he groaned

Fin turned to look at him. "You don't know what?"

"Nobody even asked me if I wanted to be a father. If I was ready" Rafael stressed. "No one figured out if this was something I wanted"

"Then you gotta talk about that"

"It's too late for my opinion. Sh-she...she's already 32 weeks along. She's already attached. Whether I'm ready to be a father or not is irrelevant"

"It is relevant. That baby has half of your DNA"

Rafael made a noise. "Are you sure she's okay?"

"See for yourself" Fin gestured towards the window

Rafael looked into the room. Carisi was looking at the monitors, and Amanda was sprawled out on a chair next to Olivia's bedside. Olivia was sitting up in a hospital bed, donned in a gown with blue socks on her feet, she had a finger absentmindedly tracing circles on her stomach as she texted someone

"You ready for this counsellor?" Fin asked

"As ready as I'll ever be"

"Hey Liv, I got a visitor for you" Fin as he opened the door.

"Great" Olivia said dryly. "Why not just call everybody and tell them I'm in here" she looked up at Fin. "Rafa?" Olivia tried to push herself up straighter

Rafael gave a small wave. "Hi"

Amanda and Fin exchanged a look. "We'll give you two some space" They were almost to the door when they realized Carisi was not behind them. 

He was still scrutinizing the fetal monitor. 

"Sonny" Amanda whispered harshly. "Let's give them some space"

"I'm checking that everything's okay. They could talk around me"

Fin grabbed Carisi's arm. "Get your ass out here"

"We're going for something to eat. Burger Liv?"

"And a milkshake too" Olivia called out before the door closed.

Rafael looked down as the room became silent with the exception of the monitors. "So everything's okay with the baby"

"Bean is fine. But due to Carisi's insistence I was gowned and hooked up three different ways to be monitored for an hour and a half before I can go home" Olivia glanced at him. "You can go if you have somewhere else to be. Nothing interesting is happening here"

"I - I don't have anywhere to be. I came to check on you and...and Bean" 

"Oh" Olivia looked down at her sock covered feet

His eyes snapped up to Olivia when she gasped and pressed a hand to the side of her stomach.

"Is everything okay? Should I go get a doctor?"

Olivia waved him off. "Bean just kicked pretty hard" she glanced over at Rafael. He looked just about ready to pull his hair out. "You are panicking more than Carisi" she laughed

He chuckled. "Can you blame me? I've never dealt with this type of situation before"

"Neither have I, but I don't go flying off the rails"

"Eh. You learned how to keep calm"

It was not lost on them that this was their first humane conversation since he came back.

"Why are you here Rafa?" Olivia whispered

"Fin called. He thought I should know"

"I figured as much. I mean why are you here, in New York? You just suddenly came back with no warning"

"I was done with Iowa. Olivia I came back for you. You and Noah. I never expected a pregnancy, it took me by suprise"

"You made that abundantly clear"

There was once more, a tense silence.

"When?" Rafael asked with a hoarse voice. "When were you planning to tell me?"

"I don't know. I've been trying to think of ways to tell you that I was pregnant. But everytime I worked up the nerve you were either busy or I was busy and I" a few tears gathered in Olivia's eyes. "Then days turned into weeks and then... You were here" she looked up at Rafael. "Bean is yours. I know you doubted that because I didn't tell you, but bean is yours"

"Olivia I'm sorry for what I said last night. I should have never insinuated that. I would help support...bean, financally. If that's something you want" he added quickly

"You can support and be apart of bean's life Rafa. I wanted you to know. I wanted you to know since the day I found out, but do you know difficult it was to wake up and hear that I was ten weeks along with a baby I didn't think was possible"

"Wait, woke up? Did something happen?"

"After you left I was exhausted all the time" Olivia fiddled with the gown. "I thought it was just stress and the job catching up to me. I fainted in the breakroom one morning and when I got to the hospital the doctor said I was pregnant"

"I'm sorry. You should have never had to go through that"

"It's okay. For the first day I almost thought about ending the pregnancy. But then I had a change of heart. I tried to tell you everytime that you called Rafa. I really did. I tried to form the words but it never seemed right. I'm sorry that I waited so long"

"Did- do you have a lot of complications?" It would kill him if she was suffering in the slightest

"Everything's okay, all things considered. You know, with the age and first time pregnancy. But me and bean, we're okay"

"Everything okay?" Rafael asked as he watch Olivia intensely. "You added your other hand" he explained gesturing to where she had both of her hands splayed on either side of her bump, with her thumbs idly gliding back and forth

Olivia looked down. "Oh yeah. Bean is just moving and kicking alot. Probably as desperate as I am to get out of here"

"Oh"

Olivia glanced at him. "You can feel if you want" she whispered

"Can I?"

"Yeah, just put your hand anywhere"

Olivia watched as he slowly walked over. He kept looking at her stomach like it might disappear

"I'm not going to bite, just put your hand somewhere"

Rafael placed his hand gently on Olivia's stomach. He didn't feel anything. He pulled his eyebrows together in confusion until Olivia moved his hand slightly more to the left and then he felt it. The nudges and small thumps against his palm. "I... This... Wow"

Olivia chuckled. "The great Rafael Barba is speechless"

Rafael ignored her and stroked the spot. There was a baby in there. **_His_** baby. His baby was currently kicking his hand. " _Hola bebé. Soy tu papi_ " Every doubt in his mind was gone. He wanted to be there for this baby. His baby.

Olivia felt her eyes starting to well with tears. Guilt was gnawing at the pit of her stomach. She almost deprived him of this experience

He tinally looked up from her stomach to her eyes. "Livia, I"

His words were cut off by a knock at the door before it was opened.

Rafael quickly pulled back his hand and Olivia almost whimpered at the lack of warmth.

"We got your burger" Amanda said putting the bag down on the table.

Olivia's eyebrows raised when she saw Carisi put a cup filled with orange juice next to it. "Where's my milkshake?"

"I got you some orange juice. It's healthier than the milkshake" Carisi explained

Rafael watched Fin and Amanda take a step back and thought it would be wise to do the same when Olivia gave Carisi a murderous glare.

"If I wanted orange juice don't you think I would have asked"

"I know but it's healthier. No added sugar and cream" he looked to Amanda for help and she shook her head

Olivia reached out and grabbed his tie, pulling him closer. "There had better be fries in that bag or so help me God Carisi! I will make it look like an accident" she snarled

"I... kinda choking here Liv" Carisi coughed out

"Yes or no to the fries"

"No" Carisi wheezed

"I got you fries Liv" Fin said holding out another bag. She let go of Carisi. "And your milkshake" 

"Thank you" Olivia said gratefully as she grabbed the cup

"And that's gonna make **me** godfather" Fin whispered

"Here" Amanda pushed a bag to Rafael's chest and he almost fell. "Fin got you something" 

Fin gave him an apologetic smile

"I should kill you" Amanda whispered to Rafael

"Excuse me?" Rafael turned to look at her

"You heard me. I should kill you right now for what you said last night, but bean should get to know you"

"She's more bark than bite" Fin said squeezing between them as he glared at Amanda

Rafael nodded and looked up at Olivia to see if she heard.

"She shuts everybody out when she's eating" Fin was following his gaze. "You could drop dead right now and she won't see"

"I saw her almost bite her finger two weeks ago" Carisi said adjusting his collar

Olivia looked up at them between chews. "What?"

"Nothing" they chorused


	11. Chapter 11

"So you mind if I pick your brain about a few law questions?" Carisi asked Rafael

"Umm sure"

"Carisi" Fin kicked the back of rhe chair he was sitting on. "The man's not here to answer your questions"

"Well sorry" Carisi made a face causing Olivia to laugh

Dr. Halloway knocked on the open door before entering. "Nice to see everybody enjoying themselves. How are you feeling Olivia?"

"I'm ready to go home"

Dr. Halloway chuckled. "Let me just check your results and then I can send you on your way" she moved towards the set of screens on the other side of Olivia's bed

"Can I go home now?" Olivia asked when there was silence for a few minutes

"Not quite. I'm seeing here that you had some contractions"

"What? Are you sure? I didn't feel anything"

"You had about four in the last forty minutes or so"

"Maybe it's just stress. That's a thing right?" Amanda asked

"I would think that except they followed a pattern. They were all about ten minutes apart, lasted for 30 seconds, reached their peak at 20 seconds"

"No. It's too soon" Olivia whimpered as she wrapped both arms around her stomach.

"Remember Olivia we spoke about this. There was a chance that your baby could have been born early. Now 32 weeks is not ideal, but your baby is a bit above the average size, they would have a fighting chance. I'm still going to start you on a magnesium drip to hopefully stop the contractions. I'm also going to give baby some steriods just in case, we can't get the contractions to stop"

"No. No" Olivia cried and Rafael's heart broke when he saw the tears running down her cheeks. The rest of them were probably used to it as Fin just placed a hand on her shoulder and rubbed it gently.

"How long before you know if the magnesium's working?" Amanda asked

"I would like to keep you overnight"

"Overnight?! I can't! I have Noah. I promised to make him spaghetti and I -" she groaned cutting off her sentence. She finally felt this contraction

Dr. Halloway quickly turned back to the monitor. "Let's get that magnesium started right now" she said to the nurse. "Olivia you need to try and remain calm. Take some deep breaths" Olivia was starting to hyperventilate

They all turned when one of the monitors started making noise.

"Is that the baby?"

"No. It's Olivia's. I need you to take deep breaths Olivia. The more you panic the worse you would make things for your baby"

Rafael moved forward and held Olivia's hand. "Livia, just breathe. Just breathe with me"

Amanda watched with a raised eyebrow as Olivia locked eyes with Rafael and tried to mimic his breathing

Even Dr. Halloway paused to look at the both of them.

Rafael rubbed the back of Olivia's hand with his thumb as her breathing slowly returned to normal. "Good. Just keep taking some deep breaths"

"What about Noah?" Olivia asked after a minute of deep breathing

"I can take him" Amanda said. "He can stay with me"

Olivia nodded. "Don't scare him"

"I won't" Amanda promised

"You know one of you can stay" the nurse offered. "To help keep her calm"

They all exchanged glances. Amanda stepped back slightly. She couldn't watch Noah and stay with Olivia.

"I can stay" Rafael looked around the room. "Unless one of you wanted to"

"Liv, you want Barba to stay?"

"Yes" she whispered

"Then this is all on you counsellor. We'll see you guys tomorrow"

xxx

Rafael shifted on the cot in the corner of the room. He was sure the hard, plastic chair at Olivia's bedside was probably more comfortable. 

The fear of waking her up kept Rafael on the uncomfortable excuse for a bed.

Rafael looked up when he heard what sounded like sniffling. "Liv?"

"I'm okay" 

He moved to sit on the chair near her bedside. In the dull light from the hall he could see her tears

"Then why are you crying?"

"Because I'm scared Rafa. I could go into labor and I'm terrified." She turned onto her side to face him. "I can't be strong. I can't be brave. I can't think everything might be okay, because it might not be. Bean would be almost two months early. That's weeks in the NICU. I can't go through that again, I already did it with Noah"

"You can't think like that Olivia. This isn't ideal but you can't think so negative. Everything's going to be okay. Bean would be okay, they have you for a mother" he placed an open hand on her stomach. The movement he had felt earlier was nothing compared to this. "Bean moves alot huh"

"Only when I try to relax" she sniffled

"How often is that?"

"Almost daily now" Olivia sighed.

"How do you sleep?"

She shrugged. "Sometimes I talk and the kicking stops or I just lay around and wait"

" _Bebé_ if you calm down and let your _mami_ rest then I promise to get you a car the minute you turn 16"

"Already negotiating" Olivia teased

"I'm always ready to make a deal. It's the lawyer in me"

Olivia gave a small smile. Rafael's hand felt warm against her body. It was comforting, almost therapeutic.

"H-how many people knew about bean before me?" He had yet to remove his hand

"Noah, Lucy, my squad and Tucker"

"Tucker?" Rafael's jaw clenched

"He saw me walking Noah to school last week"

Rafael nodded slowly and looked down at his hand. He curled one of his fingers slowly. There was some form of peace feeling his child move below his hand.

"Rafa" Olivia whispered. "Why did you come back?"

"I left and suddenly all the color was gone. I was left in a world of black and white. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't see my green greens and goldens, until I called you. Then I realized you were needed. You had to be by my side to help me see. I needed you to not be colorblind" he looked up and saw tears gathered in Olivia's eyes.

"Rafa, I don't know what to say"

"I'm not telling you this to force some decision on you. I just think you should know why I ran back here"

"But Rafa I-"

"Don't. Don't say anything. Don't feel like you have to say something because of what I just said"

There was silence between them until Rafael chuckled when the movement below his hand increased. "Thought we had a deal _bebé_. You were supposed to let your _mamí_ rest."

Olivia laughed and placed a hand next to Rafael's own. "Tell him you listen to no one except yourself. And you do whatever you want"

"Definitely your child. That Benson stubborn streak is strong"

"My stubborn streak? You're the headstrong one here"

Rafael laughed then looked up at Olivia as she yawned. "You should get some rest"

"Kinda hard when somebody is having a party inside of you. I might just lay here for a while, you can go rest"

Rafael took in Olivia's face. She looked exhausted, side effect of growing his child. "Think I know something that can help" Rafael bent down until he was level with her bump amd started singing

Olivia smiled as she listened to him sing a lullaby in Spanish. On a good day she would know exactly what he was saying but now, she was too tired to translate. Olivia felt her eyes grow heavy as bean's kicks got less.

Rafael looked up when he heard the soft snores. "Now your _mami_ is sleeping, please let her get some rest, she's had a stressful 24 hours. You can even get some rest too" he smiled when the movement ceased. " _Gracias bebé_ " he whispered

"Sorry to interrupt" a voice whispered. Rafael looked up and saw Dr. Halloway enter the room

"She finally fell asleep, does she need to wake up?"

"No. I just came to check how everything's going"

Rafael tried to make sense of the readings. All the lines looked the same and he didn't know if that was good or bad.

"Is the magnesium working?" He asked hopefully

"Yes. I haven't seen anymore contractions. I might keep her until noon, just to make sure everything is okay" she looked down slightly at Rafael. He still had a somewhat protective hand on her stomach. "She's going to be okay"

"I know. She's strong"

Dr. Halloway gave a small smile. "I'll be back in the morning to check on her"

Rafael watched as she left the room. He looked down at his hand, he should move it. Bean was no longer moving. Olivia was sleeping peacefully.

Rafael scrunched up his nose as he thought. He should keep his hand there, just in case bean started moving again. He would want to stop that before Olivia woke up. Rafael sat back in the chair as his thumb glided back and forth across the fabric of the gown.

______

"Uncle Rafa!" Noah shouted when he saw the man in the room the next morning

Rafael jumped slightly and placed a finger to his lips when Olivia stirred. He breathed a sigh of relief when she didn't wake up. 

He motioned for Noah and Amanda to walk outside the room. 

"She could sleep though an earthquake now. How is she?" Amanda wanted to ask how he was doing. He looked like he barely slept at all.

"The contractions stopped, she might be discharged this afternoon. Dr. Halloway stopped by earlier, she said she would be back when Liv wakes up"

"That's good. This guy was itching to come visit her"

"Hey _amigo_ " Rafael opened his arms and Noah jumped into them for a hug

"You came back Uncle Rafa! You really came back"

"I told you I would see you soon"

Amanda smiled at the two of them. She would leave Rafael alive for now. "Did you get any sleep?"

"I'll survive" He had probably been asleep for three seconds when Noah shouted his name

"Uncle Rafa come on let's go buy breakfast" Noah urged tugging on his hands

Rafael glanced back at the room where Olivia was sleeping

Amanda could see his apprehension. "I'll stay with Liv. You two go ahead"

xxx

"We have to get something for mommy" Noah said seriously as they looked at the selection of muffins.

"What do you think she would want?"

"Two of those." Noah pointed to a blueberry muffin. "And that" he pointed to a corn muffin. "And that one" he pointed to a chocolate chip one.

Rafael raised his eyebrows as he looked down at Noah

"Mommy says bean eats alot" Noah shrugged

Rafael threw his head back in a laugh. "What do you want?"

"I want that" Noah pointed to a cinnamon roll

Rafael paid for all of the muffins Noah pointed out and the cinnamon roll before ordering coffee for himself

He sat at a small table so Noah could eat the cinnamon roll

"Are you gonna stay forever?" Noah asked as he chewed

"I'm going to try"

"Good. Cause mommy cried alot when you were gone" Noah picked at his breakfast. "She doesn't know I know"

Rafael shifted uncomfortably on the chair. "I promise that won't happen again"

"Did you bring me something from Iowa?" Noah perked up

"I may have bought something"

"Really? Where is it?"

"I'll give it to you another day" Rafael felt his phone vibrate. "C'mon _amigo_. Your _mami_ 's awake" he stood up and waited for Noah to take his hand

x

"Good morning" Amanda whispered when she saw Olivia's eyes open.

Olivia blinked as she took in the room. Did she dream that Rafael was here? "Was Rafa..."

"He and Noah went to get breakfast"

Olivia nodded. "Did Dr. Halloway come in yet?"

"She'll be back when you wake up"

Olivia took a deep breath as she slowly rolled onto her back. Both hands came to rest below her bump. "Do you know if the magnesium's working?"

"Barba said they stopped last night"

"Thank God" Olivia breathed

Amanda took out her phone to text Rafael

"I have good timing I see" Dr. Halloway. She glanced at Amanda. "I see your other friend went to stretch his legs"

"He took my son to get something to eat"

Dr. Halloway nodded. "I have one thing I really need to talk to you about. That maternity leave I suggested" she started, "is no longer a suggestion. Go home. Rest. No excessive stress. No strenuous exercises"

"I know" Olivia said

"You're a lieutenant right?"

Olivia nodded

"I know there's no way I can stop this so I'm going to give you guidelines. You are not to go to work and interrogate or chase down suspects, or be there for a full work day. You can consult, maybe sign off on cases if it is absolutely necessary. But for the most part, stay home and take it easy"

"I'll make sure of that" Amanda piped up from the corner. "I recorded it all for Sonny. You know how much he loves rules"

x

Noah tugged on Rafael's hand when he stopped moving. "Come on uncle Rafa"

"I actually have to go" Rafael said softly. "Your _mami_ 's room is right there" he pointed to the door on the left. "Tell your _mami_ I said bye"

"You're not staying?"

"I have to go do some stuff. But I'll see you soon _amigo_ , I promise"

Noah nodded "you pinky promise?"

Rafael hooked his pinky around Noah's. "I pinky promise. Now go on before your _mami_ get's worried"

Rafael watched him run into Olivia's room before quietly slipping around the corner. 

x

"Mommy! You're awake!" Noah said running into the room.

"Hi sweet boy" Olivia smiled as Noah came closer to the bed. Her eyes flickered out the door to look for Rafael.

"We got you muffins" he lifted the paper bag

"Thank you. Where's uncle Rafa?"

"He said he had to do something. He walked me to the corner and told me bye"

Amanda watched Olivia try to hide her disappoint as she took the bag.

"Can you come home now?"

"Yeah" Olivia gave a small smile. "I'm going to be home for a long time"

"Yay!" Noah cheered


	12. Chapter 12

Olivia stared at her phone as she leaned against the kitchen counter. Four days later and all she got was one text from Rafael asking if she was discharged.

Before he came back to New York he would have called everyday and skyped at least twice. Olivia put down her _pastelito_ and rubbed a hand over her bump, she really should have told him in the beginning. Life would have been so much smoother.

A knock on the door distracted her. 'I should call Rafa.' She checked the peephole. Olivia was convinced she had superpowers now, everytime she thought about calling Rafael he appeared at her doorstep.

"Rafa" Olivia said when she opened the door. She looked down at the gift bag in his hand. "What's this?"

"I umm I got something for bean and Noah" he looked uneasy at her door. "It's nothing big" he stretched out his hand slightly to her.

"You can come in and put it down. If you're not busy"

Rafael gave a curt nod as he walked into the apartment. Olivia locked the door behind him and let out a breath. Her best friend for almost 6 years. And now they were just dancing awkwardly around each other.

"I see the toy box is still decorative" Rafael quipped

Olivia gave a small laugh. "I have been meaning to clean, it's just kinda hard to clean up after him now"

"Right" he nodded. "Because of..." He gestured toward her stomach.

"Yeah" Olivia grimaced slightly when she felt a sharp kick. Bean always found the best times to try and dislodge one of her internal organs. 

"Everything okay?" Rafael had seen her grimace. 

"Bean likes to remind me that they're going to be a soccer player"

"Shouldn't you be sitting?"

"No, it's fine. Let me just show you where you can put that down"

Rafael followed Olivia into her bedroom. He couldn't remember if before today he had stepped foot in here. "That's a big pillow you got there"

"Sonny got it for me. He said it's supposed to help me sleep. Something about molding to my body and back support"

"Does it work?"

"Most nights. If bean's not kicking or I don't have heartburn" she turned to the corner where the other gifts had piled up. "You can just put it on top of the 'bean pyramid,' as Noah calls it"

Rafael took the stuffed giraffe out of the bag before resting it on top of the pile. "I figured since Noah has Eddie, then the baby could have an animal too"

Olivia was embarassed that she almost started crying.

"I got Noah that book about animals he wanted" Rafael lifted the bag. He realized Noah still hadn't been out to greet him. "Where is Noah, if you don't mind me asking?" It was the weekend. He wasn't in school.

"He's taking a nap"

"In the middle of the day?"

"Yeah" Olivia sighed. "I think he's coming down with something. He felt a little warm. I called his pediatrician and she said if the fever got worse to bring him in."

"Are you going to drive him there?" Rafael didn't think it was safe in her condition

"No umm Fin took my keys about a month and a half ago. Sonny said to call if we need to go to the doctor"

Rafael nodded. She already had her village helping her raise bean.

"You forgot your jacket" Olivia said suddenly. "At the hospital" she explained when Rafael gave her a strange look.

"Ah yes. I wondered why the air felt a bit more chilly when I left"

"You left so secretly I didn't get a chance to give it back to you"

"I uhh" Rafael looked down

"It's okay. I brought it home for you. I mean I brought it home with me to give to you when you... I mean if you ever wanted to" Olivia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I have it. It's out here" she walked out of her bedroom and towards the small dining table 

"Shoot" Olivia looked at the jacket on the floor. Noah must have knocked it off the chair. "Can you get that? I can do it, but it just takes a while with the going down and coming back up"

"I got it" he bent down and picked up the jacket. "I should let you get back to your maternity leave." He started towards the door and Olivia followed him

"Yeah. I'm probably just going to clean up the living room first and then watch whatever's on tv"

"You sit. I can clean up the toys" Rafael offered

"I can't ask you to do that Rafa. You were already leaving"

"I've got nothing else to do. Just sit. I'm pretty sure your doctor said to rest" he put his coat on the rack

Olivia gave up trying to fight as she moved toward the couch. She sat on the couch and wiggled around as she tried to get comfortable.

Rafael kneeled down in the middle of the toys. "Everything goes in the box?" 

"Yeah and the big trucks go on the last shelf on the bookcase" she pushed a throw pillow behind her back

"Everything okay?" He glanced at Olivia

"Yeah, just trying to get comfortable"

Rafael gave her one last look. "Alright" he continued putting the legos into the toy box

Noah shuffled into the living room. "Uncle Rafa" he greeted weakly as he climbed on the couch next to Olivia.

"Everything okay, sweet boy?" Olivia brushed back some of Noah's curls

"Mommy" Noah whined as he nuzzled Olivia's side. "My tummy hurts"

"How bad?" Her question was answered when Noah threw up on her shirt. "Oh"

"I'm sorry mommy"

"It's okay. Let's get you cleaned up" she shifted closer to the edge of the couch

"I can do it Liv." Rafael got off the floor. "You should get cleaned up"

Olivia wanted to protest but this was starting to make her sick. "His pajamas are in the top right drawer"

"Got it. Come on Noah, let's get you changed" He ushered Noah down the hall

Olivia pushed herself off the couch and headed to her bedroom for clean clothes. Thank God she settled for a button down this morning.

She shed her dirty shirt into the hamper before searching through her clothes. Had it been her and Noah home alone she would have worn whatever, whether it fit properly or not or not. But Rafael was here as well. All of her more roomy tops needed to be washed. 

Olivia sighed. She needed to get the laundry done. She pulled out a baggy sweatshirt. It might work for today

Rafael knocked just as she was pulling on a sweatshirt. 

"Do I have to call Sonny?" Olivia asked

"I don't think so. He said his tummy feels a bit better. I got him changed and back into bed. I hate to say it, but I think throwing up made it better"

Olivia chuckled. "I guess it was payback for me throwing up on that reporter"

"The newspaper headline" Rafael confirmed. "You were sick that day right?"

"It was morning sickness." _It should be called anytime of day sickness._ "Noah calls it hotdog sickness"

"Oh" He gestured out into the hall. "You want to start watching whatever's on tv or do you want to rest?"

Olivia smiled. "Watch tv, wanna stay?"

He shrugged. "I may have to change around my calendar but I can make spare some time"

"Thank God for spare time" she said with a smile. Rafael followed her back to the couch. 

Olivia sat back in her previous position and Rafael sat on the opposite end. He watched Olivia rest her head back. "Everything okay?" She looked tired

"Fine." Olivia ran a hand through her hair. "I was doing something before" she mumbled as her eyes started closing. She was almost asleep when her eyes snapped back open "Eating. I was eating" Olivia almost got off the couch when Rafael stopped her

"Tell me where it is, I can get it"

"I think I left it in the kitchen. God, I can't remember anything lately"

" _Pastelitos_?" Rafael raised an eyebrow as he brought over the half eaten pastries

"I had Fin pick them up for me this morning. I was craving Cuban food" she said sheepishly.

Rafael gave a small laugh. "Real Cuban food only comes from the source" he sat back on his end of the couch

"Best I could get" Olivia shrugged as she settled back on the couch. She took a bite and let out a soft moan. "Sorry" she said sheepishly in Rafael's direction

"It's okay. I never knew you liked Cuban food this much"

It was a few seconds later when Olivia turned back to him. "Huh?"

 _"She shuts everybody out when she's eating."_ Fin was not wrong. "Nothing" Rafael said with a small laugh. "I think the last time I had _pastelitos_ was when _mi abuelita_ was alive"

"I'm sorry. You can have a piece if you want" Olivia offered him the plate.

Rafael shook his head. "I know not to get between a pregnant woman and her cravings"

"What did they tell you?" Olivia knew how her squad could get and she saw them all talking at her bedside

"Nobody told me anything. Just common knowledge"

Olivia remembered the one thing she wanted to talk to him about. "I'm sorry if you felt like you had to stay at the hospital the other day"

"I wanted to" he clarified

"With the way how you just slipped out, I assumed..."

"I - I was just feeling overwhelmed. I needed a moment still to process what was going on. I should have told you I was leaving. Also, I was in desperate need of a shower"

"That's okay. I did kinda spring all of this on you" Olivia put her plate on the coffee table. She leaned back and stroked her stomach.

"Bean kicking?" Rafael asked

"Yeah. Better that it happens now then when I'm trying to sleep tonight"

Rafael reached out a hand and placed it on her bump before reaching for the remote. He chuckled when he felt the strong thumps against his palm. "Come on _bebé_ , we talked about this. You have to take it easy on _tu madre_ "

Olivia looked down at his hand as Rafael continued to flip through the channels. His thumb stroked her stomach gently, as if this was the most casual thing. As if they had been doing this all along. Olivia placed a hand next to Rafael's own. 

She covered a yawn with her other hand. This was a moment they should have shared months ago. This was something she could get used to

"Look it's The Wizard of Oz" he finally settled on a channel. He turned to Olivia when she was still silent. Rafael laughed when he realized Olivia had fallen asleep. A part of him wanted to wake her up but he knew rest was important. All the books he had crammed last night said the same thing. They also said she should be lying on her left side.

He could do that. Rafael laid her head down on a throw pillow and lifted her feet onto the part of the couch he was sitting on previously. Amanda was right, she could sleep through an earthquake.

Rafael broke a piece of the _pastelito_ still on the plate before popping it into his mouth. He made a face. It wasn't bad, but he could do better than that. He got up and checked her cupboards, they lacked most of the necessities for any dish Cuban related.

He still had the number for his grocery deliverer. He glanced at Olivia sleeping on the couch. Would she really sleep through all of that?

xxx

Olivia shifted on the couch as she woke up. She had a dream that someone was cooking. She almost didn't want to wake up.

Olivia looked down and saw Noah sitting on the floor with Eddie watching a cartoon, a blanket was wrapped around his shoulders. A small bin was next to him, and saltines and ginger ale were on the coffee table in front of him and next to it, was a plate covered with foil.

"Noah? What are you doing out here?"

"Uncle Rafa told me to wait right here until you wake up"

"Where's uncle Rafa?"

"He left a loooong, long time ago." Olivia knew that could either be between 2 minutes to 2 hours ago. "He got me and Eddie crackers. He left you this" Noah pointed to the plate

Olivia sat up slowly as she reached for the plate. There was a post-it with Rafael's handwriting. 'Real Cuban food'

She lifted the foil and saw _Picadillo_. How long had she been asleep?

"Uncle Rafa said to make sure that you eat. I ate some already" Noah said

Olivia lifted her phone when she heard it chime. 

'Call whenever you need real Cuban food.'

Olivia smiled at the text before another one quickly followed.

'The ingredients are all in your kitchen'

Olivia called the next day


	13. Chapter 13

"Liv? Is everything okay?" Rafael asked when he answered the phone

"Umm yes. We were just going to the park and Noah said it would be fun if you came"

"Oh"

"It's okay if you can't. Noah just said it and I thought I should ask you before. I don't even think he remembers" Olivia said even though Noah was watching her expectantly from the couch. "If you have to get to work it's okay"

"No" Rafael said quickly. "I don't have work. It's the park near your apartment right?"

"Yes"

"I would meet the two of you there in about 15 minutes"

Olivia smiled. "See you then"

"So what did he say?" Noah was bouncing on the couch

"He said he would meet us there"

"Yes!" Noah jumped off the couch. "I'm gonna go get my new jacket" he raced towards his bedroom

Olivia looked down, it would take her at least 5 minutes to get her shoes on. "Noah! Come help me with my shoes!"

xxx

Rafael walked through the park looking for any sign of the Bensons. He took a sip of his coffee, out of habit, he almost bought one for Olivia, that mistake had been quickly avoided. He smiled when he spotted her on a bench licking an ice cream cone

"Ice cream in October?" Rafael teased as he sat next to her

Olivia turned to him and gave him a small smile. "Bean wanted it. And the people at the store were nice, they gave me an extra scoop" she continued licking

Rafael chuckled and took another sip from his cup

"Is that coffee?" She whipped her head towards him

"Yes" he said slowly. "Is it making you sick? I could dump it"

"No" Olivia licked her lips. "I haven't had a cup of coffee since I found out I was pregnant. Not even decaf. Nobody ever drank one so close to me since then."

Rafael pulled back slowly. Olivia was looking at his cup with a determined hunger in her eyes. "Do you want some?" He held the cup out toward her

"I can't. I'm not really supposed to"

"Aren't you allowed at least one cup a day" he moved his hand slightly and was sure Olivia's eyes were tracking the cup

"I shouldn't. I've been trying really hard to keep bean healthy. Coffee was the least I could cut out"

"So do you still want me to dump it?" Rafael was thinking to just guzzle down the rest.

Noah's scream of "uncle Rafa!" stopped her answer. He ran up to them. "Mommy, your ice cream's dripping on bean"

Olivia looked down at her hand. "Shoot" she licked her hand before Rafael handed her a handkerchief. "Thanks" she gave a sheepish smile as she wiped her shirt

"Uncle Rafa you gotta come on the slide over there"

Rafael looked at the narrow tunnel leading up to the slide. "I don't think I can fit through that _amigo_ "

Noah's face fell. "Oh"

"How about we swing. I bet I can fit on that"

"Okay" Noah beamed at him before running away

"Guess I'm going to be swinging" Rafael grinned at Olivia before drinking the last of his coffee

"Have fun" she called out

xxx

"I think somebody's ready for lunch" Rafael said as he and Noah came back to Olivia on the bench.

Olivia looked at the both of them. Their cheeks were flushed red and some of Noah's curls were stuck to his forehead. "Alright, then let's go"

Noah grabbed one of Olivia's hands in both of his to help her up. 

"You can't help me up sweet boy, but thank you" Olivia gave him a smile before starting to get off the bench.

Rafael automatically reached out a hand in her direction. Olivia smiled sheepishly before taking the help. 

"You still want Cuban food?" Rafael asked as they started to walk, Noah was skipping a few feet ahead of them

"Almost daily" Olivia felt her cheeks flush at her admission.

"You only called me twice"

"I didn't want to bother you"

"Making food for you guys is not bothering me. I'm happy to do it" he glanced at Olivia. "Anything speific that you want?"

Olivia chewed her bottom lip. "There's the fried plantain thing"

" _Tostones_? That's what you want?"

Olivia nodded, "please?"

Rafael grinned. "No problem. I might have to get some green plantains"

"Thank you" her hand ghosted her lower back

"Are you okay?" Rafael asked.

"Just glad that I live near the park"

Noah cried out as he hit the pavement.

"Noah!" Olivia rushed towards him. 

Rafael lifted him up. "You're alright _niño_ " he soothed. He looked Noah over quickly and spotted some blood on his forearms. "Your arms just got a little scrapped"

Olivia brushed back Noah's curls. "You're okay"

"It hurts mommy" Noah whined

Olivia wanted nothing but to scoop him into her arms but bean made that impossible. "I know. Let's just get home and then I can clean it up and put a bandaid on it"

Noah sniffled and nodded his head.

"Come on" she tilted her head, indicating for Noah to leave Rafael's arms

"It's okay Liv" Rafael tightened his arms around Noah. "I got him"

"O-okay. Well we're only a few feet from home anyway"

xxx

"Look uncle Rafa" Noah showed him the Avengers themed bandaid on his arm

"Avengers, very nice" 

"It doesn't hurt anymore. Mommy put special lotion on it"

"Special lotion huh?" He looked up at Olivia who was slowly making her way into the kitchen

Noah nodded vigorusly before running off to the living room

"It's neosporin" Olivia shrugged. "Nothing too special"

"Noah begs to differ" Rafael laughed. "Come on sit, I got something I want you to try" he helped her onto a bar stool before going to take ice cream out the freezer

"You want me to try ice cream?" Olivia was confused

"Just a second" Olivia watched him pour some syrup on it before grabbing a spoon, "this is what I want you to try"

Olivia shrugged before taking a spoonful of ice cream. A familiar taste made her eyes widen. "Is this coffee? Rafael, I told you I wasn't drinking coffee" she pushed away the bowl. "Why would you do that?" Her lower lip trembled

"Just a minute." He moved around the counter to sit next to her. "I figured you didn't want coffee because of the caffeine, because even decaf has a little, but this doesn't have any. When you were cleaning Noah's arms and changing your clothes, I did a quick search for coffee flavored syrups that had no caffeine. You said you haven't drank coffee since, I thought this would be helpful"

Olivia felt her eyes becoming wet.

"I'm sorry if I crossed a line" Rafael apologized. "I can dump it"

"No" Olivia whimpered and grabbed the bowl. "I can't be-believe you did this...for me"

Rafael lowered his eyebrows as she started to cry. He wasn't sure what to do. Noah got up at the sound of his mother sniffling. When he saw her eating ice cream he simply shrugged and went to back to playing on the floor

Rafael reached for his phone because who cries while eating ice cream "Hey umm Fin?"

"What's up Barba?"

"I don't know. Olivia's crying"

"Okay. What's the problem?"

"H-how do I help?"

"Describe the crying. Is it just tears? She yell at you bout something?"

"No, I gave her ice cream with coffee flavored syrup that has no caffeine. Then there was tears but she's still eating"

"She's fine man. Those are food tears. Once the ice cream's done the tears are done"

"Alright thanks"

"No problem counsellor" Fin said before hanging up

Rafael pushed his phone back in his pocket. 'Well I be damned' he thought. The ice cream was finished and if it wasn't for Olivia's slightly red eyes, you would have never known she was crying.

"So you like the syrup?" Rafael asked cautiously as he took the bowl

"Yeah. Thank you for getting it"

"It was the least I could do"

"I have an appointment tomorrow" Olivia said softly. "Do you want to come?"

"Yes, I'd love to. Wh-what time is it?"

"11"

"I'll be there" Rafael smiled

______

"I'm on time right?" Rafael asked as he sat next to Olivia

"Yeah. Just waiting for them to call my name"

Rafael rubbed a sweaty palm on his pants. "So what's the procedure here?"

Olivia took a deep breath. "I get weighed, they check my blood pressure and blood sugar, fingers crossed that they're still in the acceptale range. And then we see bean" she cradled her stomach with both hands before shifting on the chair. "But for now we are just waiting"

"Are you uncomfortable? How long have you been sitting here?" Rafael started standing up "I should go figure out what's keeping your doctor"

"Sit. Just sit down" she waited until he was again sitting on the chair. "Just check your emails or play a game on your phone"

Rafael slouched back on the chair. "I still think this is taking too long"

"You got here less than 2 minutes ago"

"I have been here for 2 minutes and 4 seconds" Rafael grumbled "5 minutes if you count the time it took for me to get from the entrance to here"

Olivia rolled her eyes. Between Rafael's complaining, the noise the AC was making, bean's insistent kicking and the nurse constantly typing on the keyboard, somebody was going to lose an arm.

She clenched her jaw as Rafael continued. "Do you usually wait this long?"

Olivia grabbed his hand and placed it where bean was moving.

Rafael stopped complaining and smiled softly. "Hey _bebé_ "

Olivia looked through her emails as Rafael continued talking softly. Two out of four irritants were dissolved

xxx

"Stop touching things Rafael" Olivia snapped. "I swear Noah was more well behaved than you"

"Sorry" Rafael put his hands back in his pockets.

Dr. Halloway entered the room. "Olivia" she greeted. "I see your friend is joining us"

"This is Rafael. He's umm actually bean's father"

Dr. Halloway nodded, she had figured as much when she saw how he had stayed up all night at Olivia's bedside. "Nice to offically meet you Rafael. Are we ready to get started?"

"Yes, please" Olivia smiled as she lifted her shirt

Dr. Halloway smiled back she squirted the gel on Olivia's stomach

Rafael bounced on his heels anxiously as he looked around the room. He barely understood the fuzzy, black and white image on the screen. There was a reason he went to law school and not medical school.

"Alright" Dr. Halloway clicked a few keys "Here's the heartbeat"

Rafael's eyes focused on the screen as a rapid thumping filled the room. His breath hitched and he struggled to swallow around the lump forming in his throat. "Th-that's the baby's heartbeat?"

"Yep. If you look over here you can see a hand"

Rafael couldn't see anything through the tears starting to gather in his eyes.

Olivia wiped her own eyes when she saw Rafael tear up. She remembered crying the first time she heard bean's heartbeat

Rafael blindly reached for Olivia's hand. He curled two fingers around hers and squeezed. Olivia looked up at him but he continued staring at the screen as Dr. Halloway pointed out other body parts

_xxx_

"Cab's here" Rafael said as he helped Olivia off the bench

"It's like clockwork" Olivia grumbled as she took out her phone

"What is?"

She sighed as she showed him her phone. There was an incoming call from Carisi. Rafael smiled as he opened the cab door

"Yes Carisi, I'm getting in the cab now" Olivia huffed as she got into the backseat. "No, I will not send you a picture as proof" Rafael slid in next to her

"Where to?" The driver looked back at the both of them. 

Rafael gave Olivia's address when it became apparent she wouldn't.

"It's Rafa" he heard her say. "No he came to the appointment with me." He smiled when Olivia rolled her eyes. "Why do you insist on having me on speaker?... Yes bean is fine Amanda, perfectly healthy... No, I'm hanging up now. Goodbye"

"Everything okay?" He asked with an amused smirk

"Yeah, just had to update those two"

"I gathered that" he looked down at the sonogram picture in his hands. He had felt the kicks that let him know there was a baby, but this...this made it all the more real. "Think bean kinda looks like me"

"Does he now? Noah still thinks bean kinda looks like an alien"

Rafael barked out a laugh. "I can see that if you squint one eye and turn your head to the left"

"So I guess that settles that, we have an alien baby that looks like you"

xxx

"Wanna come up?" Olivia asked looking expectantly at Rafael when they were standing outside of her apartment building

"I would love to. I also have to make sure that you get into bed"

"I can take care of myself" Olivia argued as they entered the building

"I know you can. I'm just helping" he placed a hand on the small of her back

"That coffee syrup is almost finish" she mumbled

"How much ice cream did you have?"

Olivia shrugged. "Some. Then I just poured some into milk, it was almost an iced coffee"

Rafael laughed "I can get you some more don't worry"


	14. Chapter 14

Olivia reached down to hold Noah's hand, he looked up at her with confused eyes. "Remember sometimes my work can be a little crazy"

Noah grumbled but still let his mother hold his hand. "Am I going to get to play with uncle Sonny?"

"I don't know. Maybe, if he's free." She looked up - they had reached the floor. "Remember what you have to say if anyone asks?"

Noah nodded, "We were in the neighbourhood"

"Why are you here?" Fin asked when they stepped off the elevator

"We were in the neighbourhood" Olivia said with a smile. "Thought I would just stop by"

Amanda shook her head she leaned down to Noah's level. "Were you guys really in the neighbourhood"

Noah looked at his mother and gave a small nod. "Mommy said to tell you yes if you asked"

"Didn't you have a file for me to sign off?" Olivia asked trying to distract Amanda.

"I will drop it off for you, at your apartment, another day. Go home Liv."

"I can't. It's so boring at home." Olivia whined. She didn't care that she sounded an awful like her son when he didn't get his way.

"You have been home for a little less than a month."

"And I have exhausted every ounce of fun. While I'm here can't I just relax in my office."

"Go home Olivia," Fin ordered

"It would just be for a few minutes. You won't even know we're here."

"Olivia"

"I can lower the blinds and close the door," Olivia argued, "you would never know."

"I'm calling Barba," Carisi mumbled

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Fine, fine. We're leaving. I hate all of you."

"Love you too Liv," Amanda called out

xxx

Rafael raised an eyebrow when he saw the two Bensons coming out of the elevator. 

"Uncle Rafa" Noah said, running to hug him

"Carisi called me an hour ago to say that you showed up at the station. Where have you two been?"

"We stopped for donuts," Noah grinned

Rafael looked over at Olivia

"They uhh needed my help with something" Olivia opened her door. "And bean wanted something sweet," she said over her shoulder as she walked into the apartment

"Something that you couldn't help with over the phone?" He followed her and Noah into the apartment. "Aren't you supposed to be on maternity leave, taking it easy?"

Olivia shrugged off her coat. "The fresh air was nice"

"It's almost Halloween, it's windy and cold. And also the streets of Manhattan smell like warm garbage and piss, that is never nice"

"I wanted to stretch my legs" Olivia tried

"Please tell me you did not walk most of the way"

"Cab" Olivia yawned

Rafael eyed her

"I'm not tired" she said quickly.

"Uh huh. You can go change into something more comfortable" he said. "Me and _mi amigo_ might get a snack while we wait."

"Don't touch my oreos" Olivia called out as she walked away

"Wanna build a tower with me?" Noah asked, looking up at Rafael

xxx

"I'm going to go check on your _mami_ , okay?" Rafael said when he realised at least ten minutes had passed and Olivia had yet to reappear

Noah nodded as he continued to stack more Legos.

Rafael groaned slightly as he got off the floor and made his way to Olivia's bedroom.

He saw Olivia stretching and squiriming, trying to get comfortable on her bed. "I think I'm going to take a nap," she muttered

Rafael nodded, "How exactly do you sleep with that thing?" He asked with a raised eyebrow, looking at the pillow

"Just kinda get in the middle of it. I could just wrap it around my body," she nuzzled herself into the U-shaped pillow.

Rafael furrowed his brows. He still didn't understand how it was comfortable, but she seemed comfortable so that's all that mattered. The covers were bunched up at her feet. "Do you want to be covered?"

"I'm not cold enough. I don't even know why I'm tired" Olivia mumbled as she closed her eyes

"Could be because you're almost nine months pregnant and decided to go to work"

"I took a cab" she yawned

"I'm not even arguing with you. Get some rest" he dropped a kiss to Olivia's forehead and rubbed her bump. She was asleep before he even got off the bed

xxx

"Your _mami_ is taking a nap." Rafael sat down on the floor next to Noah. "Is the tower finshed?"

"Almost" Noah grabbed a few more Legos

Rafael noticed Noah was a bit more quiet, "everything okay _amigo_?"

"Uncle Rafa if bean's a boy, would mommy still love me?" Noah asked quietly

"Of course she would. Why would you think that?"

Noah shrugged. "Would you still love me?"

"Noah, we're never going to stop loving you. We could never stop loving you. You're special to us _niño_. Why would you think that?"

"Because you guys are getting your own baby. A real baby. And if it's a boy then it would just be better than me"

"Come here Noah" Rafael said, opening his arms and Noah crawled in. "No one is ever going to replace you. You were the first person to make your _mami_ a _mami_ , that's pretty special. You were also the first baby that I held that did not start crying, that's pretty special. So whather the baby is a girl, boy or dinosaur, it can never take your place"

"Uncle Rafa you're so silly" Noah laughed. "The baby can't be a dinosaur"

"Are you sure? Have you ever seen your mommy around food lately? It's almost like she's feeding a dinosaur" he made a chomping, growling noise next to Noah's ears

"Uncle Rafa" Noah squealed as he tried to wiggle away from Rafael

"How about we make some _arroz con pollo_ for your mommy?" Olivia's Cuban food craving was still very much present and Rafael had been more than willing to supply.

"Can I help?"

"Of course. You're my sous chef"

xxx

"Something smells good" Olivia mumbled as she came into the kitchen

"It's arrow...arro" Noah looked towards Rafael for help.

" _Arroz con pollo_ ," he finished

"My favorite" Olivia said as she opened the fridge.

Rafael watched as she pulled out a rotisserie chicken. When the hell did she get that? "Lunch is almost ready" he said

"I know. I wanted a snack"

Rafael roared silently to Noah and the two of them laughed

"What are you two laughing?"

"Nothing," they snickered

"Nothing seems to be pretty funny" Olivia said as she ate. She glanced over at them, Rafael was doing a better job at hiding his laughter than Noah. "What is so funny?"

"Nothing, nothing. Go sit on the couch, I'll bring your lunch"

xxx

"I still can't believe that you can cook Rafa."

" _Mi madre_ would have killed me if I wasn't in the least bit self-sufficient," Rafael shrugged as he continued washing the plates from their 'dinner'. Pancakes at 10 in the night – Olivia's idea.

"Yet your diet mostly consist of takeout and coffee," Olivia smirked.

"It's no fun cooking for one."

"I know the feeling," when Olivia lived alone, she hated cooking.

Rafael dried his hands on the kitchen towel when he was finished. " It's getting late, I should get going"

"You can stay. If you want," Olivia offered

Rafael was sure his eyebrows were in his hairline. "You want me to stay the night?"

"Yes"

He smiled. "Well, since you begged."

Olivia laughed. "Can you help me up?" She asked from the chair she was sitting on.

Rafael walked over and offered Olivia his hands. The more bean grew the more help she needed. Getting off chairs without assistance was a thing of the past, so was bending down. But he never complained.

"I'll just get some sheets and make up the couch." Rafael said as he ushered Olivia toward her bedroom.

Olivia stopped outside of her room and held on to Rafael's hand. "C-can you stay here for tonight?"

His eyes bugged as he glanced in her room. "In bed? With you?"

Olivia bit her lip. After leaving the hospital she found herself practically craving his presence, and she was running out of excuses to extend his almost daily visits. "You don't have to say yes. I just...sometimes the pillow doesn't work and I read online...and it would be nice to not have to call you for something tomorrow. Don't feel like you have to say yes. I shouldn't have said that. I made this awkward. You could go"

Rafael watched Olivia in amusement. In all the years he knew her, he had never seen Olivia nervously ramble. "Liv, stop. Do you want me to stay?"

"I don't want to force you. You could go. I have the pillow...and"

"Olivia, I would stay if you want me to"

Olivia nodded slowly. "I do want you to stay"

"Well then that settles it. Go get ready for bed, I'll turn off the lights and lock up"

Olivia gave a small smile before disappearing into her room. Rafael glanced down at his outfit as he checked that the door was locked – good thing he decided to wear sweats today.

Olivia gave a shy smile when Rafael came back into the room.

"You don't mind if I sleep in this, right?"

"No, it's fine."

Rafael climbed into the bed next to Olivia.

"That lullaby you sang at the hospital, could you umm... Bean is really moving."

"I'll sing it Liv"

He saw her eyes flutter close when he was two lines in. He placed a hand on her stomach and there was absolutely no movement. 

Rafael shook his head with a smile. He wondered how much of this song was for her or bean


	15. Chapter 15

"Lunch requests?" Rafael asked as he leaned against the kitchen counter. It was going on his second day staying at the Benson apartment. He had left yesterday morning to take a shower and change, and was told to bring cannolis on his way back – so he did. Along with more clothes.

"There's leftovers in the fridge." Olivia answered from the couch. "No need to cook something new."

"Leftovers it is."

"What's with all dinosaurs Noah?" Olivia asked with an amused smiled. Noah was currently trying to stack as many dinosaurs as possible on her stomach.

"Seeing which one of these bean could be."

"What?" Olivia laughed.

"Uncle Rafa said bean could be a dinosaur."

Rafael started taking food out the fridge to heat up.

"Why would he say that?"

"Cause he said that you eat enough to feed a dinosaur." Noah said innocently as he continued looking through his dinosaurs.

Rafael laughed until he felt the pillow hit the back of his head. He bounced against the fridge with the force of the hit. 

"Ow Liv" he turned to face her, rubbing his head. "What was that for?"

She hurled another pillow in his direction and it hit him in the face.

"Liv, stop."

He ran when she picked up one of Noah's police cars. He heard it hit the ground next to him before he rushed into the bathroom and closed the door.

Rafael quickly dialed Fin's number. "What to do when Olivia's mad?" He rushed out.

"What?"

"Olivia's mad. How do I fix it?"

"Just a second. Lemme go somewhere private" Fin put his phone on speaker and called over Amanda and Carisi. "What's the problem Barba?"

"Olivia's mad. How many times do I have say that?"

"What did you do?"

"Noah was feeling upset about a week ago and I may have joked that bean was a dinosaur because of how much Olivia eats."

"Sounds like you called her fat," Amanda said.

"I did not," he paused, "I thought you were moving to someplace more private Fin."

"Private where we could hear without distractions" Carisi said.

"Exactly how many people are listening to this conversation?"

"Enough to help you. How mad is she?"

"She's mad," Rafael stressed. "I've been saying that since I started this call."

"Pregnant Liv's anger has layers Barba," Amanda pointed out. "So, the help you would need depends on how mad she is."

"There's layer 1- an eyeroll, maybe a shove" Carisi started. "Layer 2- you get a glare that can kill you. Layer 3- she wants to bite your head off. She got Maynard real good when he told her to turn up the heat."

"Enough Carisi" Fin snapped. "Exactly what did she do counsellor?"

"She threw two pillows at me, which I did not know were so aerodynamic, then she threw one of Noah's cars."

"How close did she get to hitting you?"

"The pillows hit me in the head and the car missed me because I ran."

"Ooh" they all winced.

"How do I fix this?"

"Besides getting down on your knees and begging? There's a place about three blocks down, I'll send you the name," Carisi started. "You can order online. My guess is get about a dozen and a half."

"Dozen and a half what?"

"Jelly filled donuts" they said together. "With powdered sugar."

"If you get glazed, we will speak very highly of you at your funeral" Carisi said.

Rafael sighed.

"And you better tell her that she looks beautiful" Amanda said.

"Good luck Barba" Fin called out before hanging up.

Rafael sighed as he searched for the bakery Carisi had sent him. There was a ten minute wait time for delivery. He couldn't stay in this bathroom forever, eventually Olivia or Noah would need to use it.

"Uncle Rafa" Noah whispered as he knocked softly.

"I'll be out in a minute _niño_."

"Mommy's crying."

Rafael opened the bathroom door. "Where is she?"

"She started crying and then she went in there," Noah pointed to Olivia's bedroom. "I could still hear her but now I can't."

"Go watch some tv okay?"

"You're gonna make mommy happy again?"

"I'll try" he waited until Noah went back to the living room before going to Olivia's door.

"Olivia" Rafael knocked on the closed bedroom door.

"Go away Barba" came her choked reply.

He didn't know what was worse, the fact that she was still crying or that she was using his surname and not Rafa.

He knocked again. "Liv, can I come in?"

"Leave me alone."

"I'm coming in."

"I don't want to see you."

Rafael opened the door anyway. He saw Olivia in front the mirror, trying to pull down her shirt as soon as he stepped into the room. "What are you doing?" He asked softly.

"Nothing" Olivia reached for the box of tissues on her bedside table. "What do you want?" She asked as she wipped her eyes.

Rafael stepped closer to her. "Liv, can we talk?"

"Talk about what? How you find me fat?" She replied tearfully as she dried the new tears that were running down her cheeks.

"Olivia" he breathed. "That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean Rafael?" She crossed her arms. "You told Noah that I'm eating enough to feed a dinosaur. A dinosaur!"

Rafael winced. This was not going in his favor.

"What else could you mean?"

"I was just trying to make Noah laugh. He was feeling a little down and I wanted him to feel better."

"By making a joke about me?"

"It wasn't like that" Rafael felt like his words were pointless at this time. Where were those damn donuts?

"I already know that I'm fat. I didn't need you and Noah making jokes about it behind my back" she crumpled the tissues in her hand. "I didn't need that Rafael."

Rafael reached out a hand to grab Olivia as she tried to walk by him. 

"Just leave me alone. I have to go feed the dinosaur," Olivia rolled her eyes as she tried to push off Rafael's hand.

Rafael tightened his hold. "Olivia. Olivia. Please look at me."

"What?" She whispered as she turned to face him.

His heart clenched at her broken look. "Livia, I swear I didn't intend for it to sound like I was calling you fat. It was just to make Noah laugh. You could never be fat, you're pregnant."

"Don't patronize me Rafael, not right now."

"Liv, _amor_ , please. You are not fat."

"Rafa please. I can't fit in any of my clothes that aren't 50% spandex. I have cellulite and stretch marks in places I never had before."

"That's because you're growing a child. Our child. You are growing life that we created together. That doesn't make you fat, it makes you beautiful and strong" he stepped fully infront of her.

"To who?" She mumbled.

"To me."

Olivia scoffed. "As if. You just have to say that" she squirmed out of his grasp.

"Liv-" Rafael grabbed her face and kissed her, it was the first thing he thought of. He pulled back after a few seconds. "I do find you beautiful. You were beautiful the first day I saw you, and you're even more beautiful now."

"Rafa." Olivia dropped the tissues in her hand before pulling Rafael closer to kiss him again. Her hormones had been in overdrive for weeks and this was the first nonplatonic touch she had gotten.

'We should stop," Rafael thought when he felt Olivia's tongue tentatively swipe across his lower lip, but instead he pulled her closer.

'We should stop' he thought when he felt Olivia's fingers tighten in his hair. 

'We should stop' he thought as he slipped his hand into the space between her shirt and leggings

Rafael wasn't sure who let out the barely audible moan, but he knew his hands were the ones slowly moving up her back.

'I should stop.' Olivia was slowly stepping back to the bed and he was following her lead. When the back of her knees hit the bed they broke apart. "Liv" he breathed

"Just...please" she pleaded as she tugged at his shirt

"Okay." He helped her lie back on the bed.

Rafael kneeled over her, keeping his body curved to avoid squeezing bean. He was in the process of pushing up her shirt when Noah started pounding on the door.

"Someone's buzzing the door!"

Olivia threw back her head in a silent groan.

Rafael moved his leg. "I- I'll go see who it is."

"Alright."

Noah was still standing outside the door. "They said delivery. Is it lunch?"

Rafael's eyes widened. _Lunch_! "It's not lunch, but I'll get started on that as soon as I see who's at the door." He said as he walked towards the door.

"Okay." Noah trailed behind him to see who was at the door.

Rafael opened the door to see a bored teenager, holding two boxes. "I have an order for Rafael"

He winced at the butchering of his name while taking out his wallet. He had completely forgot about the donuts. "Is that donuts?" Noah asked as he peered around Rafael.

"Donuts?" Olivia asked. She had only caught the end of Noah's question.

Rafael thrusted $40 at the teenager. "Keep the change," he muttered, taking the boxes.

"But I didn't even tell you how much it costs." His protests fell on deaf ears because Rafael was closing the door.

"Dessert before lunch?" Rafael offered, handing a box to Olivia. "They have powdered sugar," he said when Olivia opened the box.

Olivia's eyes lit up. "Jelly-filled?"

"Is there any other way?"

xxx

Rafael sighed as he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. How was he going to sleep here, next to Olivia, next to the woman he madeout with this afternoon? Noah had unintentionaly been a buffer for them for the rest if the afternoon, but now, he was fast asleep. And Rafael needed to sleep.

Olivia was a closeted cuddler. And she was warm. They would eventually gravitate towards each other at some point in time.

Rafael ran a hand down his face. He would tell Olivia he was sleeping in his hotel room tonight. Just for tonight, until they could talked through what happened this afternoon.

He turned off the bathroom light. He just had to talk to Olivia.

"Hey Liv" he pushed open the door.

"I'm awake,'" Olivia mumbled sleepily as she shifted her pillow higher.

"Yes, that's very believable. I was thinking about this afternoon."

"Mhm," she hummed. "Come to bed."

"That's the thing I wanted to talk about" He could see Olivia was fading fast. And in all honesty, so was he.

Olivia stretched a bit. "Can we do this tomorrow?" She yawned. "Bean is..." Her eyes fluttered closed. "Tired Rafa."

"Liv?" Rafael moved closer to her. "Livia?" Was she seriously asleep? "Olivia?" She wasn't snoring yet, but her breathing pattern indicated that she was asleep. Rafael groaned softly. They would talk tomorrow, he would just crash on the couch tonight.


	16. Chapter 16

Rafael woke up the next morning to noises. He cracked open one eye. "What are you doing?"

Olivia stopped moving the box of diapers. "I'm uh making space for some stuff for bean."

"Stop straining yourself" Rafael sat up.

"I'm not straining myself" Olivia rolled her eyes. "It's a box of diapers."

"Please Livia. For me."

Olivia huffed and sat on the bed. "C'mon bean" she mumbled, rubbing the spot where bean was kicking. "You stopped moving a few hours ago."

"They're telling you to take it easy," he scooted closer to her and placed a hand on her stomach. "Did you eat yet?"

"I was busy trying to make space for everything," Olivia said with a sigh.

"What time did you get up?"

"I think it was around 3. I had to use the bathroom and bean wouldn't let me go back to sleep." Olivia covered her mouth as she yawned, "then I had to wake Noah up and get him ready for school. I had Fin take him," she said quickly before Rafael's thoughts spiraled. "You came to bed pretty late last night," Olivia yawned again.

Rafael had given up trying to sleep on the couch after two hours. It was uncomfortable and not as warm as Olivia's bedroom.

Rafael gently moved her to a laying position before getting up. "What are we making space for?"

"Amanda's supposed to drop off Jesse's old changing table and I ordered a bassinet for bean a couple weeks ago. I have no clue where all of that is going to go."

"Nothing to stress about," Rafael moved the box of diapers to a corner of the room, "if we move the bed slightly to the left, the bassinet could probably fit here. We might have to put the changing table in the hall for now."

"So let's do that," Olivia was about to get up when Rafael held her back down. "Rest, Liv. You've been awake for..." He checked the time, "almost 6 hours. You need to rest." 

"I had the guy bring it inside." Olivia murmured as she closed her eyes. "It's by the coat rack."

"Alright." Rafael brought her pillow closer to her back. "Just get some rest." He bent down until he was level with her stomach, "not too rough okay. _Mami_ needs to rest."

xxx

"Good morning," Rafael said cheerily when Olivia stumbled into the kitchen.

"It's almost three in the afternoon."

"You needed the rest. I got the bassinet together."

"I saw. Thank you for doing that."

"Thank.you for picking an easy to assemble, one."

Olivia laughed, "I know the capabilities of those around me." She rubbed her side as she walked toward the fridge.

"Are you okay?"

Olivia grimaced slightly as she moved. "My hips hurt."

Rafael dropped the knife. "Hurt? Like contraction hurt?"

"No. Like bean is trying to stretch lengthwise in my hips."

"Go sit"

"I don't need anymore rest Rafa. I just got up."

"I'm not telling you to sleep, maybe a change in position might stop the pain," he suggested.

Olivia threw up her hands, "fine." She grumbled all the way to the couch before settling down in one corner. Rafael came to join her a few minutes later.

"Wanna watch some tv?" He offered.

"I guess. We have nothing else to do." Olivia started reaching for the remote but Rafael beat her to it.

"I just want you to relax," he said when she glared at him. "Here," he handed her the remote, "you can find something to watch."

Olivia flipped through the channels before settling on reruns of Friends. A few episodes later and Rafael got up to get her somthing to eat.

Rafael patted his lap after an hour had passed. "Give me your feet."

"I can't ask you to do that Rafa."

"You're carrying my child, I can rub your feet for a few seconds," he patted his lap again. "Come on. It might help relax you."

Olivia turned on the couch and slowly lifted her feet. Rafael moved them properly onto his lap and Olivia arched slightly against the couch arm.

"Are you sure that you're okay?" Rafael started rubbing her feet.

"Yeah" Olivia breathed. "Now that I've been sitting for a while, everything just feels sore."

"Are you sure?"

"Thousand percent," she let out a soft moan when Rafael hit a particulary sore spot. 

"I take it that means it's good."

"You're amazing. Go a little low – oohhh" Olivia's eyes rolled back. "I should have had you rubbing my feet the moment they started being sore daily."

Rafael looked at Olivia. Her eyes were closed and her mouth slightly open. "How long ago did they start hurting?" He kneaded his thumb up the middle of her feet.

"Sometime after I – ah, started showing. So about," Olivia gasped. "Like – oh. Around 24 weeks" her head lulled back.

"You've been walking around with sore feet for almost three months" his fingers deftly moved around her toes.

Olivia made a noise between a gasp and a moan. "Once I sat for a bit... they stopped."

Rafael hummed, while one hand stayed on her feet the other slowly massaged up her calf. "Still in pain?"

"Oh God no." Olivia squirmed slightly, both of Rafael's hands were massaging her calf. "Rafa," she breathed.

"Livia," he whispered. His hands started moving further up her legs as he moved closer to her.

They both pulled back when they heard the door open.

"Noah, don't run," they heard Lucy chastise.

Olivia moved her feet from Rafael's lap and he helped her place them on the coffee table.

"Hi mommy! Hi uncle Rafa!" Noah called out before running to his room.

Olivia turned as her son zoom past them on the couch. 

"Hey Olivia, Mr. Barba" Lucy greeted. "Noah has no homework today. He's pretty excited for this evening, so, I'll leave you guys to it." She hung up Noah's coat, "I'm gonna show myself out so you guys can get back to what you were doing."

Olivia looked at Rafael as Lucy left. "Should we get back to what we were doing?"

"Umm..."

"I'm ready" Noah shouted running out and Rafael was grateful for the distraction.

Olivia's face fell as she watched Noah in his Captain America costume, orange pumpkin bucket in hand. It was Halloween.

"You're not ready?" He pouted.

"I'm sorry Noah, I forgot."

"Well come on. We can still make it."

"I don't think we can, sweet boy. Bean is just -"

"The stupid baby ruined everything!" Noah shouted throwing down his bucket.

"Noah" Olivia gasped.

"You said nobody could take my place!" He shouted at Rafael before running down the hall.

"I promised to take him trick or treating" Olivia whispered. "I forgot the date"

"What are you doing?" Rafael asked, seeing Olivia move her feet off the coffee table.

"I have to take Noah trick or treating."

"Liv, I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but, you can't seriously be considering that? I don't think you should be on your feet that long, much less walk around the neighbourhood. You were just complaining that your hips hurt."

"Rafa I can't just not take him. He was looking forward to this. It's still early. We'll be back before it gets really dark."

"Let me talk to him." Rafael said, getting off the couch. "We can fix this."

Rafael knocked on Noah's door before pushing it open. "Noah, _niño_?"

"Go away," Noah was curled up on his bed.

"Your _mami_ really wants to take you trick or treating."

"But she can't because of bean. Again" Noah glared at Rafael.

"What do you mean again?"

"Mommy can't play with me because bean makes her tired. We can't have hotdogs because of bean. I can only go the park with uncle Sonny. Mommy never finishes my bedtime stories anymore. Everybody always buys gifts for bean and mommy. Nobody gets me anything. Then I have to sleepover by aunty Amanda whenever mommy needs rest and a break."

Rafael watched as tears started running down Noah's face. 

"But mommy promised. She promised we could go trick or treating tonight. And now we can't. Because of stupid bean" Noah huffed and rolled over.

" _Niño_ , me and you can still go."

"I don't want to go anymore."

Rafael got up and left the door slightly cracked as he walked back to the living room. He heard Olivia on the phone.

"You sure it's not a problem Amanda? I just feel really bad calling you last minute."

"Give me the phone Liv."

"I'm asking Amanda for help."

He grabbed the phone. "Hey Rollins we won't be needing you. Bye." He hung up the phone and handed it back to Olivia.

"Why would you do that?"

"Noah thinks you send him to Amanda when you need rest. You can't ask her to take him now."

"How bad is this Rafa?" Olivia asked.

"It's not good" he said gently as he sat down next to her.

"What did he say?" Olivia asked.

"That won't do you any good."

"I want to know what my son said Rafael," Olivia said firmly.

Rafael sighed. "He feels left out and forgotten. He probably was hoping that you two would go trick or treating tonight but now you can't."

"Because of bean" Olivia finished and a few tears gathered in her eyes.

"No Liv, please don't cry."

"I can't take care of my son. How did I plan to do this on my own? He probably hates me."

"He doesn't hate you. He's just a little upset." Rafael picked up the box of tissues. 

"How do I fix this Rafa? I can't erase everything that happened."

Rafael thought for a few minutes. "I think I have an idea."

"Like what?"

"Lemme see if I can make it work first." He got off the couch and walked back towards Noah's bedroom. "Noah? Do you want to talk?"

"I want my mommy back"

"I know Noah. How about this? How about I take you trick or treating, then we can come home and show your _mami_ all the candy we got. That way you still get to spend the time. And then next week Saturday you and I would have a whole day together. It would just be about you from the moment you wake up untill you fall asleep. We do any and everything that you want."

"Like go to the zoo?"

"We can go to the moon for ice cream, if that's what you want"

Noah giggled. "Jesse can come too?"

"Eddie can even come. Anybody you want _amigo_ "

"M'kay"

"Good. Now let's get your shoes on and then we hit the streets to get all the good candy before its gone"

"Okay uncle Rafa," Noah ran out the room

"What's happening?" Olivia asked as she tried to dry her eyes when Rafael came out to the living room.

"We're going trick or treating"

"How?"

"I'll tell you later," Rafael smiled.

"I'm ready." Noah called out.

"Tell your _mami_ bye."

Noah threw his arms around Olivia's neck. "Bye mommy."

"Have fun sweet boy"

"Call if you need anything." Rafael said as he grabbed his coat.

xxx

"We're back!" Noah shouted as he ran into the apartment ahead of Rafael.

Olivia opened her arms and Noah jumped onto the couch and hugged her gently. "Did you have fun?"

"We got lots of candy. Uncle Rafa carried it for me."

"Yes" Rafael huffed as he hung up his coat. "Because somebody said their arms were too tired," he gave Noah a mock glare.

Noah giggled and pressed into Olivia's side. "They were tired mommy."

"It is a lot of candy," Olivia said seriously.

"Wanna see?" Noah got up and took the bucket from Rafael's hands. 

"So now your arms aren't tired?"

"No." Noah took the the bucket and dumped all the candy on the coffee table. "I gotta separate it."

"Alright _amigo_ " Rafael sat on the couch next to Olivia.

"Did you have fun?"

"Children knocking on stranger's doors, asking for candy. I'm suprised the NYPD hasn't shut it down years ago."

Olivia laughed. "Idiot"

"It is a strange thing. Next week we're going out by the way."

"We are?"

"Not us. Me and Noah."

Olivia's eyes widened. "Oh. Well have fun I guess."

"I promised I would spend some time with him."

"I finished separating" Noah said, ending their conversation. "This is yours," he gave Rafael 3 mini snickers.

"3 pieces?" Rafael looked at the chocolate in his hand then back at Noah. "Then who is that for?" He pointed to the small pile on the table.

"Mommy" Noah said matter-of-factly

"Why does she get so much?"

"Because she's mommy. But she can't get as much as me cause she has bean. And babies can't get alot of candy." Noah explained as he opened a pack of skittles

"Thank you Noah, that was so thoughtful" Olivia said.

"I have three snickers" Rafael complained.

Noah placed three, slightly sticky, skittles in Rafael's other hand. "There you go uncle Rafa."

"Thank you Noah"

Noah grinned as he put his back in the bucket. "Can we watch a movie?"

"Go put your candy in the kitchen and uncle Rafa would pick a movie"

Noah dragged his bucket to the kitchen. "I lugged the bucket all over and all I get is this?" Rafael complained as he picked up the remote to look for a movie.

Olivia took one of the snickers from his hand. "It's the thought that counts." She gave him a tissue to get rid of the sticky skittles

Rafael rolled his eyes as he chose a movie.

"I don't think a horror movie is the best way to end the night" Olivia pointed out.

"The Nightmare Before Christmas is barely scary" Rafael pointed out as Noah clambered on his lap.

"If he wakes up tonight, it's all on you." Olivia said as she got herself a bit more comfortable on the couch.

They were 20 minutes into the movie when Rafael felt Olivia's head and soft breathing on his shoulder. He was about to whisper to Noah when he felt the boy's weight get heavy in his lap.

Rafael laughed softly, he nestled back onto the couch, careful not to jostle the sleeping Bensons. He would move in a few minutes, as soon as Jack told the town they would take over Christmas this year.


	17. Chapter 17

"Remind me to thank Barba for giving me a night off" Amanda said as she relaxed on the couch

"I know," Olivia relaxed more on the couch, "this was so needed"

"Speaking of, what's going on with you and Barba?" Amanda asked as she turned on the couch to face Olivia

"Me and Barba?"

"I'm sorry. You and _Rafa_ "

Olivia laughed. "There's nothing going on"

"Well I won't call it nothing, when I came here to drop off this files a few days ago, he looked very domesticated. It looked kinda like something"

"Domesticated? He's not an animal"

"All I'm saying, I came and you were sleeping. Barba was making pancakes in your kitchen. Without any product in his hair, in a tshirt and sweats. Sweats Liv." She stressed. "I didn't even know he owned something other than suits"

Olivia blushed slightly. "He's just been staying here for the past couple days."

Amanda raised an eyebrow. "Staying where exactly? Because this couch does not looked slept on. And I know he's not sharing a bed with Noah."

"He's been sleeping with me" Olivia mumbled.

"He what?!" Amanda shouted and Olivia jumped slightly. "You are to tell me things like this."

"It wasn't anything big to say"

"I'm sorry. He left Whoville, Wisconsin to come here for you with no explanation and now he's basically living here and you think that's nothing?"

"He was in **Iowa** and he gave an explanation."

Amanda looked at Olivia expectantly. "And the explanation was?"

"That he needed the color back in his life."

"What the hell does that mean?"

Olivia sighed as she explained what Rafael had said the day at the courthouse and the hospital.

"So he loves you" Amanda said taking a sip of her juice.

"He never said that."

"You have been on the force for over 20 years and you're telling me you couldn't figure out that, in a weird Barba fashion, he's saying that he loves you."

"I-" Olivia looked down.

"You didn't know? Or you didn't want to think of it like that?"

Olivia shrugged. "It could have just be one sided. I never built my hopes up about what he could feel for me."

"One sided? You think Barba doesn't love you? The same man who up and left his job just to be with you and your son. He came back to New York, with no place to live or a job. The same man who is here making pancakes for your son. The same man who stayed awake at your bedside all night. The same man who is currently taking your son all around Manhattan so that way he feels included. You think that Rafael Barba doesn't love you?"

"It sounds silly now that you say it aloud." Olivia said with a small smile.

"He even calls you Livia. None of us call you that."

"And that shows he loves me?"

"Yep, nicknames only you give each other, like _Rafa_." Amanda picked up a cookie, "So how's the sex?"

Olivia splutered and coughed. "Amanda"

"What? We're both adults. And he has been staying in the same bed with you"

Olivia blushed and looked down.

"Have you two ever... y'know, since?" Amanda gestured towards Olivia's stomach.

"No one is thinking about that now."

"Not at all? So you've been sleeping together all this time and never had the urge."

Olivia shrugged. "I mean there were a couple of times, but Amanda, I'm huge right now."

"Where there's a will, there's a way."

Olivia blushed, "I regret inviting you over."

"Never." Amanda leaned forward to Olivia's stomach. "Now bean, we had a plan you were supposed to come yesterday. But I will forgive you if you come tomorrow cause the 7th is closer to the 5th than the 10th."

"Who bet for the 10th?" Olivia asked. She knew they had to have some bet going on.

"Dodds. He also thinks it's a girl"

"Will Dodds is betting on my baby?" Olivia couldn't wrap her head around it.

"Yep"

"I expected you guys, but Dodds is a suprise."

"What can I say," Amanda shrugged. "We're all just excited."

xxx

"What's going on with you and Rollins?" Rafael asked as he poked the pizza. The entire thing looked inedible, but Noah wanted to be in this arcade, so here they were.

"Nothing. Why would you think that?" Carisi asked defensively.

"Looks like something"

"Kettle telling pot"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You and Liv. Manda told me she saw you looking all cosy at Liv's place. You got a kid coming, which means you guys slept together at least once. You guys always looked a little too close for just friends."

Rafael open his mouth to respond, but quickly closed it. "Yeah, well Rollins' kid thinks of you as a dad." He pointed out like they were children comparing who had the better toy.

Carisi leaned forward. "And Noah thinks what exactly?"

Rafael growled when he realized he had backed himself into a corner. 

"You're going soft counsellor." Carisi teased.

"Shut up."

"I'm happy for you two. Bean's a lucky baby."

"Yeah" Rafael looked down at his soda. God he wished he had something stronger. "They have an amazing mom and brother waiting for them."

Carisi smiled. He couldn't wait to tell Amanda what Rafael said.

"Uncle Sonny!" Jesse called out as she and Noah ran back to them.

"We got candy" Noah said 

"Candy?"

"From our tickets." Jesse explained.

"You guys are going to rot your teeth," Carisi said.

"Time to head on home and get those teeth brushed." Rafael said standing up. Carisi lifted Jesse up and Rafael took Noah's hand.

A woman beamed at them as they passed by. "You two are so cute together. Your children are lucky to have you."

Rafael gave a tight lip smile before quickly walking away.

"What did that lady mean?" Noah asked.

"That lady thought me and your uncle Rafa are boyfriends" Carisi said glancing at Rafael.

xxx

"Well this evening was quiet while it lasted." Amanda said as she heard the door open, followed by a happy scream of "mommy!" as Jesse ran into the living room with Noah close behind her.

"A lady thought uncle Sonny was uncle Rafa's boyfriend" Noah giggled, crashing softly into Olivia's side.

"What?" Amanda laughed as she got off the couch.

"Some lady said we looked so cute together and our kids were lucky to have us," Carisi huffed with an eyeroll.

"Why are you upset?" Rafael asked, hanging up his coat. "You would be lucky to have me."

"I know somebody's lucky" Amanda whispered.

Olivia glared at her and Rafael gave her a questioning look.

"Well muffin," Amanda scooped up Jesse, "let's head home."

"With uncle Sonny too?" Jesse asked.

Rafael smirked at Carisi.

"We'll leave you guys to it. Have a good night" Amanda called out over her shoulder while leaving. Rafael locked the door before turning back to Olivia and Noah still cuddled on the couch.

"When bean comes, can we go out and spend the day too?" Noah mumbled sleepily.

"Of course." Olivia noted her son's tiredness. "Let's get your teeth brushed and get ready for bed."

"Okay" he reached up to hug her around her neck. "G'night mommy. Night bean."

Rafael picked up Noah. "Stay awake for a bit more _mijo_." He carried him toward the bathroom.

Olivia chewed her lip. She could get up without help, right?

Right?

xxx

"I would have come help you." Rafael said, pulling on his sleep shirt.

Olivia shrugged. "I got it." After several failed attempts.

"Noah barely made it through brushing his teeth." Rafael pulled backed the covers so he could climb in bed next to Olivia.

"Well you started his day with ice cream for breakfast. Please tell me he ate actual food today."

"We had pancakes as soon as we left here, hot dogs for lunch and greasy pizza for dinner. With a few snacks scattered in between." He waited for Olivia to get situated before turning off his bedside lamp and laying down.

Olivia tried to close her eyes but Amanda's voice kept swirling in her head. _What's going on with you and Barba?_

"Rafa what are we doing?" Olivia whispered. She could hear Rafael was still awake.

"We are going to sleep. Do you want to do something else?"

"I mean what are **_we_** doing?"

"I'm confused. Do you want me to get you something?"

"No" Olivia struggled to move into a sitting position.

Rafael sat up and helped Olivia. "Is everything okay? Are you in labor?"

Olivia shook her head. "Everything is fine. I was just talking with Amanda and I need to know. What are we doing? Y-you live here and we have bean and Noah. And you rub my feet, make us food and... what are we doing here Rafael?"

Rafael looked down. "What do you want us to be doing?"

Olivia placed a hand on her bump. What did she want? What place did she want Rafael to have in their lives?

Rafael took her silence as an answer. "There's no need to answer anything now, you can think it over while you sleep. I don't need an answer now, but you need rest."

"I love you Rafa" she whispered.

"What?" He wasn't sure if he heard her.

"I said I love you Rafa," she said a bit louder, "for a really long time. But I never said anything because I always thought it would be one-sided. I never wanted to jeopardize our friendship when I wasn't sure if you felt the same way."

Rafael laughed and shook his head. "You know, for two adults who work in professions were communication is key, we are both terrible at it. After all those times you turned me down for a drink, I assumed you didn't feel the same. But when we... shared that night, I just felt like I needed to do something or the guilt of what could have been would have killed me. I needed a memory of something good incase the worst happened."

"And now we have bean." Olivia placed a hand on her stomach.

"So now what are we?" Rafael asked glancing at Olivia.

"Two people that love each other, that sleep in the same bed and have a child together," Olivia supplied.

"Two. You have to count Noah. But what does that make us?"

"Boyfriend and girlfriend?"

"That sounds so juvenile," Rafael scoffed.

"You want to be life partners instead?"

"Sounds like lesbians in the 90's. We'll figure out a title later, but I would really like whatever we have going on to work. I think we owe it to ourselves after so long."

"You can't leave again Rafa. Not just for me, but for Noah. For bean" she clutched her stomach. "I can't do this alone. I can't handle you leaving again"

"I'm not leaving Livia" Rafael moved closer. "I'm never leaving again. Not you. Not Noah. Not Michael?" He tried resting a hand on her bump

"Not Michael."

"Fine. I'm not leaving you, Noah or bean. Never again."

"Good," Olivia smiled. "Michael? Seriously?"

"Riley?"

"Rosa?" Olivia said

"Nah. Ronnie?"

"For a boy?"

"No. Our maybe daughter" 

Olivia turned to him. "You want to name our daughter Ronnie?"

"It sounds crazy now that I say it out loud" he saw Olivia try to hide a yawn. "Come on, let's go to sleep"

Rafael helped her lay back down and scooted closer to her like he did all the nights before. He kissed her shoulder

"Hey Rafa" Olivia mumbled sleepily. "I love you"

"I love you too _cariño_."


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was editing the chapter about bean's birth and realised I never wrote about Lucia finding out. So here you go...

"Bean still needs a name," Rafael whispered as he rubbed Olivia's stomach. They were cuddled together in bed one night and Olivia couldn't sleep.

"Adonis" Olivia suggested

"Never in a million years. Anna?"

"Meh. Aiden?"

"Ben?"

"Kinda close to bean, but no. Brielle?"

"David" Rafael quickly shook his head. "Scratch that I don't want to give bean a religious name."

"Jackson?" 

"Seems kinda long."

"If it's a girl we can always name her Lucia" Olivia said with a smile.

"My mother would love that."

"I bet she would."

"My...mother" Rafael's hand stilled. "Oh God! My mother!" he rolled away from Olivia. " _Mami. Dios mio_."

"What's happening with your mother?" Olivia asked over her shoulder.

Rafael continued to mumble in Spanish.

"Barba, I cannot turn as fast. What are you rambling about?"

"I never told my mother."

"You never told her what? That you were staying here?"

"I never told her anything. I walked off the plane, dropped my bags at my hotel room and came straight here. Then after I left here I slept my hangover off at Fin's place. He called the next morning to say you were in the hospital and then I brought the gift the next day. Now we're here. I didn't even tell her I was back in New York."

"Rafa! You've been here for a month. I can literally give birth anyday."

"She's going to kill me."

"She's going to kill us." Olivia gulped.

______

"You want something to eat?" Rafael asked lifting an empty plate the next morning.

"I can't eat," Olivia whispered.

"Livia?" She looked pale.

"I can't think about eating Rafa. Not now."

"Are you okay? Have a seat."

"I need to-" Olivia placed a hand over her mouth and walked towards the bathroom.

"That happens when you eat hotdogs" Noah said, looking up from his breakfast.

He furrowed his brow as he looked at Noah. _Noah calls it hotdog sickness_. She was going to throw up. He ran out the kitchen. "Livia!"

Rafael opened the bathroom door to see Olivia dry heaving. " _Jesucristo_ " he kneeled down next to her. "You guys are staying home. I'll face my mother alone" he gently moved her away from the toilet.

"No Rafa." Olivia closed her eyes as she took some deep breaths.

Rafael stood up and got a washcloth before wetting it slightly. He dabbed her forehead. "It is literally making you sick."

"It's just nerves, I'm fine." Olivia opened her eyes and saw Rafael worriedly looking at her.

"Olivia, you don't have to be there."

"I **have** to tell her" Olivia said. "I'm the one who kept it hidden for so long"

"Do you think your stomach could handle anything?"

Olivia shrugged, "maybe some toast. Just until we get to the diner."

Rafael gave Olivia a hand off the floor. "I still feel like you should stay home, Liv."

"I'm okay." Olivia rubbed his hand.

"Let me get you that toast and then we can try something else later. We do have 3 hours to kill."

xxx

"Uncle Rafa" Noah whined. "When is your mommy getting here?" They had been waiting in the diner for the past 15 minutes.

"Soon _amigo_. She was helping some students." Rafael looked across the table at Olivia. She was picking invisible lint off of her sweater. He reached across the table and held her hand. "Livia, _amor_ , what's wrong?"

"I'm nervous"

"Don't be nervous" he whispered. He knew it was a mistake to say that when the emotions in her eyes changed.

"Don't be nervous?" she hissed leaning forward as best as possible. "We are about to tell your mother that she is about to be a grandmother, that you have known for a month and never said a thing, and I never told her for 9 months." Olivia ran a hand over her bump. "I'm nauseous and I am hot and sweaty in November. And bean is trying to kick my liver out of place. I swear this is going to send me into labor Rafa."

"Don't say that. Just be calm, she won't make a scene. That's why I picked a public place to tell her" he looked over Olivia's head. "Now just breathe, because she's here."

Olivia gripped the napkin as Rafael stood up. Her nausea filled anxiety was returning full force.

"Rafi" Lucia said as she hugged her son. Olivia used that time to struggle out of her seat.

" _Hola mami_ ," Rafael hugged her back just as tightly.

"I see you still kept the beard _mijo_ " Lucia stepped back slightly.

"Well..." Rafael shifted his eyes to Olivia and his mother finally took notice of her.

"Sergeant Benson, how nice to see you."

"You can call me Olivia. And it's lieutenant now" Olivia chuckled nervously.

"That's good. And I see congratulations are in order. How far along are you?"

"36 weeks."

"Oh any day now. Boy or girl?"

"We - I - it's a suprise" Olivia stammered.

Lucia smiled. "We should sit. No sense you keep on your feet that long."

As they sat down Olivia made quick work of introducing Noah to Lucia.

"So to what do we owe the pleasure of having lunch with you guys?"

Olivia looked expectantly at Rafael.

He cleared his throat. "Well _mami_ , I asked" Rafael coughed. "We have some - you should. You know how you always." He winced, "in a couple weeks–"

"Spit it out Rafi. You know I don't like the rambling."

"This is Rafa's baby" Olivia blurted out.

Lucia looked at her son then turned back to Olivia.

"Are we ready to order?" A waiter magically appeared next to their table.

"Can I have grilled cheese?" Noah asked.

The waiter quickly wrote it down. "And for the adults?" They were all still staring at each other. "Or should I come back in a few minutes?"

"A few minutes would be appreciated" Olivia said softly.

" _Cariño_ you have to eat something. You barely ate this morning" Rafael insisted. "Can we just get some fries for the table?"

Olivia rubbed a hand over her stomach. Bean was really having a party today.

There was silence for a few minutes and Olivia was growing more anxious and that anxiety was making her more nauseated.

"How long have you known?" Lucia asked finally.

"Since I came back a month ago" Rafael said looking at the table.

"Based on the little time that you knew I can assume this wasn't planned" Lucia looked at Olivia. "Why did you wait so long to tell Rafi or me?"

" _Mami_ we are not doing that." Rafael glanced at Olivia and she looked on the verge of tears. "Not now, not ever. What's important is that you know."

"This baby would be born out of wedlock" Lucia summised.

"We are not forcing a wedding to please your priest."

"It is not just to please my priest Rafi. It is to ensure that this child is born into a family."

"I need to use the bathroom" Olivia said. She had reached her emotional breaking point.

"Let me help you up," Rafael started to get up.

"I got it" she whispered and she was grateful that she got up in one move.

"Hey Noah, you wanna watch something on my phone?" Rafael gave Noah his phone and airpods.

Noah grinned and quickly opened the youtube app.

Rafael waited until the video started before turning to his mother.

x

"Bean please" Olivia pleaded. "I'm already stressed as is. I promise I'll get your daddy to sing the lullaby, just please don't kick mommy anymore"

She tried to take some deep breaths to calm her stomach but it wasn't helping. Olivia quickly turned to the bin in the corner as her meager breakfast of toast made a comeback. She could feel hot tears rolling down her face the longer she remained hunched over.

Olivia slowly stood up straighter after a few minutes to splash some cold water on her face. She whimpered when she thought about what she was returning to. She grabbed a few paper towels to dry her face.

God, why didn't she say something earlier? Lucia probably hated her. And she was right. What kind of family were they bringing bean into?

Speaking of family, she needed to get back out there before Rafael sent in a search party. Olivia quickly rinsed out her mouth before leaving the bathroom.

As she walked back to the table she could hear bits and pieces of the conversation both Barbas were having in rapid, hushed Spanish.

The word family and love was tossed around by both of them.

Rafael stopped talking when he saw Olivia moving to sit back down.

"¿Rafi, _te vas a casar con ella_?"

" _Mami_ , not now" he warned.

"You need to answer."

"I think that's something Rafa and I should discuss" Olivia said quietly.

Lucia's eyes snapped to hers. "You speak Spanish?"

"Enough to get by." Olivia whispered.

"Why didn't you say something Rafi?"

"I did tell you not now." He said with an eyeroll.

"I apologize for not informing you earlier, Mrs. Barba. I had no right to keep this level of news away from you for so long and I understand that you are upset. I don't think, however, that you should force Rafael to propose just so the baby can be born into a traditional family, when all they need is a loving father and mother. You can be apart of bean's life, I won't stop that. You are their only living grandparent."

Rafael recognized Olivia's press conference voice, he also noticed her red, rimmed eyes. " _Mami_ , let it go. Please"

The waiter came back with the food. 

"I ordered you a sandwich," Rafael said as Olivia watched the plates of food that were placed down.

"Thanks," she whispered as she nibbled on a fry. The salt was helping her queasiness. 

Rafael cleared his throat. "Let's have a change in topic."

"Why didn't you tell me you were back in New York?" Lucia asked. "I thought you were still in Iowa."

"I umm."

"That was my fault." Olivia said as she swallowed. "I sprung the news on him the day he came back. Then I fell at work the next day and Rafael stayed at the hospital with me. We got distracted after that. It's my fault Mrs. Barba."

"You can call me Lucia dear." Lucia said with a small smile. "You are carrying _mi nieto_ after all."

Olivia nodded slowly as she chewed another fry.

"Do you need me to bring some groceries to your apartment?" Lucia asked Rafael.

"That's not necessary _mami_." Rafael tried to explain.

"You can't live off takeout forever. You'll be dead by 50, you need actual food."

"Rafa makes us food all the time." Noah piped up. They all turned toward him. Rafael didn't notice that Noah took out the airpods.

"You remembered how to cook," Lucia teased looking at Rafael.

"Rafa cooks really good and I help sometimes."

"So you're learning how to cook too?"

"Yep." Noah took a big bite of his grilled cheese. "Did you know uncle Rafa and mommy sleep together?"

Lucia looked between her son and Olivia. "So that's why _you_ don't groceries?"

Olivia wished the earth would swallow her as she blushed a deep shade of red.

Rafael looked heavenward as prayed that his mother would not press this issue.

"It's the back pain isn't it?" Lucia asked.

Olivia snapped her eyes to look at her. 

"Because when I was pregnant with Rafi he gave me the worst backpain and heartburn of my life."

Olivia let out a suprised laugh. "The heartburn isn't that bad, as long as I don't eat anything too spicy. The backpain comes and goes."

Lucia laughed. "I want to tell you that it gets better but it doesn't, not until they finally come."

Rafael gave Olivia a brief smile. This was going better than he expected although it started off a bit rocky.

"Rafi what are you doing for work?" Lucia asked as she started eating her salad.

"Umm nothing right now," he grabbed a fry from the basket.

"Rafael Eduardo Barba," Olivia snickered at the use of his full name, "I raised you better than to be a free loader."

"I'm not a free lodaer _mami_. I have my savings that I've been using until I get a job."

Lucia hummed in response, "Good."

"Your middle name's Eduardo?" Olivia asked with a smile.

Rafael rolled his eyes. "Yes," he sighed.

"You two slept together and you never told her your middle name?"

" _Mami_!" Rafael exclaimed and Olivia blushed a deep red.

"Don't _mami_ me. The evidence is right there." She gestured to Olivia's stomach.

Rafael sighed as he ran a hand down his face. " _Those_ things never came up." He gave her a pointed look. "How's your salad? Is it good?"

"It's good Rafi."

"Mommy said we can go to the park after" Noah said, bouncing in his seat.

"Oh, that sounds like fun." Lucia said.

"Can Miss Lucia come to the park too?" Noah asked Rafael.

"I don't see why not" Rafael turned to look at his mother. "But after you finish lunch _mijo_."

Lucia did not miss the term of endearment her son used.

xxx

"I'm sorry for the tone I had earlier" 

"It's okay. It was better than Rafa's initial reaction" Olivia gave a small laugh. "I did mean what I said earlier, I'm sorry that I never told you"

"I've never seen him like this," Lucia commented as they watched Rafael chase Noah around

"They're like that all the time" Olivia smiled. She and Lucia were relaxing on a nearby bench, because there was no way they were going to stand up and watch Noah and Rafael play.

I never thought I would get this from Rafi. I would have taken a man or a woman, but all he was interested in was arguing and winning a case. Then he started working with you and it was sergeant Benson all the time. You really drove him crazy."

Olivia chuckled. "It was the job."

Lucia gave a small smile. "It was more than the job. You both knew that."

Olivia blushed as she placed a hand where bean was kicking. "I have a picture" she started digging in her purse. "Here you go" she handed Lucia an ultrasound image.

"Oh, look at that" Lucia gushed.

"That's from our most recent scan. Bean gained half a pound, my doctor thinks they might be close to eight pounds when they're born."

"Rafi was close to nine pounds."

"Ouch" Olivia winced.

"His _abuelita_ just loved playing with his cheeks. They were always hiding away in the kitchen eating something."

Olivia smiled. "He talks about her sometimes."

"They were thick as thieves. Whenever his... cousins would tease him about belonging to _el cartero_ , she would take him into the kitchen and tell stories about growing up in Santiago de Cuba." 

"Her name was Catalina right?"

"Yes" Lucia stroked the picture. "I should give this back to you."

"No you can keep it. We have another one at home." 

Lucia smiled. "Thank you for this Olivia."

"It's just a picture"

"I think you know that's not the only thing I'm thanking you for _querida_."

"You're welcome" Olivia said with a smile.

Noan came running over with Rafael trailing behind him. "Mommy, I'm cold and uncle Rafa said we can make hot chocolate. Not the powder one, the real kind."

Olivia laughed. "Alright sweet boy, let's go."

Rafael helped Olivia to her feet. " _Mami_ , we can carry you home."

"I drove Rafi, I'm okay."

"Are you sure?'

"Yes" Lucia stressed. She looked at Olivia who was busy watching Noah jump off a bench. "If the memories of my pregnancies serves me right, her ankles are probably swollen and she wants a hot shower. Go take your family home Rafi."

"Alright" Rafael pressed a kiss to his mother's cheek. "I love you."

"Love you too mijo."

xxx

"Hey Rafa," Olivia said softly later that night.

"Everything okay?"

"Yes, I just thought of a baby name."

"Not something too 'unique' right?" He said coming closer to her.

"No umm I was wondering if bean's a girl would you want to name her Catalina?"

"Like _mi abuelita_?"

"Yeah. I was talking with your mom and I thought that it would be nice."

Rafael smiled. "I love it and I love you."

Olivia blushed. "So we have a girl name."

"But what would her middle name be?"

Olivia groaned and placed her head on his shoulder. "This is too hard. Are you sure we can't just name them bean?"

"I don't think they would like that very much." Rafael said with a laugh as he rubbed her back.


	19. Chapter 19

"I have something I need to talk to you about" Rafael said, sinking on the couch next to Olivia.

"You're scaring me," Olivia placed a hand on her stomach as she shifted on the couch, "is everything okay?"

"Nothing bad, I swear. I umm... I got a job offer from Rita"

"Rita Calhoun?" Olivia asked with wide eyes.

Rafael nodded, "the one and the same."

"Rita Calhoun offered you a job?" Olivia was sure her jaw was on the floor.

"She heard I was uh back in New York. She yelled at me for not letting her know first and then she said she had an opening in her firm"

"So you're going to be representing Rita's clients?"

"She wants to start a conviction unit. I'll be representing people wrongfully convicted"

Olivia shifted on the couch again. "So when do you start?"

"I haven't actually taken the job yet" Rafael said sheepishly.

"Why not Rafa? This is an amazing job, why haven't you said yes?"

"I wanted to talk to you about it first. This affects both of us. I'm usually here with you. You need me."

"Rafa, this is an amazing job oppurtunity. I'll be fine at home alone for a few hours. I can finally watch tv uninterrupted."

Rafael laughed. "Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure. When do you need to talk to Rita?"

"She said I could swing by tomorrow around 3."

"So do that and then make a decision. Help me up?"

Rafael smirked and stood up to help Olivia. "If I'm gone all day, who's going to help you up?"

"I can do this by myself, I just thought you needed a job." Olivia teased.

Rafael noticed her smile quickly changed to a frown. "What's wrong?"

"Bean is just...."

"Your back is still bothering you?"

"I think it might stop soon."

"Just 20 more days." That was the only comfort Rafael could give Olivia.

"Maybe less if they decide to come early."

______

Rafael's eyes opened when he felt Olivia move again. "What's wrong?" His voice was hoarse from sleep.

"I'm sorry that I woke you up. You can go back to sleep." Olivia pushed herself into a seated position.

"What time is it?" Rafael glanced at the alarm clock. "It's 4 am Livia, come lay back down."

"My back's bothering me and I can't get comfortable. I don't want to keep you up."

Rafael turned onto his side to face her. "I thought the back pain stopped."

"It comes and goes. More coming than going at this point."

He reached towards her, placing a hand on her hip. "Let me rub it for you. That way you can get some rest."

"It's okay. I'm just going to relax on the couch for a bit."

"Liv stay in bed. You can relax here."

Olivia stood up. "I would just watch a little tv and come back to bed when the pain eases up."

Rafael sat up in bed. "I'll be here waiting."

"Don't wait up. Try to get some rest." Olivia moaned slightly as she tried to stretch. "You have to meet Rita at 3."

"Liv, stay in bed."

"I'll be back soon Rafa."

xxx

Rafael's head lulled forward and he jerked awake. He fell asleep. He turned to Olivia's side of the bed – still empty. He ran a hand over her pillow and frowned when he felt coldness. 

He pulled off the covers. Olivia was getting back in that bed even if he had to carry her himself.

Rafael walked out to the living room. The tv was on but the volume was so low, he could barely hear what was going on. She was curled up on the couch.

"Hey Liv," he whispered. He didn't want to scare her half to death this early in the morning. He moved closer to her. "Liv?" He kneeled down near her head and noticed she was asleep.

Rafael studied Olivia's face, her eyebrows were knitted together and her lips slightly pursed. He placed a hand on her stomach and felt a kick. "Take it easy on your _mami_ bean. She won't say it, but she needs a little rest." He cursed when he felt more movement under his hand.

"You woke bean up" Olivia muttered before opening her eyes.

"I'm sorry. Are you sure you're okay? You looked like you were in pain."

"Bean's running out of room. The kicks and movement are no longer cute and exciting" Olivia grumbled

"I'm sorry Liv." Rafael rubbed her arm. This pregnancy was starting to run it's course on Olivia. Her feet needed to be elevated mostly or she got swollen ankles. Her back pain was a constant. And sleep was beginning to get even more elusive.

"I'm fine Rafa. No need to apologize."

"I'm going to go make some coffee, you want me to make you an 'iced coffee'?"

"Think I would stick with just water." Olivia mumbled as she closed her eyes. She could feel Rafael's worried eyes watching her. "I'm fine Rafa. Go make your coffee."

Rafael reluctantly got off the floor. He hated to see her uncomfortable and he knew she was probably in more pain than she was letting on.

Olivia slowly let out a breath. Her new wave of back pain was stretching towards her belly button. "Take it easy on momma, bean. Please." she mumbled.

xxx

Noah's attempt at softly whispering woke Olivia from her restless sleep. What she was now calling torso pain, had stopped her from actually sleeping.

Olivia pushed herself into a sitting position. "What time is it?" She called out.

"A little after 8," Rafael answered

Olivia tried to take a deep breath, but her torso pain stopped her. She made a noise.

"Are you okay?" Rafael was suddenly by her side. 

"I'm fine." She waved him off, "help me up? I wanna take a shower."

Rafael helped Olivia up. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, just need a shower."

Rafael looked Olivia over, "is your back still hurting?"

"I just really want a shower Rafael." She pushed past him.

"Morning mommy!" Noah shouted through a mouthful of cereal.

"Morning sweet boy. Are you enjoying your day off?" Noah's teachers had a conference, leaving him at home with Rafael and Olivia.

"Yeah. Now I get to stay home with you and uncle Rafa. We get to watch cartoons."

Olivia smiled. "I'm going to take a quick shower, be good for uncle Rafa."

"I am" Noah nodded vigorously

Rafale bit his tongue as he watched Olivia go to the bathroom. Maybe a hot shower might help her back pain.

xxx

Rafael had long stopped paying attention to Noah's cartoon, he heard the shower turn off at least 15 minutes ago but Olivia still hadn't come back to the living room.

"Hey _mijo_ , I'm going to go check on your _mami_ okay?"

Noah nodded before turning back to the tv.

Rafael entered the bedroom to see Olivia pulling the covers down. "Liv?"

"I just need a few minutes to rest" Olivia crawled onto the bed. She squeezed her eyes tight as she felt another wave of pain.

"Are you okay?"

 _No, everything hurts._ "I'm fine. Just uncomfortable and a bit tired."

Rafael furrowed his brow. Olivia never admitted to being tired. "Something's wrong."

"I'm fine Rafa," Olivia adjusted her pillow around her body.

"Then why is the pillow in front?" He knew Olivia usually kept it by her back.

"I think bean needs more support than my back right now."

"Olivia" Rafael tried again.

"I just need a nap. The back pai... I haven't slept properly since I got out of bed this morning."

"Alright. Any requests for lunch?"

"Not really."

"Just try to get some rest." He kissed her temple before bringing the covers up to her shoulders.

xxx

"Hey." Rafael greeted as he poked his head into the bedroom a few hours later. "How was your nap?"

"I got a few minutes here and there." Olivia shrugged.

"Noah wants to eat with you, but if you're not up to coming out of bed I can tell him."

"I'm okay, but he can come in here." Olivia sat up and Rafael helped arrange her pillow behind her back. "I'll go get Noah and the food. Cubanos okay?"

"It's fine." Olivia smiled as Rafael left. She whimpered as she felt the pain coming back. "Bean please," she whispered, "I know you're uncomfortable, but please." Olivia placed a hand on her stomach as she tried to take a deep breath.

"Mommy," Noah said when he entered the room. "Uncle Rafa said I could continue my movie in here." He lifted the iPad.

"Good, what movie are you watching?"

"Zootopia," he said as he climbed on the bed next to her. He settled by her feet as Rafael gave him his sandwich.

"Try not to leave crumbs _mijo_ " Rafael warned as he handed Olivia her plate.

"Where are you going?" Olivia asked when she saw him walking back out the room.

"To tidy up the kitchen"

"Come eat with us."

"Yeah Rafa. Come eat with us." Noah pleaded. "We can watch my movie together."

Rafael smiled at the two of them with the same pleading expression. They both knew how to guilt trip a man. "Let me go get my lunch."

"I like this sandwich" Noah told his mother as he took a bite.

"I think Uncle Rafa would be very glad to hear that, but don't talk with your mouth full honey."

Noah nodded. "Sorry" he said after swallowing. 

"I'm back. Let's watch this movie" Rafael came to sit on the other side of the bed. Truth be told this was the fourth time this week Noah had watched this movie.

His eyes kept darting to Olivia. He knew her back was bothering her for the past few days, but he didn't think it ever got this bad.

"Something wrong with your sandwich?" Rafael asked Olivia.

"What?" She turned to look at him.

"You barely ate three bites" he pointed out.

"Oh" Olivia chuckled a bit as she ran a hand over her stomach. "Just not feeling too hungry." She put her plate on the bed between them.

"This is your first meal for the day, how are you not hungry?"

"I don't eat all the time Rafael," Olivia sighed.

"I'm not saying that," Rafael quickly changed tactics. "Is your back still bothering you?"

"Not really." _Everywhere hurts now._ "It comes and goes. Think I just need to stretch my legs."

Rafael ran around to her side of the bed 

Olivia bit back a grunt as she stood up.

"I'm taking you to a doctor."

"Rafael, I'm fine. I'm not leaving the comfort of my apartment for back pain," Olivia huffed, rolling her eyes. "They're probably just going to say it's because I'm old."

"Liv, you're not old."

She waved him off. "You said you had to tidy up the kitchen, let's go do that."

Rafael sighed. "What about Noah?"

"He barely knows that we're here." She pointed to Noah, fully engrossed in his movie. "Come on."

He followed her out to the kitchen. Truth be told there wasn't that much mess in the kitchen to clean.

"Sit on the chair. Not up for debate." Rafael said pointing to a chair.

Olivia rolled her eyes as she went to the chair. The pain almost paralyzed her before she sat and she made a squeak to stop herself from groaning. 

"Everything okay?"

"I think I'm going to stand. It's not as bad if I stand."

xxx

"Are you sure you don't want me to take Noah?" Rafael asked as he put on his coat.

"We'll be fine Rafa. Go talk to Rita."

"Alright _mijo_ , try not to stress your _mami_ out too much. Do whatever she says and call me if something happens."

"Okay Rafa," Noah nodded before running back to the couch to watch his show.

Rafael walked over to Olivia, who was leaning on the back of the couch. "I would feel better if you were sitting."

"And I told you, I feel better standing." She snapped. "I'm sorry, I'm just uncomfortable."

Rafael sighed in defeat. "I would be back before 5, just try to relax okay." He placed a hand on her stomach that was feeling tense to the touch. He quirked an eyebrow up, "Liv?" 

"I'm fine. Can you bring some donuts home?"

"I will," he replied rubbing her stomach gently. The tension was starting to slowly go away. "Get some rest, please, for me." He kissed her forehead. "I'll see you three later."

"Bye Rafa."

"I'm taking your car" he called over his shoulder as he grabbed her keys.

xxx

"Rafael Barba driving through the streets of Manhattan" Rita greeted, "has hell truly frozen over?"

"You tell me" Rafael grinned. "Good to see you Rita."

"And what's this? No three piece suit." She teased as she flapped open his coat. "Am I not that special to you outside of the courtroom?"

"Not this time." Rafael checked his watch. "Can we hurry this along? I have to get back home soon."

"Since when are you desperate to get back home?" Ritas asked, but she still led him into the building.

"I have some important people waiting for me."

xxx

Olivia finally decided to ease herself onto the couch next to Noah. While her standing and pacing was helping the pain it was doing nothing for her feet. 

"Mommy, can we go to the park tomorrow?"

"Maybe uncle Rafa might have to take you, I'm not too sure how comfortable I might feel tomorrow."

"Okay" Noah snuggled into Olivia's side. Olivia ran a hand through his curls, she was soaking in the moments of him being her only baby. 

"Mommy, I want bean to be a boy."

"Why?"

"I already play with Jesse. I don't want another girl. I want a brother to play with."

Olivia laughed. "I can't promise you that Noah. But can you promise to be happy no matter what?"

Noah traced shapes on Olivia's stomach and sighed. "I can try."

There was a soft click before all the lights and the tv turned off.

"Hey!" Noah sat up straighter, "What happened to the tv?"

x

"So what do you think Barba?" Rita asked as they stepped into the elevator

"I think that it's good. I'll take you up on your job offer"

"I always knew you would"

"But I need to take a few weeks off before I start"

"That's not how a job works," she gave him a strange look

"I know" Rafael laughed. "I just need pat-"

The elevator screeched to a halt and the lights flickered. "Are we stuck?"

"What just happened?"

x

"Mommy everywhere is dark" Noah said from the window he had scrambled to.

"What?" Olivia hauled herself off the couch and walked towards the window. It was a city wide blackout.

"What happened? Why did everywhers go dark?"

"The power's out."

"Where did it go? Is it coming back?"

Olivia chuckled. "It should be back soon."

"But it's getting dark. What if Rafa can't find his way home?"

"He'll be home soon sweet boy"

"Alright."

Olivia placed both hands on her stomach when she felt pain again, it was almost twice as strong as it was before. This was not good. She tried to think, how often had she been brushing this off? When did it get this bad?

Her stomach was tense, almost rigid. Olivia's eyes widened as a thought crossed her mind – this wasn't back pain, these were contractions. She was labour. "Bean, not now," she mumbled.

She needed Rafael. She needed her phone. Olivia took two steps when she felt a pop. "Oh no" There was liquid running down her leg. "No, no, no"

Noah turned "mommy did you pee your pants?"

Olivia was staring at the growing puddle at her feet. "It's not pee." She mumbled to herself.


	20. Chapter 20

"Uncle Rafa! Mommy peed her pants!" Noah shouted into the phone.

"What?"

"Noah what are you doing?"

"Uncle Rafa said to call him if something happened."

"Noah, give me the phone" Olivia grabbed the phone.

"Liv, what's going on?" Rafael didn't like how agitated she sounded.

"Oh nothing" she breathed as she sat slowly on the couch. "Just your child decided to come in the middle of a citywide blackout. Where are you?"

"What?! I'm stuck in the elevator at Rita's firm," he ran a hand through his hair. " _Dios_ Liv. Are you okay? Are you in pain? Jesus, what am I asking? Of course you're in pain. Wait, are you absolutely sure this is labor?"

"I can hear you pacing and it's making me dizzy. I'm okay as I could get. The pain is...painful. And yes I'm sure this is labor, my water broke like 20 minutes ago"

"Why are you just calling me?"

"I cleaned the floor and changed my pants. I thought you would be here by now" Olivia bit her lip. Another contraction was starting again. "Get here, please" she begged.

"I can... I can probably get out here in maybe 40 minutes. Call Fin. Have him... Liv?"

"Rafa?" Olivia furrowed her brows when she heard static.

"Olivia!" Rafael pulled the phone away from his ear – he had lost service.

"What's happening?" Rita asked. She could only catch bits and pieces of the conversation.

"Liv's in labor" Rafael said distractedly as he tried to text Fin. "My baby could be born today and I'm stuck in an elevator"

"I'm sorry." She held up a hand "Your what?!"

x

"Pick up Fin" Olivia mumbled as the phone rang.

"Yo, this is Fin. Do what you want at the beep" 

Olivia wanted to scream. She needed Fin, not his voicemail.

She could call Amanda. Amanda could help.

Noah snuggled to her side. "Mommy I'm cold"

Olivia pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped it around his shoulders. "The heat would be back as soon as the power comes back, sweet boy. I just have to call aunty Amanda"

"Then she could bring back the power?" Noah asked.

The inside of the apartment was getting darker as the sun was getting ready to set.

"Maybe you should go get the flashlight, so that way we can see."

"Okay mommy" Noah ran off to the kitchen and started searching through the drawers. Olivia turned at the light flickering. "I found it mommy. Can we tell ghost stories?"

"Not right now Noah."

"I'm going to go tell them to Eddie." Noah ran off to his bedroom.

Olivia quickly dialled Amanda's number. "Rollins" Olivia pulled away the phone as she stifiled a groan. "Where... Where are you?"

"Stuck in the courthouse. A prisoner got loose in the power outtage. Fin's helping them look. Everything okay?"

Olivia leaned back on the couch. "Okay" she took a deep breath. "Okay"

"Liv you're scaring me"

"Carisi's at the station right?"

"Yeah. Olivia, what's happening?"

"My water broke. Rafa's stuck in an elevator. He said to call Fin"

"Alright, first I need you to breathe. Take some deep breaths" Amanda paused. "I can't hear you breathing Liv"

"I'm breathing!" She then remembered Noah was still in the apartment. "I am breathing."

"Did you time the contractions?"

"No... I uh it was back pain. It was just back pain."

"Okay, how long ago did the back pain start?"

"My water broke and the power's out. I can't give birth in the dark."

"Olivia, I need you to focus. When did the pain start? Like an hour ago? Around lunch time?" Amanda crossed her fingers, hoping that Olivia would say an hour ago.

"4 am" Olivia whispered. "I couldn't sleep."

"Liv, I need you to hang up and call Sonny right now. If he doesn't answer, you call me back and I'll send a bus"

"I don't need-"

"I'm getting an ambulance if Carisi does not answer. It is not up for discussion. Call him."

x

"You have a child?!" Rita shouted

Rafael winced at her volume. He was still waiting on a text from Fin. "Yes. Olivia's in labor"

"Olivia? As in Olivia Benson? Lieutenant Benson from the 16th precinct's SVU?"

"Yes. Yes" Rafael snapped. "Do you have service? Because Fin hasn't texted me back as yet."

"You and Olivia? When?" Rita was still trying to wrap her head around what Rafael was saying

"Does it matter?" He checked his phone. He had service. Rafael quickly sent Amanda a text.

"I knew you two were close and all...but a baby." Rita leaned against the wall. "A baby is a big deal."

x

"SVU, detective Carisi speaking"

"Sonny thank God" Olivia breathed. She really didn't want an ambulance ride.

"Lieu? You okay?"

"No. I'm in labor and the power's out and Noah's cold. Rafa's trapped in an elevator. Fin and Amanda are stuck in the courthouse."

"What!" Carisi balanced the phone between his shoulder and his ear as he reached for his coat and keys. "Liv, I'm going to hang up and call you from my cell phone okay?" He didn't wait for her to respond before hanging up.

"Noah!" Olivia called out and he came running into the living room. "Go put on your coat honey. Uncle Sonny is coming soon."

"When's uncle Rafa gonna come home? Is he lost?"

"He'll be here soon, but you need to get your coat."

"M'kay" Noah pulled his coat down and put it on. "I'm going to tell more ghost stories to Eddie." He ran off as Olivia's phone rang.

"Sonny tell me that your close"

"I just pulled out from the station. There's traffic. Alot of traffic. It might be a while."

"Use the sirens!" Olivia shouted. "Sonny do something" she groaned. This baby was trying to rip her in half

"H-how far apart are the contractions?"

"I don't know. Often"

"Liv I kinda need more than that"

"My water broke." She could hear a faint noise in the background. "Did you put on the siren?"

"They're on now. How are you holding up?"

Olivia's head flopped back. "I... I need Rafa."

"Everything's gonna be okay Liv. I'll be in there in about 5 minutes. Give me 5 minutes Liv."

x

"Exactly when did this..." She was trying to think of an appropriate word. "This union happen?"

"The day before I testified. I was sure I was going to jail."

"The last plea of a desparate man" Rita summised.

"It was more than that Rita. It was always more than that."

"That's why you came back. Why didn't you say something?"

"I didn't know until a couple weeks ago." He checked his phone. "Do you have service?"

"It's going in and out." Rita turned off her phone. "Are you sure the kid's yours? Cause half of New York knew about that pregnancy and you didn't."

"It doesn't matter who knew first Calhoun!" Rafael shouted. "I need to get out of here."

Rita pulled the emergency phone. "Here you go. Maybe you might get lucky and get the elevator operator."

Rafael grabbed the phone. "Hello?"

"Yeah we saw you guys. You're stuck between floors so we called FDNY, they're on their way."

"Thank you" Rafael put down the phone. "They called the fire service."

"Hallelujah, we're saved" Rita said dryly.

xxx

Olivia looked up when she heard the door open. "I'm so glad I gave you guys keys."

"I'm glad too" Carisi walked towards her, "where's your bag?"

"In the closet. My room."

Carisi took off to Olivia's bedroom. He spotted the grey baby bag neatly tucked to a side and grabbed it. He passed by Noah's room on the way out. "Hey Noah."

"Uncle Sonny," he greeted. "did you bring back the power?"

"I can't do that, but come on we need to go." He balanced the bag in his hand.

"Where are we going?"

"We just have to go out for a bit." He took Noah's hand and they walked back to Olivia.

She was leaning against the wall, her eyes were tightly closed. Carisi took out his phone to try and time the contraction.

"So that one was maybe about 30 seconds." Carisi said when Olivia finally relaxed.

"Only 30?"

"Could be more or less." He ushered both Bensons out of the door before locking the door. Noah skipped off to the elevator. "No elevator kid, we have to take the stairs." He turned to Olivia, "you can make the stairs right?"

"Do I have a choice right now?"

x

"Her back was hurting this morning." Rafael suddenly said. 

"What?"

"Olivia woke up this morning at 4 am because her back pain was making it hard to sleep. She was probably having contractions and didn't realize. She was probably having contractions and I didn't realize."

Rita looked at her phone. It was almost 5. "She's been in labor all day. How could none of you realize?"

"She kept brushing me off and the more I pressed, the more she kept pushing me away. She hates people to worry about her. I thought I would have been home by now. I should have been home by now, not stuck in an elevator with you of all people."

"Ouch. I missed you too Barba."

"Sorry."

"It's alright. Pregnancy hormones wreck havoc on your body."

Rafael rolled his eyes. "If she's been having contractions for so long and her water already broke, how much time do you think she has left?"

"Based on my medical knowledge, I'm guessing a few hours."

x

"Just breathe through them Liv. We're almost there." If there was no other time Carisi was grateful for sirens, it was today. They weaved through traffic effortlessly and had just turned off at the hospital exit.

Olivia squeezed her eyes tighter as she tried to rub soothing circles on her stomach

"What's wrong mommy?" Noah leaned between the two seats.

"Everything's okay Noah"

"But- but, something's wrong "

Olivia turned as best as possible to see Noah. "Mommy's okay. I promise"

Noah looked up at the building that came into view. "Why are we at the hospital? Are you sick?"

"Remember how you were telling Jesse all about becoming a big brother?"

"Yeah."

"Well we have to come here so that way we can get bean."

"Okay," Noah nodded

"Think you can walk? Or do you need a wheelchair?" Carisi asked after he parked.

"I can walk" Olivia took a deep breath

Sonny ran around the other side of the car to help Olivia out. He opened the back door and ushered Noah out while grabbing the bag.

"What's Lucy's number? She might need to come get Noah" Carisi slung the bag over his shoulder as he put a hand on Noah's shoulder.

"She's in Jersey with her mom. Call Lucia."

x

Rita slowly sank to the floor. 

"What are you doing?" Rafael asked.

"I'm waiting. You can't very well expect me to stand until the firefighters get here."

"I expected you to help me find a way out."

"Sit down Barba. It might be awhile." Rita leaned her head against the wall. Rafael was still pacing. She nudged his foot. "That won't do you any good. Just sit."

Rafael sank down on the opposite side. "I knew something was wrong. I should have never left home."

x

"Thank God for generators." Carisi mumbled as the elevator doors opened at the maternity floor. He was just about ready to step off when Olivia grabbed his shoulder. "Liv?"

"Don't move," she moaned.

Carisi stuck out a hand to hold open the elevator door. "Do you want a wheelchair?" He tried not to cry out in pain when Olivia squeezed his shoulder tighter. "Okay, no wheelchair." He looked up when he saw a familiar face. "Dr. Halloway!"

She turned. "Olivia?" She came towards the elevator. "Let me get you a wheelchair."

Carisi's knees buckled when Olivia squeezed his shoulder tighter. "No wheelchairs."

They were all at a standoff until Olivia slowly released Carisi's shoulder. "Alright, let's go." He ushered Noah out of the elevator first.

"We have a room, come with me." Dr. Halloway led them dowm the hall. "How far apart are the contractions?"

"I don't know." Carisi answered. "Maybe 5 minutes. I forgot to time them when I was driving."

"So I can assume you don't know how long they are either?"

"That one in the elevator felt long. Maybe a minute." Carisi was rambling now.

Dr. Halloway turned to Olivia. "I need to know, when did the pain start?"

"4 this morning" Olivia whispered. "My water broke about an hour ago."

"Let me get you situated then I'll check how dialted you are." She showed Olivia the empty room. "You might want to find someone to hold Noah." She told Carisi.

"Right." He looked down at his phone. He already had Lucia's number dialed.

"Mrs. Barba, hi. This is Sonny, I'm a friend of your son."

"Yes, I know who you are. Can I ask why you're calling? Is everything okay?"

"Right. Olivia's in labor and Rafael's stuck in a elevator somewhere, I'm not sure where. Her usual babysitter is in New Jersey and we need someone to watch Noah."

" _Ay Dios mio._ " Lucia breathed. "Of course I'll watch him. Tell Olivia I will be at her apartment soon."

"Soon won't be happening with the power outage and traffic. I'm going to send an officer to pick you up and bring you to the hospital. Just give me your address and I'll get right on it."

xxx

"Can't believe you're going to be a father Raf" Rita said with a rare, soft smile.

"Sometimes I can't believe it either. I've heard the heartbeat and I feel the kicks. I've seen Olivia's stomach grow."

"Yeah, she was huge last I saw" Rita laughed. Rafael glared at her. "Sorry. So you two are just raising the kid?"

"We're together now" Rafael said with a lopsided smile. "Still trying to think of a label. Boyfriend and girlfriend sounds so weird at our age."

Rita laughed, "you say that like you're almost 60." She looked over at him playing nervously with his phone. "You've come so far from that skinny, shirtless kid that threw me down in the quad. I'm proud of you."

Rafael side eyed her. "That had more to it and you know it."

"I know I know, you hate talking about it." She saw him glance at the time again. "You won't be like them you know."

"I know." He checked the time again. "I just wish I could be there. I'm missing the birth of my child."

"Fin would take care of her. You know how he is." Rita looked down. "Have you ever told Benson about..."

"No. He doesn't exist as far as I'm concerned. And you don't tell her either."

x

"Mrs. Barba, officer Peters is going to take you two anywhere you want." Carisi said as he handed off Noah to Lucia. "This is the key to Liv's place incase you need some of Noah's clothes."

"Did you get a hold of Rafi? I tried calling him but it's going straight to voicemail."

"I haven't gotten him yet. But I'm still trying."

"Where are they taking mommy?" Noah asked looking around Carisi.

He turned and saw them wheeling Olivia out of the room. "Mrs. Barba... I need to go."

"You go ahead." She took Noah's hand. "Let's go _nieto_. We'll be back to see your _mami_ soon."

Carisi ran over to Olivia's bedside. "What's happening?"

"We're moving her to a delivery room." Dr. Halloway said.

Carisi's mouth went dry. "D-delivery room?"

"Yes. Olivia's at 8 cm, and we have a room available." She explained. "Baby's not waiting for anybody."

"Where's Rafa?" Olivia groaned out as she gripped the bedrail

"He's coming" the multiple texts Carisi had sent were undelivered. "He's going to be here soon." He stepped aside and let them move her before digging out his phone. They really needed Rafael now. He had been nearby when his sisters had given birth, but this was different. Rafael needed to be here.

xxx

"We've been in here for 3 hours now," Rafael groaned. "Bean could already be here and I won't know because the service is sketchy in here."

"Bean?" Rita questioned. "You guys want to name the kid, Bean?"

"Nickname." Rafael said simply. "We don't know the gender. She's going to hate me."

"I don't think Benson's going to hate you if you miss 'bean's' birth."

Rafael looked down. Olivia would forgive him no questions asked, but he would always hate that he missed it. A cranking noise caused him to look up. "Hear that?" Rafael scrambled off the floor

"Guess we're about to be saved." Rafael helped Rita up as the doors were pried open. From the angle it was clear they were stuck between floors, with just enough room for them to slip through.

A firefighter kneeled by the opening. "So which one of you is coming first?"

x

"You want an epidural?"

Olivia shook her head. "I think I can do this"

"Atta girl" Carisi dabbed her forehead. "Lucia called, she said she would stay at your place to keep Noah comfortable."

"Good. Can you get me more ice chips?"

Carisi picked up.the cup and gave her a spoonful. "You guys have a name picked out?"

"If it's a girl then Catalina, after his grandmother. We have no middle names or boys' names set in stone."

"Just so you know, Dominick is a nice name."

Olivia laughed. "So Dominick Odafin or Odafin Dominick? Because Fin already suggested his name a month ago."

Carisi groaned. "Which one of us is the godfather?"

"The both of you genius."

"But I'm the first one right?" Carisi dug out his phone when he heard it chime.

"Is it Rafa?" 

"Amanda. They're leaving court now." He saw Olivia's face scrunch in pain again. "Just breathe lieu. You got this"

x

"Ladies first," Rafael said stepping to the side.

"Then why aren't you reaching up?" Rita teased

"Just hurry."

"Right. Bean" she reached for the firefighter's hands. "Give me a boost Raf."

Rafael rolled his eyes as he helped Rita up. He nervously tapped his foot until someone reached down to help him out of the elevator. As soon as he was out the lights flickered and turned on.

"Now the power comes back" Rita huffed with an eyeroll. 

Rafael checked his phone as it buzzed with hundreds of texts and calls finally coming in. He was just about to respond when a new call came in. "Carisi? What's happening?"

x

"Take me home" Olivia moaned.

"What?"

"I'm not having this baby without Rafa. Take me home."

"I can't do that Liv. You know that."

"Get. Barba. Here." She forced out. "Now!"

"I'm going to try to call him one more time." Carisi quickly ran out the room. He really wished someone was here to trade off with him. The lights flickered before coming back on full pledged with a hum. 

At least the power was back on. 3 hours after it left.

Carisi dialed Rafael's number for what had to be the hundredth time. "Barba, thank God." He breathed when Rafael finally answered his phone. "Tell me you're almost here."

"They just pulled us out the elevator. Is everything okay?"

"They moved Liv to a delivery room."

"What?!" Rafael shouted drawing the attention of the firefighters and Rita. 

"Her doctor said she's almost 8 cm and they had a room available. That was like maybe an hour ago. She hasn't really progressed any further since. How far away are you?"

Rafael turned to Rita. "How far away is Mercy General?"

"About 20 maybe 30 minutes on a good day." She answered

"Did you hear that?" Rafael asked.

"You're not getting here in 30 minutes. Traffic's backed all the way to Queens. I had to use sirens to get us here and a patrol car to send your mom and Noah home."

Rafael rubbed his forehead in frustration. "I'll still try to get there as soon as possible. Just keep Liv company and let her know that I'm coming."

"No problem Barba." Carisi hung up.

"What's happening?" Rita asked

"Liv's at 8 cm and Carisi said the traffic is terrible. I have to get there."

"So get to the hospital Barba. Break every law you have to. I'll help you cover up everything in traffic court."

"Thanks Rita."

"Go!" Rita shouted when Rafael was still standing in front of her.

"Right. Right." He started towards the door when a firefighter stopped him. "Couldn't help but listen in, you need to get to the hospital right?"

xxx

"I'm not giving birth without Barba." Olivia ground out.

"You're not. He's getting here soon." Carisi wasn't sure who he was trying to convince anymore.

The room door burst open as Rafael slid in. "I'm here Liv" he stumbled a bit at the door as he dropped his jacket. "I'm here _mi amor_ " he held her hand. "I'm right here" Rafael whispered.

Carisi handed him the damp rag, "my sisters liked it. How did you get here so fast?"

"Ambulance." Olivia's eyes ran over Rafael. "I'm okay. The firefighters offered me a lift, it was the fastest way here."

"I'm glad you're finally here." Olivia said squeezing his hand gently.

"I am too. We can get through this together."

"I -" Olivia squeezed Rafael's hand tighter as another contraction started.

"Yeah that happens about every 2 minutes now." Carisi patted his shoulder. "Good luck, she's got a grip."

Rafael dabbed Olivia's forehead. "Just squeeze my hand as tight as you need."

"I'm going outside to wait on Fin and Manda."

Rafael nodded. Before Carisi left the room he turned. "Sonny. Thank you...for everything." 

"No problem Rafael."

xxx

"I want an epidural" Olivia groaned. 

"Livia, _amor_ , we can do this." He rubbed the back of her hand. "We're almost there." He had been here for probably 20 minutes 

" **We** are not anywhere. I'm the only one in labor. And I want the pain to end!"

"The contraction's almost over"

"I want an epidural!" She screamed. "Gunshots have hurt less"

"Let me get the doctor." He was trying to wiggle his hand to freedom. "I'm getting her"

Olivia gripped the bedrail again and let out a low moan. Rafael all but ran out of the room.

"I need Dr. Halloway" Rafael said when he reached the nurses' station. "Right now. I want to see you page her"

"Right away sir."

"What's happening in there Barba?" Carisi asked, getting up from the chair he was sitting on.

"She wants an epidural," Rafael said distractedly as he tapped his fingers waiting for Dr. Halloway.

"What?! Since when?"

"She just screamed she wanted one and I'm getting her one. I'm not going in there without her doctor."

"Who's screaming?" Fin asked coming around the corner.

"Liv wants an epidural"

"I knew it" Amanda cheered. "I knew it. You owe me $20."

"But she was holding out. She wasn't going to get one." Carisi grumbled.

"Damn it. Dodds was right." Amanda grumbled.

"Rafael," Dr. Halloway came from another room, "is everything okay? The nurse paged me 911."

"Liv wants an epidural."

Dr. Halloway furrowed her brow. "Olivia told me she didn't want one."

"Well she wants one now."

"I need to examine Olivia first."

Rafael looked at all of them gathered as Dr. Halloway walked away. "I need to go."

"Go do you Barba" Fin said, patting his back. "Give our best to Liv."

xxx

"You're giving me my epidural?" Olivia asked when she saw Dr. Halloway.

"I need to check how dilated you are first"

Rafael wrung out the rag before dabbing Olivia's head. "This would be over soon Livia," he soothed. She barely gave a hum in response. Instead she curled her fingers around the sheet, gripping tightly. "I'm so sorry Liv."

"Not your fault." She whispered as Dr. Halloway moved back from the end of the bed and took off her gloves.

"Can I get the drugs?" Olivia pleaded.

"It's too late for that now"

"What?" Rafael was sure he got whiplash from how fast he turned to look at Dr. Halloway. "How can it be too late?"

"There's window for an epidural, Olivia has passed it."

"But she wants one now," Rafael said. "Why can't she just get one?"

Olivia moaned as she pressed her head into the pillow. "Rafa" she reached blindly for his hand.

"What's wrong Olivia?" Dr. Halloway asked.

"There's pressure...down there." 

"Pressure? Why is there pressure?" Rafael looked between Olivia and Dr. Halloway

"Your body's telling you that it's time to push."

"P-push? It's too soon."

Dr. Halloway looked up at Rafael, he looked nervous. "By the time Olivia got here she was already at 6 cm. Things progessed quickly after that, especially since her water had already broke. She's at 10 cm now."

"Rafa" Olivia said weakly as she pulled him closer.

"I'm here Livia." He saw her biting her lower lip, probably to stop herself from crying out in pain. He brushed back her hair. "We're this close to meeting bean."

"I want an epidural" Olivia whimpered.

"I know."

xxx

"...9...10" Dr. Halloway counted. "Stop pushing. Take a deep breath."

Olivia's head flopped to one side as she tried to take a deep breath. "Why is this taking so long?" She panted. "If they were so desperate to come, why am I still pushing?"

Rafael gave her a sympathetic smile as he squeezed her hand. 20 minutes later and they were finally making some headway. He was tired and he wasn't even the one doing the hard work.

"Alright Olivia, give me one more push and then you'll have your baby."

Olivia shook her head. "No."

"C'mon Liv. Just one more big push and then it's over." Rafael said softly.

"I can't." She panted. "I'm tired. It hurts too much." 

"Olivia, we really need one more push. Just one more." She glanced at Rafael, "do you think you can help with one of her legs?"

Rafael held the back of her knee where a nurse instructed. "Don't you dare look down there." Olivia whispered.

"Wouldn't dream of it _mi amor_. Just one more push."

"One more?" She was so tired.

"Only one." He kissed her slightly sweaty forehead.

"On the next contraction, I need you to give it all you got." Dr. Halloway saw Olivia's brows furrowed and her eyes squeezed tight. "Time to push."

Olivia sat forward with the help of Rafael and a nurse. "You're doing amazing _cariño_. So amazing." He whispered. "Bean's almost here."

Olivia gave an animalistic groan as she gave her final push. She flopped back on the bed when the pressure she had been feeling, finally stopped.

Rafael looked away from Olivia's face when he heard the sharp cry.

"Congratulations" Dr. Halloway smiled, holding the crying, squirming newborn. "It's a ...


	21. Chapter 21

"It's a boy" Dr. Halloway smiled before placing the baby on Olivia.

Olivia let out a sob as she touched the still crying baby. 

"Daddy? Do you want to cut the cord?" A nurse was giving Rafael the scissors

Rafael looked around. _Daddy?_ He looked down at the scissor being held in his direction. "Me? You want me to cut it?"

"Yes. Just take these scissors and cut right here." She pointed to the spot between the two clamps that had been placed there.

"What if I hurt him? What if I-" he turned when he felt Olivia's hand on his arm. 

"Cut the damn thing Barba."

"Okay." He took the scissors and shakily cut the cord.

"Time to get this little guy cleaned and warmed," she picked up bean and took him to the warmer in the corner of the room.

"Bean's a boy" Olivia whispered as she looked up at Rafael.

"A loud boy" Rafael joked. Bean was currently crying with all the force his lungs could muster, which was apparently alot.

Olivia looked over at her crying son in the warmer as a nurse wiped him clean and put a diaper on. "Go keep him company" she whispered.

"How do I do that?"

"Just go" Olivia urged.

Rafael shuffled over looking down at his son. **His son**. His tiny hands balled into fists as he wailed and his legs dutifully tried to kick out of the nurse's grasp. Bean was going to be a soccer player with legs like that.

"You can touch him" the nurse whispered.

Rafael reached out a tentative finger to stroke his son's arm. " _H-hola bebé. Soy tu papí_ " he choked out

The crying eased slightly as the baby turned slightly toward Rafael. "Hey _mijo_."

"Looks like somebody remembers you. Did you talk to him often? Maybe a sing a particular song?"

"There was a song."

"Well don't be shy. I have heard it all in here, even Baby Got Back."

Olivia wiped away her tears as she listened to Rafael softly sing in Spanish. "All cleaned up down here" Dr. Halloway said before lowering Olivia's legs.

"I'm so sorry" the nurse gestured to bean's arm after a few minutes. "I need to swaddle him"

"Oh" Rafael reluctantly let go and the crying almost immediately started back

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" the nurse cooed as she quickly wrapped him. "Daddy's right here still. He's right here" she lifted the baby. "I think somebody needs you"

Rafael gulped. He could do this. He curved his arm as the nurse put the crying bundle in them. "Hey bean, I see you stopped kicking." He looked up at Olivia. She looked exhausted – but happy. "Your _mami_ wants to say hi." He gave Olivia the baby.

"Hey bean" she whispered as she pulled him close to her chest. "Noah's going to be so glad you're a boy."

Rafael smiled as the baby quieted in his mother's arms and turned to nuzzle her chest slightly. "What do you want to name him?" He asked, sitting next to her on the bed. "We can't call him bean for the rest of his life."

Olivia looked down at her son. The blue hat the nurse had put on his head was sliding off a bit, exposing his dark, already curly hair. She couldn't see what color his eyes were because they were currently closed. His long lashes were resting gently on his chubby cheeks.

"Nate" she whispered looking at the sleeping baby in her arms.

"Short for Nathan or Nathaniel?"

"Just Nate. It has four letters like Noah's. Nate Santiago"

"Like the Cuban city?" He asked with his eyebrows raised. Olivia nodded. " _Mis abuelos_ were from there"

"Your mom told me that. I thought it sounded nice together. Do you want to name him that? We can think of something else."

He reached out a finger to stroke the baby's chubby cheek. "I like it. _Feliz cumpleaños_ Nate Santiago Benson-Barba

"Just Barba." She corrected. "He doesn't need four names, he's a Barba. He already looks like you."

Rafael scoffed. "I beg to differ, he looks nothing like me." His features softened, looking back at Nate. "Nate Santiago Barba, welcome to the world."

Nate cooed as he cracked open an eye to look at his parents. Unimpressed with what he was seeing, he quickly closed it back.

"I'm offended." Rafael said.

Olivia laughed, "You have to update everybody."

"Right," Rafael got off the bed and went towards his coat where his phone was. 

'HE is here and he's perfect' he texted. He turned off his phone and slipped it back in his coat.

"You two have the same grumpy, relaxed look when you sleep." Olivia pointed out.

"I do not." Rafael argued as he walked back towards them. "Thank you for this Olivia." He pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. "You were amazing."

Olivia smiled. "You know how you can really thank me? Get me something to eat."

______

"Lemme see" Amanda squealed as she plucked the baby from Olivia's arms. "Oh, he's gorgeous. Kinda looks like Barba"

"Unlucky kid." Fin teased as he clapped a hand on Rafael's shoulder.

"C'mon Manda, pass him around." Carisi said.

"He's not a football." She hissed back at him. "He's just this perfect, chunky baby" she cooed.

Fin perched himself next to Olivia. "How you feelin' Liv?"

"Sore but happy."

"Sorry you got stuck with Carisi. We had a loose prisoner."

"He was better than I expected. He got us here in one piece"

"Now we need this settled." Fin said rubbing his hands together. "Gender, weight, day, time, and did you get an epidural?"

"He is obviously a boy. He weighs exactly 8 pounds and was born at 9:05 last night. I wanted an epidural but it was too late." Olivia answered.

"So who was right?" Rafael asked

"Dodds was right about the epidural and Carisi was close enough to the date." It was the 13th. "Me and Amanda got the gender, she was right about the weight." 

"So none of you got close to the time?" Rafael asked. He was sitting next to Olivia on the bed.

"We thought he might have been born during the day." Amanda said softly. She was still rocking Nate.

"What's his name?" Carisi asked

"Nate Santiago Barba" Rafael answered

Fin's eyes widened at the use of only Barba's surname but said nothing. "We should get out of ya hair. We gotta get to the station."

"But I didn't get to hold him" Carisi whined.

"He's not going anywhere Carisi and you need to get to work." Fin pulled him towards the door.

"I'm just gonna leave this little guy" Amanda gently put Nate back in Olivia's arms. "Gah I just wanna... I need to get to work. I'll be back later. Bye bean."

"Should we be worried that Rollins would break in and steal him?" Rafael joked.

"Yes" Amanda called out as she walked away.

"Can you blame her? Even though he looks like you, he is cute."

Rafael frowned at her backhanded compliment.

"See, it's the same face" Olivia pointed out.

xxx

"Mommy!" Noah ran into the room. Olivia put a finger to her lips. "Mommy" he said in a hushed tone.

"Hi sweet boy." She opened up her arms and Noah climbed on the bed with Rafael's help. "I missed you."

"I missed you too." He said distractedly as he looked over at Nate. "That's bean? He's small. How are we supposed to play together when he's so small?"

"He'll grow _nieto_ ," Lucia chuckled.

"You want to hold him?" Olivia asked.

Noah shook his head and buried himself more into Olivia's arms. "I don't wanna."

"That's okay Noah" Olivia rubbed his back. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"Can I hold him?" Lucia asked

"Of course. You didn't need to ask Lucia"

Lucia scooped up the baby. "Oh he looks so much like Rafi when he was born."

"Told you" Olivia said with a sing song voice.

"He looks nothing like me" Rafael protested.

"Mommy guess what?" Noah turned to Olivia, "Miss Lucia said I can call her _abuelita_ if I want to. But she said I have to ask you first. So can I? I want an _abuelita_. Bean has one."

Olivia looked up at Lucia, she seemed unsure. "You can call her _abuelita_ , Noah. I think that would make both of you very happy." She smiled at Lucia, "did you have a good time with _abuelita_?"

"We made _pastelitos_. And I got to stay awake till almost 11." Noah bounced on Olivia's lap.

"Easy sweet boy" she said trying to hide her wince.

"Sorry." He looked at Nate still in Lucia's arms. "Why is bean still sleeping?"

"That's how he's going to grow."

"You two picked a name?" Lucia asked as she bounced Nate slowly.

"Nate Santiago Barba"

"Like Santiago de Cuba?" Lucia asked

"Yes"

"My parents were from there," Lucia said fondly.

"I know. That's kinda why I chose it."

Hey, it starts with a N like me" Noah pointed out. "That's cool."

"You want to look at him _nieto_?"

Noah sat up slightly as Lucia lowered her arms. "He looks squishy" Noah giggled. A corner of Nate's mouth twitched in a smirk. "He smiled at me" 

Rafael grinned, "I guess you're really special _mijo_. That's the first time he smiled."

"Tell me that isn't your smirk?" Olivia said to Rafael.

xxx

Olivia looked up at the soft knock. "Hope I'm not disturbing," Dodds said as he entered the room. "Your squad mentioned that you had your baby last night."

"Did they also tell you that you were wrong about the gender?"

"Rollins and Tutuola were all too happy to gloat that they guessed the right gender." He looked around the room, "speaking of, where is the baby?"

"They took him for some screening. A nurse should be bringing him back soon."

Right on cue a nurse pushed in an empty bassinet. "Everything turned out perfect. Daddy just wanted to carry him," she answered before Olivia formed her questions. "Remember, don't hesistate to call for anything." She stepped aside so Rafael could enter.

Dodds looked between the baby in Rafael's arms and Olivia. "You... Barba..." He pointed to both of them, eyes wide. "You two...did... You never disclosed. How long..."

"Is he overheating?" Rafael joked

"I think we broke him."

Dodds blinked several times. "Let me just leave you two and your new bundle of joy. I - I have a phone call to make."

"Think he's okay?" Rafael whispered to Olivia when Dodds left.

"I just think the shock of it all." She looked over at Nate. "Was Nate okay?"

"He fussed for a bit, but he quieted on the walk back here."

"Sergeant Tutuola, you forgot to inform me of a piece of vital information." Dodds said when he got to the elevator.

"I did?"

"The baby's father is Barba."

Fin chuckled nervously. "I thought you forgot about that. We said it so long ago, and he moved away."

"I will never forget that you owe me $1000." He stepped into the empty elevator.

"Chief I..."

"I told you they would be together before the year ends, you said next year."

"Yeah, but, chief..."

"I'm passing by your station in a few hours. Get my money by then."

xxx

"It's an actual baby" Rita said slowly as she walked into the room. 

"What were you expecting?" Rafael asked

"I honestly don't know. I don't know what you get in these situations, so here's a year long coffee subscription until junior here starts sleeping through the night."

"He has a name Rita. It's Nate."

She peeped in at Nate. "Benson jr. is pretty cute. You guys did good, even though he looks nothing like you Barba."

"Told you."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "How can both of you not see it? Look at face."

"I am looking Benson, and it's a no for me. Junior looks like you."

"Thank you Rita" Rafael said, "she's been trying to convince me all day that Nate looks like me."

Rita jumped slightly at Nate's sudden cry. "That is my cue to leave. Can I talk to you for a minute Barba?"

Rafael joined her outside. "What's wrong?"

"That few weeks you started asking for in the elevator, I can't promise you that. I can just try to be lenient with your hours for a few months."

"Thanks Rita."

Nate's cries got louder before Olivia shushed him gently. "Kid's got a set of lungs," Rita pointed out with a small wince. She patted his shoulder. "Get back in there, I'll text you when I need you."

"Bye Rita."

"Make sure he goes to Harvard" Rita said before walking off.

______

"I can't wait to take a shower in my own bathroom." Olivia mumbled as she brushed her hair. "Are you getting him in okay?"

Rafael bit his lip. "I think so. Is his head supposed to be like that?"

Olivia came around on the other side of the bed. "You have to adjust the straps a bit Rafa." She fixed the straps of the carseat and Nate barely budged. 

"Think he's always going to be this peaceful?"

"One way to find out." She put the brush into her bag. "You ready to get outta here?"

"Very much so" he lifted Nate's carseat off the bed. "Let's head home."


	22. Chapter 22

Olivia's eyes opened when she heard the wail - her new alarm clock for the past four days. She didn't want Nate to wake up everybody, so she quickly picked him out of the bassinet. 

"What's wrong bean?" She mumbled

"If he just needs a diaper change, you can go back to sleep." Rafael mumbled sleepily.

Olivia smiled sympathetically. "I was hoping you would be able to sleep. Now we're both awake."

"Let's hope Noah stays asleep."

An hour had passed with Nate's cries only becoming louder, when the bedroom door was thrown open.

"Why is bean crying?" Noah grumbled, rubbing his eyes. "Doesn't he like it here?"

Olivia's heart broke when she saw the time. It was a little after two in the morning. Noah shouldn't be awake.

"He's just adjusting" Rafael explained

"He's justing too loud. Me and Eddie can't sleep."

"I'm sorry Noah" Olivia was still trying to soothe a screaming Nate.

"Let me take you back to bed _mijo_."

Noah stretched his arms up to Rafael

"He's too big to be carried." But Olivia's protest fell on deaf ears as Rafael scooped up Noah to take him back to bed.

"C'mon Nate, what's wrong?" Olivia transferred him to her shoulder as she stood up from bed slowly. "You have a clean diaper. I fed you. Burped you"

Nate continued to scream bloody murder as Olivia paced and bounced him slowly. "Don't you want to sleep bean? Cause I know mommy's tired. And so is your _papi_."

Olivia was close to pulling her hair out when Rafael finally came back in the room. "I gave Noah a pair of noise cancelling headphones. He's out like a light."

"I don't know what else to do. He should be asleep. Noah needs to be able to sleep without headphones. Why is he still crying?"

"Let me take him" Rafael was already slowly pulling Nate away. 

"I don't think it would help"

"Well you've been trying for the past hour. Your arms need a break."

Rafael bounced slowly as he sang softly in Spanish. Olivia didn't know whether to scream in frustration or joy when Nate's screams quieted to cries.

"Alright _hombrecito_ , time for you to sleep." Rafael stopped his bouncing when he saw Nate's eyes closing. He waited a few minutes before gently laying Nate in the bassinet. He sent up a silent thank you when Nate continued to sleep.

Olivia flopped in bed as tears started flowing down her cheeks. Why could Rafael get Nate to sleep in less than 5 minutes and she couldn't in all the time she had been trying to comfort him? She was his mother. This was her nature.

"Think he's out for now." Rafael turned and saw Olivia crying. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing" she murmured through her tears. "I'm just tired." She turned on her side, bringing her knees to her chest.

Olivia felt like she had just closed her eyes when she heard Nate whimper. She cracked open an eye to see Rafael standing up with him.

"I heard him fussing. I thought he needed a clean diaper, but I think he's hungry."

Olivia pushed herself up. "Hand him over. You can get some rest if you want. No sense both of us being awake when he only needs me now." She already unbuttoned her shirt when Rafael gave her Nate.

"Rita also texted. She wants me to come in tomorrow for a bit to look over case files."

"Great" Olivia said sarcastically. She let out a small hiss when Nate finally started suckling. 

"I can stay home. Maybe just video conference with Rita."

"Just get to sleep so you can get to work." Olivia rolled her eyes. "It's not like you can help me feed him right now."

Rafael nodded as he climbed into bed. "You can wake me up if he doesn't go back to sleep easily after."

"Yes because I can't put my own son to sleep."

"I'm not saying that Olivia" he sighed.

"Just go to bed Rafael" Olivia snapped

"Liv, I never meant to imply that. I just want to give a chance to rest."

"Can you just go to sleep?" Olivia bit over her shoulder. "I'll call you if I need you."

xxx

Rafael woke up to an empty bed. He glanced into the bassinet and saw it was empty too. _Did Liv ever come back to bed_?

He checked the time. It was almost 7, Noah would be up soon. He promised Rita he would be there at 9. He needed to get Olivia back in bed.

Rafael padded quietly out to the living room. Olivia was slouched slightly on the couch, her feet resting on the coffee table and Nate was curled on her chest. "You didn't wake me up." He said softly, "did he go back to sleep okay?"

Olivia's eyes were half open and looking at the tv even though it was off. "When he does I'll let you know" she whispered in a monotone voice.

Rafael came around on her other side and sure enough Nate's eyes were open.

"I tried to put him down and he woke back up. Then I tried again and that didn't work, I didn't want Noah to wake up again so I held him, thinking he would sleep eventually. I was too scared to put him down, incase he started crying again." Olivia continued staring at the tv with hooded eyes. "I think he likes looking at the sky."

"Let me just..." Rafael picked up Nate from Olivia's chest and gently placed him in the swing, that his mother bought. He pressed the power button and Nate was lulled to sleep by the gentle rocking. "I figured out that he likes this yesterday" Rafael said carefully.

"And I didn't." Olivia got off the couch and roughly wiped her eyes as she passed Rafael.

"Liv, don't go."

"I need sleep Rafael." She was almost to her bedroom when Noah came out of his room. 

"G'morning mommy" he mumbled sleepily as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

Olivia plastered on a fake smile and hugged him back. "Good morning sweet boy. I'm sorry you had a rough night."

"It's okay. Rafa helped me sleep." He squeezed her tightly before letting go. "Can I get cereal for breakfast?"

"Sure" Olivia turned and started toward the kitchen. "What kind of cereal do you want?"

"Liv, I can get Noah's breakfast. You go rest." Rafael urged. He was already making his way to the kitchen to get the coffee maker started.

"I can get my son breakfast Rafael." Olivia said through clenched teeth as she grabbed a bowl.

He held up his hands in surrender. "Okay, okay. Do you want some coffee?"

"You were there when they advised I stay away from coffee until Nate gets a bit older. You were standing right there."

"I'm sorry. I forgot."

"Can I get cheerios?" Noah asked meekly.

"Sure" Olivia pulled down the box before opening the fridge.

"Liv, maybe you need a nap"

"It's cereal Barba, not brain surgery."

"Liv" he placed a hand on her arm. "You're pouring orange juice in a bowl."

Olivia looked down, the bowl was almost filled with orange juice. "Shoot."

"I can drink it" Noah piped up, "I always wanted to drink juice from a bowl."

"No Noah. You drink juice from a cup" Olivia made quick work of pouring the juice into a cup. She gave Noah the cup. "I'll get you your cheerios" she yawned.

Noah's brows furrowed when he saw his mother pick up the box of coco puffs. "Mo-"

Rafael quickly shook his head. "Just eat the cereal _mijo_."

Olivia's next yawn caused her eyes to spring tears. "Here's your cereal." She pushed the bowl in front of Noah. "Remember Lucy is going to pick you up from school"

"Okay" Noah put a spoonful of dry cereal in his mouth. Olivia forgot to pour milk and Rafael had told him not to say anything.

"Do you want me to make you something to eat Liv?"

"I just want to sleep" she whispered. "If Nate wakes up just-" Olivia's sentence was cut off by Nate crying. Noah dropped the spoon and covered his ears. "Nevermind. He's hungry" she moved to take Nate out of the swing

xxx

"Can you give me a minute?" Rafael asked Rita, his phone was buzzing with an incoming call from Oliviafor the second time in 5 minutes.

"Sure you go ahead. Maybe junior needs more diapers" Rita joked walking out of his office.

Rafael shook his head as he answered his phone. "Liv? What's wrong?"

"I don't know." He could hear Nate crying in the background.

"Olivia talk to me."

"Nate won't stop crying and I... I tried everything" Olivia was still trying to settle Nate. "I don't know what else to do. There's spit up in my hair and pee on my shirt. He peed on me Rafael."

"Did you try the swing?"

"Of course I tried the damn swing" Olivia snarled. "You think I would have call you if I didn't try the swing."

"Just stay calm for a minute"

"Stay calm?! I'm sure the neighbours are going to call child services soon because he's been crying for almost an hour." Olivia switched Nate to her other arm. "I don't know how he's still crying. I tried feeding him but he starts back minutes after I stop. I can't keep feeding him forever. My boobs are so sore." 

"What do you need me to do?"

"Just come home Rafa. Please"

xxx

Rafael came home to see Olivia on the couch. Nate was no longer crying but he was still fussy in her arms.

"Where have you been?" Olivia looked up at him with red eyes and he wasn't sure if it was from unshed tears or tiredness.

"There was traffic and I had to hand off the case to Rita." He stripped off his coat and suit jacket. "Let me take him" he loosened his tie.

Olivia practically threw Nate into his arms. As she expected Nate stopped crying once he was situated in his father's arms and Rafael started singing softly in Spanish.

"I need a shower" Olivia whispered.

"Olivia..."

"Can I just get a shower? Please, I..." Olivia was embarassed that she was almost in tears.

"Go ahead."

She was almost to the bathroom when Nate started crying again.

Rafael hated to say it but, "I think he's hungry."

Olivia sighed and hung her head. She unbuttoned the top of her shirt. "Come here bean"

Rafael let Olivia take Nate. "I'll get you something to eat." He went into the kitchen and saw a sandwich already half made. _How long has that been there?_

Rafael decided to just make a new sandwich. "Is a turkey sandwich okay?"

"It's fine" Olivia fought to keep her voice steady. He could hear the emotion in her voice, but he wanted to get her something to eat first.

The quiet sobs broke his heart and he quickly put together the sandwich before going back to the couch.

"Olivia," Rafael put down the plate on the coffee table and sat next to it, "what's wrong?"

Olivia roughly wiped her tears. "I'm fine. Everything's okay."

"You're not fine Olivia." he placed a hand on her arm. "Talk to me."

Olivia could feel her walls crumbling as Rafael continued to look at her intently. "It's just hard. I - I never had to take care of a newborn. Breastfeeding is hard...and it's exhausting. My boobs keep leaking. And I can't get Nate to stop crying. He never stops crying for me, it's like I'm some stranger. I carried him for nine months but since we came home 4 days ago all he does is cry when I hold him."

"Remember what you used to tell me when I first met Noah? They can sense if you're too nervous or scared"

Olivia gave a small laugh, "you held him like he was a bomb"

"I did" Rafael laughed, "and you helped me through that and now me and Noah are thick as thieves. I've held him about a million times." Rafael swallowed, he had to say this part gently. "Livia, maybe, just maybe, you're putting too much pressure on yourself. Nate can probably sense that you're stressed and tired. You don't have to be superwoman all on your own, I'm here." He cupped her cheek. "I'm here Liv. Rita gave me the afternoon and tomorrow morning off. You can take a shower, a nap, get something to eat."

Olivia leaned into his hand and he brushed away the tears by his thumb. She was about to respond when her stomach growled.

"When was the last time you ate Livia?"

"I tried to eat when I thought Nate was sleeping. I think maybe yesterday was the last time. I was going to make a sandwich."

"I saw it" Rafael gave a soft smile as he watched Olivia, she looked just about ready to fall asleep in his hand. "So how do you want to play this? Shower, food then bed? Bed, food then shower? Or food, shower then bed? Anyway you want, I'm here."

"A shower does sound like heaven. The spit up in my hair kinda dripped down my back." she looked down at Nate, "I think he's finished."

"Lemme burp him" Rafael offered, "go get your shower."

"I can't find a burp cloth," Olivia handed over Nate. "I promise I'll be quick."

"No. You will take as long as you need," Rafael found a cloth on the couch arm. " Because I know you probably haven't slept since Nate woke us up at 1 and you only got about two hours before that." Olivia was still watching Nate. "Liv, go take a shower."

"Are you sure? I can just burp him."

"Liv. Shower." He kissed her forehead. "I love you _cariño_ , but you're starting to smell." He teased.

Olivia gave a tired smirk. "You'll call me if something happens?"

"We will both be here waiting when you finish your shower."

Olivia got off the couch slowly and made her way to the bathroom, throwing looks back at Nate and Rafael with every step.

"Go" Rafael urged as he continued patting Nate's back.

Olivia left the bathroom door open incase Rafael needed her. She turned on the water as hot as she could manage as she took off her clothes. It was a shower. A quick 5 minute shower, maybe 2 minutes running some water through her hair.

Olivia stepped into the shower and almost moaned at the feeling of the hot water. Maybe a 6 minute shower.

xxx

Olivia stepped out of the shower, she wasn't sure how much time had passed. She had just got caught up in peace and quiet of the shower.

"He fell asleep, I put him in the swing" Rafael stepped into the open bathroom.

"Rafael" Olivia wanted to scream, but was scared she would wake up Nate.

Rafael's mouth ran dry as he looked at Olivia. "I'm sorry." She was still dripping wet. The water from her hair was running down. His eyes were drawn to her exposed chest. "I..."

Olivia grabbed a towel and tried to cover her body. "Get out." He was still staring at her. "Now Rafael."

"R-right. You should get wet. Dried! I mean dried" He quickly ran out the room and gently closed the door.

Rafael pressed himself against the wall outside the bathroom. What had he done? He needed to get his head back on the right track. He tried to literally shake it out of his head. "Those feed Nate," he mumbled.

The door to the bathroom opened. "Rafa? What are you doing?" Olivia tightened the towel around her body.

"I-I just wanted to say sorry for staring."

"That's okay."

"G-good." Rafael nodded. Olivia's hair was still damp.

Olivia's eyes shifted from Rafael to the bedroom door then back again. "I need to get dressed." She gestured towards the door.

"Right." He stepped aside. "I'll go get you a glass of juice. Maybe some chips to go with your sandwich."

"Thanks" Olivia stepped inside the bedroom, he was still staring. "I'm closing the door now" she announced before pushing it, only leaving a small crack.

Rafael walked back to the kitchen. He could do this, he had an amazing sense of self control. Hell, he controlled himself in fromt of her for years. So what, he saw her completely naked and...dripping wet. 

Rafael poured himself a glass of juice. He could do this. They would just talk about this later after everything had passed. He could feel himself finally calming down.

He glanced at the time. What was taking Olivia so long? He should check on her. Rafael knocked on the bedroom door. "Liv?" He heard a noise and took that as a yes to come in.

"Hey Liv, are you ready for your sandwich." Rafael said softly. "Do you want something more?" He stopped when he noticed the blinds and curtains were pulled tight. Olivia was sprawled in the center of the bed and snoring loudly. 

Rafael chuckled, he hoped Nate would sleep for at least two hours, so Olivia could get a little sleep. He pulled a blanket from the hall closet and tossed it over her back. "Sleep tight _amor_ " he pressed a kiss to the side of her head.


	23. Chapter 23

"Thanksgiving Rafi" Lucia said as he answered her call.

"When is that?" Rafael yawned

"2 days. You can come around 4:30"

" _Mami_ , I can't come this year. With everything going on." He tried to think of what to say. It was only 6 in the morning.

"I can either bring it to you or you come here." Lucia argued back.

" _Mami_ " Rafael leaned down to rest his head on the counter. "It's just a day."

"Rafi we always spent Thanksgiving together. This is your first one with a family outside of me. It's important. I can see _mis nietos_ again. Is Noah doing okay in school?"

"He's fine. But _mami_ , do we have to do thanksgiving this year?"

"Yes Rafi. Olivia can even invite her family"

Rafael sighed. The squad loved nothing more than free food. "I know you won't mind if there's another child. But what are we going to do with Nate?"

"That swing I gave you is portable. And I told you to get one of those cots. _Cabeza dura._ "

"We never had a reason to leave home for long hours with him." Rafael yawned, "I'll talk to Liv."

"Good. Let me know if anyone has any allergies."

"What do you know about breast pumps?" Rafael asked suddenly.

"What?" Lucia wasn't sure she heard her son correctly. "Did you just ask me about breast pumps?"

Rafael rubbed his forehead. "Liv wants to breastfeed and Nate wakes up every 2 hours for a feeding. She can't live like that. If we get a pump, then I could do the feedings sometimes and she could get more than 2 hour sleep stretches."

"Oh. Does Olivia have a preference?"

"I don't know"

"Did she ask you to get her one?"

"No. But I think she needs one"

"I think you should talk to Olivia first. How many extra people am I cooking for?"

"3." Rafael heard Nate's cries. " _Mami_ , Nate's up."

"Go ahead. I'm going to start prepping."

Rafael ran to the bedroom, hoping that Nate just needed a diaper change. By the time he opened the door, Olivia was already getting out of bed to pick up Nate.

"I'm sorry. I really thought I could let you get some sleep."

"It's okay. I think he needs a clean diaper first." Olivia walked out into the hallway. Rafael watched from the doorway as she laid him on the changing table, whispering to Nate as she tried to keep his legs steady to work on a new diaper. There was a ray of light coming from somewhere and hitting the two of them just right. It made it almost impossible for him to look away.

"You're staring and I probably look like a hot mess" Olivia mumbled.

"You look beautiful. This 2 day old sweatshirt and unwashed hair suits you." He walked over and kissed her cheek.

"Idiot" Olivia laughed. She picked up Nate, "let's get you fed then you can go back to sleep."

xxx

Rafael handed Olivia a wet rag to wipe her hair. "I'm sorry"

"I understand the spit up" Olivia said as she tried to clean her hair, "what I can't understand is how it always gets into my hair." 

"And he's sleeping peacefully as if nothing has happened." They glanced at Nate sleeping peacfully in his swing.

"Joys of being a baby. Eat, sleep, poop, cry then repeat" Olivia put down the rag, "all gone?"

"I think so" he sat next to her on the couch. "So _mami_ wants all of us to come over for thanksgiving, the whole gang."

"When is thanksgiving?"

"2 days"

Olivia's eyes widened. "2 days? I thought it was next week. Your mom is willing to cook for all of us?"

"She's been dying for people to cook for. She is going to love every minute of it and all the compliments she's going to get after."

"Alright" Olivia leaned back on the couch, too tired to put anymore thought into it. "I'm thinking of cutting my hair–"

"–I want to buy a breast pump" Both Rafael and Olivia spoke at the same time.

"I must be really sleep deprived." Olivia sat up. "Did you just say you want to get a breast pump?"

"I did. I was talking with _mami_ –"

"You talked to your mother about this?" Olivia was sure her eyes were the size of saucers. "Wh-when did this... Why did this happen?" She was so confused.

"I just want you to get some sleep. He's my son so I could say this, but, Nate is the greediest baby I have ever met."

Olivia threw back her head in a laugh.

"Honestly Liv, half hour feedings every 2 hours seems alot for somebody that young. I know he's probably going to be an over achiever, but not like this." He rubbed her thigh. "I want you to be able to get some sleep. If you pump then I can feed Nate sometimes and you can get some sleep. I don't want you to burn out before Nate even turns a month old."

Olivia rested her head on his shoulder. "Thank you Rafa. I just-" she yawned loudly. "Sorry."

"It's okay. You want to look online for some?"

"Sure," Olivia nuzzled his shoulder slightly as Rafael reached for his laptop. 

"I guess we can check amazon first" By the time he opened the laptop, he could feel Olivia's soft breathing on his neck. "Liv?" He whispered. Rafael looked at her reflection on the screen. She was out like a light. He leaned back on the couch, it may not be the most comfortable place but he was going to let Olivia rest where she can.

______

"This could work right?" Olivia asked, turning around to look at Rafael.

"Kinda hard to tell while you're still feeding Nate."

"Ehh, this would work. It hides the possible milk stains." She looked down at Nate. "We're almost done, can you make sure Noah's ready."

Rafael nodded, "Noah?! You ready _amigo_?" He pushed open Noah's room door. He cocked his head at the sight of him trying to tie a tie. "What's going on here?"

"I'm tryna get dressed" Noah stuck out his tongue. "I can't get it"

Rafael chuckled. "Don't worry _mijo_. I think you're a bit overdressed for dinner at _abuelita_ 's."

"Then what should I wear? I gotta look nice"

"I think a sweater would be just fine. Let's get you dressed."

"Are you guys ready?" Olivia asked

"Give us a minute" Rafael called back. "We have to hurry _mijo_ , or else your _mami_ and bean would get really cranky."

xxx

"Rafi you made it. Your friend is here already helping in the kitchen." Rafael kissed his mother's cheek as she spoke.

"Which friend?" Rafael asked.

"Hi _abuelita_ " Noah grinned.

" _Hola nieto_ " she hugged the small boy. "He said to call him Sonny" Lucia told Rafael.

Olivia trudged up behind Noah holding Nate's carseat. "Thank you for doing this Lucia, I didn't even remember it was Thanksgiving."

"I can never forget that feeling. You can relax on the couch until dinner in an hour."

"I can help in the kitchen if you need" Olivia offered.

"You just relax _querida_. Rafi will help me" Lucia gave Rafael a pointed look.

Rafael rolled his eyes before dropping the diaper bag on the couch.

"A friend of mine got me a cot that you could put Nate in" Lucia said as she gestured in the corner of the living room.

"A friend of yours gave you a brand new cot?" Rafael raised an eyebrow.

"I may have bragged to a couple of my church friends that I got two grandsons because you finally _sacó tu cabeza de tu culo_." Lucia shrugged.

" _Mami_ " Rafael whined. "Why are you telling your church friends about my love life?"

"Because they had single children and I wanted grandchildren"

Olivia chuckled as she watched mother and son argue back and forth. "Alright bean" she took Nate out of his car seat and put him in the cot, "looks like you have a place to sleep at _abuelita_ 's."

"Do I have a place to sleep too?" Noah asked shyly.

"Of course _nieto_. You get to sleep in the bedroom next to mine anytime your _mami_ lets you sleepover." Lucia smiled at Noah before pulling Rafael's arm. "Help with the final touches on dinner and give your friend a rest."

"Alright bean, no crying okay. Be good for _abuelita_ and your aunty and uncles." The only inclination Nate gave that he heard her was unclenching his tiny fists at his side. "Noah you can take out your crayons and color until dinner's ready" she was just about to sit down when there was a knock at the door.

"Liv you can get the door" Rafael called out.

Olivia made sure that Noah was entertained coloring before going to open the door.

"We brought the booze" Fin announced as he walked into the apartment. "Sorry Liv." He winced in her direction.

"It's fine."

"You look like you've seen better days" Amanda commented.

"I probably have" Olivia was regretting her decision to not wear makeup. She realized Noah had followed her to the door.

"Noah, do you want to show Jesse your baby brother?"

"Not really. We can color" he took Jesse's hand and ran back to the couch.

"What was that?" Amanda asked hanging up her and Jesse's coats.

"He has yet to get within three feet of Nate. I don't know how else to gently nudge him in that direction." Olivia collapsed on the far end of the couch.

"He'll come around" Amanda went around the couch to see Nate sleeping in his cot. "There's my bean" she cooed. "God, I really could just steal you"

"We might not stop you." Amanda raised an eyebrow and turned in Olivia's direction. "Since he's been born I have not slept for more than 2 hours at a time."

"Barba doesn't do diapers?"

"I'm the milkmachine" Olivia sighed. "The pump we ordered should be here tomorrow, so then I could get some more sleep."

Amanda gave her a sympathetic smile. "He might start sleeping longer soon." She turned back to Nate. "But this squish is welcome at my house anytime. Hey Liv?" Amanda turned when there was silence, she saw Olivia with her eyes closed. "Poor thing" she sat down on the couch and Olivia's eyes flew open.

"I'm awake. I swear"

"Get some shut eye Liv, I'll wake you up when dinner's ready"

"Thanks" Olivia muttered before closing her eyes again.

xxx

"Dinner's ready" Lucia called out.

"Liv" Amanda nudged her friend gently. 

"What?" Olivia rubbed her eyes as she opened them.

"Time to eat"

"Alright." She sat up, "Noah put away your coloring book. It's time for dinner."

"Already?"

"Yep. Now come on, we don't want to keep _abuelita_ waiting" Olivia got off the couch, sparing one last look at Nate to make sure he was still sleeping.

"I've never had so many men help me in the kitchen." Lucia commented as she and Fin brought dishes to the table.

"Anything for you miss B." Fin said before sitting down

"I don't like how Carisi and Fin are around mami" Rafael whispered, glaring at the two men.

"What? They were just being helpful" Olivia whispered back as they sat down.

"They were being too helpful and touchy. Carisi touched her shoulder"

"Just relax Rafa" Olivia rubbed his thigh, "and enjoy dinner."

Carisi was just about to start sharing his food when Lucia cleared her throat.

"We say grace Dominick"

Carisi blushed a deep shade of red. "Yes ma'am" he bowed his head.

Amanda and Fin fought back snickers as Lucia prayed. Carisi glared at them when the prayer ended.

"Rafi" Lucia said when he reached for the knife to cut the turkey.

"But _mami_ "

"Don't make me use your full name in front of your friends"

"Fine" he dropped the knife and raised his glass. "I think I speak for everyone at this table when I say we're thankful for family," he looked at Olivia at his side. "Love," he squeezed her hand tightly and she leaned in to his side. "And good food. Can we eat now?"

"Go on."

Olivia didn't know who attacked the food faster – Rafael or Carisi. She made sure Noah's food was the right size as Rafael shared her food. "This smells amazing Lucia" she said as she picked up her fork.

"Thank you _querida._ "

Dinner was interrupted by the sound of Nate crying. 

"Kid has a set of lungs" Fin mumbled.

Olivia gave a small smile. "I'm sorry. He's probably hungry. I tried to feed him before we left. Lemme just..." She got up.

Nate quieted a bit when she picked him up. "Just a second bean" Olivia whispered as she adjusted her top. He latched on immediately as if he hadn't eaten in days. "Your _papi_ 's right. You are a little greedy."

10 minutes passed and Rafael glanced at Olivia's barely touched dinner and sighed.

"Did you ever talk to Olivia?" Lucia asked.

"It would be here tomorrow" he grabbed her plate, "I should just put this in the microwave. It's going to be cold by the time she gets back."

"Wait a sec" Fin got up and went to the living room.

"Babygirl" Fin said, "if you're hungry you can eat at the table. We won't judge, I mean Carisi might get a lil red round the ears, but, do you Liv."

Olivia didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "Thank you. I'm just gonna..." She grabbed a cloth out of the baby bag before switching Nate to her non dominant side. 

Rafael pulled out her chair when she got back to the table. Olivia was suprised that none of them seemed fazed as she continued to nurse Nate at the table. She handed the cloth to Rafael. "You burp him?"

"Of course"

Olivia nodded before diving back into her food. She really was hungry.

xxx

The dishes from dinner had been washed, leftovers were packed away and everyone was relaxing on the couch.

"Lemme just get bean" Amanda whispered.

"Manda" Carisi whined. "I never got to hold him"

"That's because you move too slow"

"Or you're just a baby hogger"

"Hey kids. No fighting" Rafael teased.

"Amanda, let Sonny get a chance"

Sonny grinned as he picked up Nate. "Hey Nate, we finally got a chance to meet."

"You wanna give me a tour?" Olivia whispered, cocking her head out of the living room.

Rafael grinned before taking her hand and jumping off the couch.

"This is a nice place your mom has" she commented.

"Yeah, the two bedroom she raised me in was a shoebox. My first paycheck as ADA went as a downpayment for this place."

Olivia pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Ypu really are a good son."

"I know" he pushed open a room door. "I guess this is Noah's room." It already had a few things dedicated to the small boy.

"I guess we have to let him sleep over soon"

"Most definitely. Or one of them will explode."

Olivia chuckled. "It might probably be Noah first."

Rafael looked around "You know, we're alone" he kissed Olivia softly.

"I know" she touched the hem of his shirt

"We could do something that we haven't done in a while"

Olivia pressed her body against his. "I think I like your thinking Rafa"

Rafael leaned back on the bed, pulling Olivia with him. "And this is a nice bed."

"A very nice bed" she mumbled, "no one will notice"

xxx

"What did you do?" Amanda whispered as Nate started whining.

"I didn't do anything" Carisi said frantically as he started rocking from side to side. He patted Nate's bottom. "He feels dry." Nate rubbed his face against his shirt. "The kid's smelling me. He knows I'm not his parents"

"Well you better find them before he starts crying. He never cried with me"

"Shut up" Carisi whispered as he set off to find Olivia and Rafael.

"Where's mama and dada?" Carisi crooned at Nate. He rounded the corner and saw Olivia and Rafael cuddled up on the bed – fast asleep. "They're busy" he whispered. Nate started wriggling in his uncle's arm as his whines became louder. "Maybe somebody else could help." 

He went back to the living room. "Anybody good with a fussy baby Barba? Liv and Barba are sleeping"

"Give 'im here" Fin stretched out his hands. "What's up lil man?" He held Nate close to his chest. "I know, Carisi smells like old cannolis. I don't like that smell neither. Don't worry uncle Fin's gotchu." he whispered as Nate settled on Fin's chest.

Amanda and Carisi gaped at him. "What the hell was that?"

"What?" Fin grinned. "I got a soothing voice."


	24. Chapter 24

" _Mami_ we're not doing a big Christmas celebration." Rafael said as he put a bottle to warm for Nate. Why was his mother always trying to rope him into big holiday celebrations?

"It's _mi nieto_ 's first Christmas." Lucia argued.

"Exactly. He's barely over a month old. He'll never remember this."

"Rafi," Lucia sighed. "Give the phone to Olivia. Men never understand the important things."

"Liv's sleeping _mami_. _Tu nieto_ kept us up half of the night. I'm letting her get some rest before I take Noah to see Santa."

"What's wrong?"

"He didn't like it when we put him down to sleep, so he decided to protest." Rafael sighed. "He's gonna be a singer or a swimmer with lungs like that." he paused remembering the way that Nate would kick. "Nope, definitely a swimmer." He took out the bottle and tested the milk on the back of his hand.

"The poor thing."

"Uncle Rafa" Noah whispered. "Bean's awake."

" _Mami_ , I gotta go before Nate wakes up Liv."

"I will come over soon" Lucia said. Rafael gave a hum in response before hanging up. He raced over with Nate's bottle and quickly picked him up.

"Alright _niño_ " he said as Nate started fussing. "I have your food." Rafael sat on the couch and gave Nate his bottle.

"Rafa, how come bean always cries?" Noah asked

"He can't talk yet _mijo_ , so he's trying to tell us what's wrong the best way he can."

Rafael looked at Noah. He was still staring at Nate with curious eyes. "Do you want to feed him?"

Noah moved closer. "Can I?"

"Yeah. Come sit here" Rafael patted the space next to him.

Noah sat down gingerly next to Rafael. "Now just hold the bottle?"

"No. You hold Nate."

"I can't Rafa" Noah rapidly shook his head. "He could fall and cry."

"I'll help you. Just curve your arms like me." Rafael watched as he did it slowly. "I'm going to put him in your arms now."

Noah was stiff as Rafael slowly put Nate in his arms. "He's going to cry Rafa."

"He's okay, just relax." Rafael wrapped an arm below Noah's own. He held the bottle in Nate's mouth with the other hand. "You're both okay" he reassured Noah.

Rafael watched as Noah took in a shaky breath. Both boys were staring at each other with wide eyes. Noah moved his hand and Nate wrapped his fingers around one of Noah's.

"Rafa, look." Noah gasped. "He's holding my hand."

"I see that"

Noah and Nate continued staring at each other. "This is so cool. I wish mommy could see this."

"She's seeing it." Olivia said softly.

"He's holding my hand mommy" Noah whispered.

"I saw. Lemme just" Olivia reached for her phone. "Smile." Rafael looked up at Olivia with a tired smile but Noah continued to look down at his brother, and to Olivia – it was perfect.

It was also her new screensaver.

"Are you ready to go see Santa?" Olivia asked.

Rafael had to tap Noah's shoulder to get his attention. "Yeah. I have my letter ready in my envelope." 

Rafael had brilliantly convinced him to write Santa a letter, so it would be easier for them to figure out what Noah wanted for Christmas. Olivia was not ashamed to say that she teared up when she ssw that Noah asked Santa to bring gifts for Nate.

Noah and Nate continued watching each other as Nate ate.

"I think Nate's done for now _amigo_ ," Rafael said, taking the mostly empty bottle from Nate's mouth and putting it on the coffee table.

"Okay. Now what?"

"Now, I burp him and you and your _mami_ can go make breakfast." Rafael took Nate from Noah's arms.

"Come on," Olivia cocked her head to the kitchen. "We can make some pancakes."

"Is Nate going to want pancakes too?" 

"No, Noah" Olivia laughed. "He only drinks milk"

"Only milk? Then how does he get full?"

"His stomach is smaller than yours." Olivia could see Noah's eyebrows furrowing in concern. "Don't worry, sweet boy, he's more than okay with just milk."

"Okay," Noah nodded. "I want blueberries in my pancakes"

Olivia grabbed the mix from the cupboard. "Get the blueberries."

"What was that?" Noah turned around at the sound of Nate's burp.

"Your brother burped" Rafael explained as he stood up to rock Nate to sleep. 

Noah burst into a fit of giggles. "He burped loud."

Olivia laughed at Noah's infectious laughter. "Come on silly. Let's make these pancakes so you and Rafa can see Santa before the mall gets too full." Noah's laughter finally subsided and he went to his mother's side.

A few cooked pancakes later and Rafael joined them in the kitchen.

"Nate asleep?"

"Not yet, but he was calm. I put him in the swing he should be alseep any second." Rafael pulled two pancakes on a plate for Noah. "Here you go _mijo_ "

Noah took the plate. "Can I eat next to Nate?"

"Yeah, sure. Just don't touch him with your sticky hands okay." Olivia warned.

Noah nodded before crouching next to the swing. "Hey bean's still awake." He pushed a big bite of pancakes into his mouth. "You know his eyes are almost, kinda like mines. Do you think bean would have curly hair too?"

"I think he might" Olivia leaned across the breakfast bar as Rafael flipped the last few pancakes. "It might not be as curly as yours."

"His fingers are so tiny and chubby" Noah giggled as he took a few more bites.

"Finally seeing his brother in all his glory?" Rafael whispered.

"Yep." Olivia watched Noah's nose crinkle as he took in Nate's features. "Better late than never."

Noah ran into the kitchen with his empty plate as he tried to chew. 

"Where's the fire Noah?" Rafael furrowed his brow as Noah tried to talk around his food. "Take your time"

Noah washed his hand as he swallowed. "I wanna sit by bean before we leave."

"Go on _mijo_ " Rafael walked closer to Olivia and squeezed her waist.

"You two are going to be okay today?" Olivia asked softly as she turned to look at Rafael.

"It's just the mall to see Santa. Absolutely nothing can go wrong. He gives the man the letter, I take a couple of pictures, we buy a pretzel and come home."

Olivia turned when she saw movement by Nate. "What are you doing Noah?"

"His thingy almost fell." Noah gently pushed the pacifier back in Nate's mouth. He sat back on his knees and the two continued to watch each other.

"This probably the longest time he's been awake and quiet." Olivia whispered.

"Who knew the secret was Noah?" Rafael whispered back. "And all they do is stare at each other."

"We've stared at him countless of hours and he chooses to cry still."

"What does he have that we don't?"

Olivia chuckled and placed her head on his shoulder. "I'm just glad he's quiet and Noah's finally warming up to him."

"I'm thinking it's the hair. That's got to be the only thing he has that we don't"

Noah giggled when Nate wrapped a hand around his finger. "He likes holding my hand."

"This is so adorable" Olivia reached for a phone and snapped a couple more pictures.

There was a knock on the door. "Who's that?" Noah asked.

"Can you get the door Rafa?" Olivia asked.

" _Mami_ " Rafael said when he opened the door. "What are you doing here?"

"It's _abuelita_. Look bean, _abuelita_ came to see us." Noah shook Nate's hand gently.

"Oh isn't this the cutest sight." 

"I'll send you the pictures" Olivia said from the kitchen.

"Oh _queirda_ , what are you doing out of bed? Rafi said Nate was fussy last night." Lucia came into the kitchen to give Olivia a hug.

"I'm okay. He seems calm with Noah now."

"I fed bean today." Noah grinned, looking at Lucia.

"Well isn't that nice."

"Plus we're going to see Santa. Mommy can bean come see Santa too?"

"I don't think bean might like that very much." Olivia tried to let Noah down as gentle as possible but his face still fell. "Maybe next year."

"Okay" Noah turned back to Nate. "He fell asleep"

"Maybe you can use this time to get ready and then we can get back before Nate wakes up" Rafael suggested.

"Right. We gotta go see Santa" Noah scrambled off the floor. "I forgot to add something to my letter!" He shouted as he ran down the hall.

"That Nate sleeps through but him back in his bassinet and you just commited a crime" Olivia teased playfully.

"I'm telling you, it's something about Noah."

"You can take a nap Olivia, I'll keep an eye on Nate for you." Lucia offered.

"Thank you, I just need a quick shower. I shouldn't be more than a few minutes. There's milk in the fridge if he wakes up"

"Take all the time you need." Lucia said as Olivia rushed off.

"She's probably going to lose herself in that shower and then fall back asleep" Rafael whispered.

"You look like you need a nap too"

"I have to take Noah to see Santa and I'm fine _mami_. What are you doing here?"

"I came to give a helping hand" Lucia started rinsing Noah's empty plate.

"And?" Rafael knew his mother. There was always an ulterior motive.

"I had something I wanted to talk to you about. Your _abuelita_ 's ring."

" _Mami_ " This wasn't the first time she had come to him with the ring and he was sure it won't be the last. "When I'm ready for it I will let you know."

"You are raising two children with a woman you have clearly loved for years. How much more ready do you need to be?'

"We're not ready yet. Just please. Now I need to get ready to go the mall" he pushed past his mother. "And please don't mention this to Liv"

xxx

"The trick is to rock his bottom half opposite to his top half. It helped Rafi all the time" Lucia said as they watched Nate nap in his swing.

"I'll have to remember that. Sometimes when he starts screaming its so easy to forget."

"It gets better. Pretty soon you miss this stage when he starts talking, or if he's anything like Rafi, then he starts arguing with you."

Olivia laughed. "I think he's going to argue. He already voices his displeasure. Its only a matter of time before he starts using words and not grunts and kicks"

"Let me get you a snack _mija_."

"That's okay Lucia."

Lucia waved her off as she stood up. "I saw how little you ate at breakfast"

The front door was thrown open. "Mommy! We came home!"

Olivia went to the door. "Not so loud Noah, bean's sleeping."

Noah shucked off his coat and gave it to Rafael to hang up before running to the kitchen to greet Lucia.

"Your mother is a lifesaver" Olivia whispered to Rafael as he put up his coat. "She - What the hell happened to your eye?" She asked when he turned around. 

"Rafa got into a fight" Noah said to Lucia at the same time.

"What?" Both women turned to Rafael who was sporting quite the black eye.

He winced under their gaze. "It was just a little altercation."

"A little altercation?" Olivia's eyes bugged. "One of your eyes is swollen shut." She went to the freezer for an ice pack. "What happened Rafa?"

Rafael gratefully took the ice pack. "It was stupid and it only fully shut when we were a block away. I drove us home completely safe."

" _Nieto_ " Lucia turned to Noah, "what happened?"

"It was really cool. Rafa punched this huge guy." Noah was practically vibrating from excitement. "Right in the face." Noah made a punching gesture. "Then the guy's nose started bleeding all over the place."

"You what?!" Olivia turned to Rafael. She gently picked up Nate from his swing when he started fussing.

"Then the guy got mad and he and Rafa started fighting." Noah continued. "Then the elves told us we had to leave but Rafa said it's okay cause that wasn't the real Santa anyway. Rafa's gonna mail the real Santa my letter."

"Rafael" Lucia gasped. " _Te metiste en una pelea_?"

"That's the long and short of it." Rafael hissed slowly as he put the ice pack on his eye.

Nate started whimpering and nuzzling his mother's shirt. "Just a second bean," she unbuttoned her shirt. "I can't believe you just punched a man."

"Well..." He trailed off. "Has Nate been good while we were gone?"

"Don't change the subject." Olivia snapped before getting Nate settled.

Lucia could see Olivia was upset. " _Nieto_ , how about we go check that your letter to Santa has everything."

"Everything's on it" Noah frowned. "I checked it myself"

"Then let's double check it in your room." Lucia led him away from Olivia and Rafael.

"Rafael, I need you to tell me what happened. Right now."

Rafael squirmed. Olivia could be imitating, even when she was currently breastfeeding. "He was waiting in line to see Santa...

_"You want me to wait in line with you Noah?" Rafael asked._

_"Nope" Noah puffed out his chest. "I can do this. I'm a big kid."_

_"Oh, so you're driving us home then?"_

_Noah laughed. "No. You are"_

_"But I thought you were the big kid."_

_"You can sit right there and wait for me." Noah pointed to a bench in clear sight of the line and Santa's workshop._

_"Yes sir." Rafael said with a mock salute. "Remember to give Santa your letter."_

_"I have it right here." Noah held up the red envelope._

_"Well go on niño, I'll be right here."_

_Rafael watched Noah join the line with all the other kids. He took a picture to send to Olivia._

_He still couldn't understand the obsession with letting your children sit on a stranger's lap and whisper in their ear, but, Noah and Olivia were admant about it. So here they were._

_He gave Noah a small wave as he shuffled forward._

_He was checking some emails when movement caught his eye – some boy pushed Noah. Rafael got off the bench and went towards the line._

_"Hey, don't push him." Rafael said gently. The boy looked almost too big to be in this line. "You're so much bigger than he is."_

_"Shut up man. The line's moving and he has to move" he pushed Noah again._

_Noah whimpered slightly and moved closer to Rafael._

_"Listen you little snot faced-"_

_"What do you think you're doing?" Rafael turned to see a large man, glaring down at him._

_"Your son pushed mine. I was just letting him know that's not okay."_

_"You don't talk to my kid." The man argued. "If he did push your son he had good reason."_

_"To push a kid half his size?"_

_"If you're raising your son to be a little priss and not push ahead in life, that is not my fault." The man turned away slightly. "Doesn't even look like yours anyway" he mumbled._

_Rafael's fist clench as he saw red. His mind went blank for a few seconds as his elbow reared back_

"I tried to explain to Noah that fighting is wrong on the ride back," he couldn't read the expression Olivia was giving him. "I'm sorry that I lost my temper in front of Noah."

"You got into a fight"

"I did and I'm sorry. I should have never resorted to violence."

"You said Noah was your son. You got into a fight because a boy pushed **your** son."

"Oh," Rafael's eyes widened. He finally understood Olivia's train of thought. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to overstep. It just happened and I... I'm sorry Liv."

"Don't apologize. I love that you think of Noah as your son."

"Do you think I should talk to Noah about it? I don't want to overwhelm the kid. In about three months I went from uncle Rafa living in Iowa to Rafa, father of his brother, living in the next room.

"Okay" Olivia nodded slowly. "We'll just let him come to us about it." She looked at him wince slightly as he mkved the ice pack. "How hard did that guy hit you?"

"He was at least twice my size and put his body weight into that punch." He saw Olivia's eyes glaze over in worry, "don't worry, I made sure I told Noah loudly in the mall that it wasn't the real Santa."

Olivia laughed, "I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing."

"It was excellent to help a disappointed Noah and terrible for the other children in line. But it's all good. Now tell me how my mother's a lifesaver"

"She got Nate to quiet down in about a minute. I swear, Rafa I almost kissed her."

"Please don't. I don't need that visual"

Olivia chuckled and relaxed a bit on the couch. "Let's do no gifts for each other this year" she suggested.

"Because we already got the greatest gift?" Rafael teased with a smirk.

"Yeah" she breathed. "We did" she leaned over to kiss him softly.

Nate grunted between them and kicked his legs 

"You are one selfish kid."

"We love you too Nate" Olivia stroked his cheek. "Both you and Noah."


	25. Chapter 25

"He's asleep" Olivia whispered as she crawled into bed next to Rafael. 

"I know" he whispered back. "I think he's finally getting a hang of this sleeping at night thing." After almost three months of living, Nate's sleeping stretches were finally 4 hours long.

Olivia yawned. "It's almost like an early birthday gift to me."

Rafael's eyes widened as he remembered the date. The darkness of the room was the only reason Olivia couldn't see his shocked expression.

"Tomorrow, let's just do something small. I don't think I have the energy for anything. I'm sorry if you already had plans." Olivia snuggled deeper into her pillow. "You could do the first feeding right?" She asked with her eyes closed.

"Yes, yes of course."

"Night Raf. Love you." She was asleep before Rafael could form a response.

He sat up. How could he forget her birthday? How could he forget? Olivia was going to wake up tomorrow expecting something and he had nothing. Not even a cupcake. 

Rafael grabbed his phone and went out into the hall. He quickly dialed his mother's number, foot tapping restlessly as he waited for her to answer.

" _Mami_ , I need your help."

"Yes, wake me up at 11 in the night and start asking for things."

" _Lo siento mami_. I just remembered tomorrow is Liv's birthday."

"You just remembered?" Lucia didn't hide her accusatory tone.

"The days are bluring together. Between home and work, I wouldn't even remember my head if it wasn't attached to my body. I don't have a gift. I don't have any plans. _Mami_ I have nothing planned. She's going to hate me for forgetting."

Lucia sighed. "Calm down Rafi, she's not going to hate you. Olivia seems like a simple girl, just call your friends over for a quick get together. Run out and get her favorite cake and ice cream."

"Okay that makes sense. What about a gift? _Mami_ I have to get a gift. She needs to have a gift. The woman carried my child and brought him into the world."

"¿ _Te relajarias_? I'll worry about the gift. You call her friends and let them come over for about 6 tomorrow."

"6 makes sense"

"Get some sleep Rafi, its late"

" _Buenos noches mami_ " he hung up the phone. He wondered if there was a bakery that took requests this late.

xxx

Olivia woke up to an empty room the next morning. "Rafa?" The bassinet was empty. "Rafa?" She sat up and was about to throw off the covers when the door opened.

"Happy birthday mommy!" Noah cheered. He was walking slowly trying to balance the tray with pancakes and fruits. Rafael was behind him carrying a mug, with Nate strapped to his chest.

"We made you breakfast" Noah grinned. "I helped Rafa cut the strawberries. Bean was sleeping the whole time."

Olivia smiled as she took the tray from Noah. "Thank you sweet boy." She kissed his cheek. "You wanna come help me eat these pancakes?"

Noah grinned and ran around the bed to climb up on Rafael's side.

"Happy birthday Liv" Rafael put down her mug on the bedside table before kissing her. Olivia hummed as she stroked his cheek. Nate made a noise between them as he kicked slightly. 

"Sorry bean" Olivia gave him a kiss on his cheek too. "Thank you for this." She whispered to Rafael.

"You deserve it" Rafael gave his trademark half smile

"The pancakes are getting cold" Noah whined.

"Sorry Noah. Let's eat" Olivia patted the bed. "You wanna join us?"

"Me and Nate are going to clean up the kitchen while you two enjoy breakfast."

"There's room for two more" Olivia suggested.

"You guys go ahead. We are going to clean up and then we'll be back" Rafael stood up straight. "Have a good breakfast."

He closed the bedroom door behind him and went to the kitchen and ran through his small checklist. His mother was getting the gift. The squad agreed to come over at 6. Carisi offered to pick up something to eat. Butter pecan ice cream in the freezer. Caramel syrup chilled and waiting. He couldn't get the bakery to ice and decorate the cake on such short notice so he was forced to do it himself.

Rafael picked up the tub of frosting and started smearing it across the top of the cake.

He tilted his head when he was finished, trying to assess his decorating skills. "Alright Nate, think _mami_ 's gonna like this cake?" Nate squirmed and kicked his legs. "I'll take that as a yes."

Nate whined against his father's chest. "I know. I don't have the right parts for you to snuggle with" Rafael bounced a bit, "but you have to give _mami_ a little break today. It's her birthday. Let her eat some cake first."

"Cake? This early in the morning?" Olivia teased as she came into the kitchen. "This is shaping up to be the best birthday yet"

"Cake later" Rafael corrected. "Finished breakfast already?"

"I left Noah to finish it up. Apparently waking up early to make pancakes makes someone very hungry."

"Do you want some more?"

Olivia laid her head on his back. "I'm okay. Are you two having fun?"

"I think someone's mad that I don't have breasts." Rafael bounced Nate gently before turning to face Olivia. "So what do you want to do today?"

"Just a quiet day with my favorite guys. Maybe popcorn and some movies."

"I'll start the pocorn." Nate whimpered loudly from Rafael's chest. "I think you should..." He gestured to Nate, "before he starts a full blown cry"

Olivia took Nate who snuggled into his mother's chest. "I know. _Papi_ doesn't have the right parts to cuddle." She brushed a hand over his curls as she went to sit on the couch.

Noah bounced onto the couch and snuggled into her side. "Rafa said we should let you pick the movie. So do you want to pick The Incredibles?"

Olivia laughed. "Yes. I would want to pick that."

"And then after you can pick Scooby Doo!" Noah cheered. "Can I hold bean?"

Olivia transferred Nate to Noah's arms. He was getting better at holding his brother and Nate was getting better at holding up his head, so it lessened some of her anxiety.

"Hi bean" Noah grinned when Nate looked at him. "Do you think uncle Fin's going to bring us candy again? Maybe this time mommy might let you eat some."

"Uncle Fin is coming?" Olivia raised an eyebrow.

"Yep. Rafa said everybody's coming tonight" he bopped Nate's nose. "When do you think bean's going to talk?"

"Maybe a bit later"

Rafael came to Olivia's other side with a bowl of popcorn. "Everyone's coming over tonight?"

"Suprise" he shrugged. "Something small as requested."

"Thank you" she rested against his side as she started looking for The Incredibles.

"Was this your choice or someone else's?" Rafael asked looking at Noah suspciously.

Noah giggled and pulled Nate closer to his body. "Mommy picked my siggesion"

"Suggestion" Olivia corrected softly. "And yeah, why not have some child-like fun"

xxx

"Hey Jesse you wanna go see bean?" Noah didn't wait for an answer, instead he dragged Jesse over to Nate's swing.

"He's getting better" Amanda commented as she joined Olivia in the kitchen.

"Yeah, he wants to hold Nate all the time now. Rafa thinks they're conspiring against us." Olivia laughed

"Look mommy! Bean's holding Jesse's hand too!" Noah shouted over the light music.

"I see No. But remember we have to use our inside voices" she gently reminded him. "Nate would be calm through Noah's shouting but if we put him in the bassinet wrong he starts bawling."

"They are conspiring against you guys" Amanda pulled down a couple glasses from the cabinet. "How much milk do you have stored?" She asked.

"A bit. Why?" Olivia came into the kitchen. 

"Because" Amanda poured a generous glass of wine. "Happy birthday Liv. I know you haven't had in almost a year and I know you need it. It's the one you love."

Olivia gratefully took the glass and had a few sips. "I forgot how much I needed this. You didn't need to buy such an expensive bottle."

"It's a gift Liv. Just accept it and enjoy"

"Mommy" Noah ran into the kitchen. "Uncle Fin gave me and Jesse all this candy." The wild look in Noah's eyes showed he already had a bit too much. "Rafa told me I couldn't give bean any."

"I told you that you have to wait until Nate's older. Until then, just tell him how good it taste."

"It tastes amazing!" 

Olivia and Amanda glared at Fin. "Thank you Odafin, for giving me a sugar crazed 5 year old." Olivia sat down on the couch next to Rafael.

"The kids ask and I deliver" he shrugged. "I got you the best gift you need right now" Fin said pulling out a folder. "Need you to sign off on a case" he handed it to Olivia.

"Look Rafa." Olivia fanned the pages at him. "It's a case. With pages and real words." She was bouncing on her seat.

"Told you she woulda liked it" Fin grinned.

"Don't think I've ever seen anybody this excited over a case. " Carisi joked.

"The last book I read was the hungry caterpillar. And before that, a board book I can't remember the last time I saw words meant for an adult."

"That baby brain hits hard" Amanda laughed. "I got better after I came back to work. Speaking of, when are you coming back?"

"Umm" Rafael glanced at Olivia.

"1st of next month" she answered still reading through the case. "I talked to Dodds last week."

"You spoke to Dodds? When?" Rafael asked.

"When you went to work" Olivia looked at him. "Is something wrong?"

"No. I just thought we would talk about it"

"But we already talked about it when Nate was born. I said I would talk to Dodds when Nate turned three months old. He'll be three months next week. I don't see the issue"

"There is no issue" Rafael shrugged. "I just thought _we_ would talk before you called your boss"

"I did talk to you Rafael. We both knew I would eventually go back to work." Olivia argued

"I know you would have eventually gone back to work" Rafael pointed out.

"Great you started a lover's quarrel" Fin whispered to Amanda.

"How was I supposed to know they didn't talk about it?" She whispered back. "And you're the one that gave her the case."

"I'm not mad Olivia. I understand that you want to go back to work." Rafael conceeded. 

"Okay" Olivia really didn't like that their first almost fight was in the presence of so many people. "I can sign this for you later Fin"

"Rafi, _mijo_ , maybe give Olivia her gift?" Lucia nudged a small box towards Rafael.

"Right" he took the box. "I got this for you. Happy birthday Liv."

"You didn't have to get me a gift Rafa," Olivia said taking the small box. "I barely remembered it was my birthday."

"All the more reason to get you a gift. Come on, open it." He was also curious about what his mother had bought.

"Oh Rafa" Olivia whispered. She pulled out the golden necklace with a heart charm at the end. "It's beautiful. Are these the boys' birthstones?" She touched the small gems on opposite halves of the heart.

Rafael looked looked at his mother, thanking her with his eyes. He turned back to Olivia, "Do you like it?"

"I love it. Can you?"

"Of course." Rafael took the necklace as Olivia held her hair up.

"You got good taste Barba" Fin said as he watched.

"Expensive taste" Amanda mumbled over her glass of wine.

"This was...this is so thoughtful" Olivia touched the necklace.

"Only the best for you, _amor_ " he kissed her cheek. "I'm sorry for getting upset. We can call Lucy and ask her to come back full time" Rafael whispered.

"Thank you"

"Well I feel like my gift pales in comparison to that" Carisi handed Olivia an envelope. Rafael used that time to go to the kitchen and Lucia followed.

"How much do I owe you _mami_?" He whispered as he took the cake out of the fridge.

"I had them put gems in a gold charm in less than a day. I think you can figure out the price range."

"I would pay you back and then some. You have no idea how much you just saved me."

Lucia looked over her son's shoulder. "You paid for the cake to look like that?"

"No I did it this morning. I couldn't convince the bakery to make a German chocolate cake and decorate it on such short notice" Rafael said as he stuck the 22 candle in the center.

"Oh _mijo_ " Lucia patted his shoulder. "You're lucky that she loves you."

Rafael glared at his mother as he lit the candle. 

"It's singing time" Carisi said before leading them all in a wobbly, slightly off key version of the Happy Birthday song.

Rafael gently placed the cake on the coffee table in front of Olivia and she laughed at the 22 candle. She looked up at her family.

Fin's singing was worse than Carisi, who was recording the whole thing. Amanda moved Jesse to her hip. Nate just gurgled happily in Lucia's arms and it was taking all of Rafael's strength to stop Noah from bouncing.

Olivia looked back at the candle and just blew it out. She didn't have a wish. Everything she wanted was already here.

______

Rafael came home a few days later to the sight of Olivia folding clothes.

"Hey" she greeted. "Noah wants to know when he can sleepover at your mom's. I think just spending the last few Saturdays isn't enough anymore."

"How about tonight?" Rafael put down his briefcase and moved closer to Olivia.

"Tonight? What's happening tonight?"

"We put the cart before the horse three times over. I thought I could take you out on a proper date tonight. Not just us in front the tv with Noah and Nate between us."

"The boys?"

"I kinda talked to Rollins and _mami_ already. They have a whole system set up that I don't really understand." He nervously fiddled with his thumbs. "Is that something you want to do? Go on a date with me?"

Olivia smiled. For the first time in 6 years he looked nervous and unsire of what to say. "I would love to go on a date with you Rafa."

"Really?"

"Yes" she laughed. "How much time do I have to get ready?"

"About two hours."

"Rafa I can't ready in two hours. I'm a complete mess." Olivia gestured to the sweatshirt and yoga pants she was wearing

"You have never been a mess Liv"

"Where are we going?"

"That fancy Italian place downtown. I got us a table by some miracle." 

"Raf" Olivia said exasperately. "You couldn't tell me this earlier. I have to take a shower and get the boys ready."

Rafael could see his plan slowly backfiring. "We could always have a date inside. Just us and the boys. I don't want to make you feel forced."

"No. No." Olivia stood up. "I think we deserve a date with just us. If you could get Nate together while I shower, I think Noah's somewhat capable of choosing clothes for an overnight bag."

"I can do that and while you're getting dressed, I'll take a quick shower"

xxx

Olivia opened the door at the sound of knocking.

"This is nice" Amanda commented as she saw Olivia in a short sleeved maroon dress, that cinched at the waist and flared out to her knees.

"Oh wow lieu. You look amazing" Carisi complimented as he walked toward the bag on the couch.

Olivia blushed slightly. "Thanks Sonny." She ran her palms over the front of the dress again. "Remember to grab the extra wipes from the changing table. The one in the bag is almost finished."

"Yeah yeah. So where are you and Barba headed?"

"Out Carisi" Rafael teased as he came out of the bedroom. 

Carisi made a face. "Come on Noah. Let's get you to your _abuelita_ "

"I'm gonna sleep over this time" Noah said as he grabbed his iPad. He ran over to hug his mother.

"Be good for _abuelita_. Listen to whatever she says and help with Nate."

"I will" Noah hugged Rafael quickly before picking up his backpack.

Olivia took Nate out of his swing. "Okay bean, you have to behave tonight. No screaming." He blinked back at Olivia. She kissed his chubby cheek. "I love you." Rafael just simply rubbed Nate's back.

"Do you have the milk?" Olivia asked.

"Yep" Amanda put it in the small cooler bag.

"And his bag?"

"Got it all here lieu" Carisi lifted the grey bag.

"Okay" Olivia laid Nate gently in the carseat.

" _Mami_ promised to send a picture every 30 minutes"

Amanda picked up the carseat. "If something happens we'll call. But you kids have fun."

Carisi took Noah's hand. "Bring us back some cake. Bye lieu. Bye Barba." They walked towards the door.

"Bye boys" Olivia waved as the front door closed.

"Ready to head out?" Rafael asked softly.

"Yeah. We should go if we want to make our reservation."

xxx

Dinner had been perfect. Conversation had flowed naturally, Rafael owed it up to them living together for so long already. They were now having dessert and Rafael was still feeling uneasy about the necklace Olivia was wearing.

"Full disclosure?" Rafael asked as he gently bumped his knee against Olivia's in the booth.

"Everything okay?" Olivia looked up from her cheesecake.

"Your gift," Rafael squirmed on his seat, "the necklace."

Olivia touched the golden pendant. "What about it?"

"I never got it for you."

"So where did it come from? You said it was from you."

Rafael sighed as he looked down. "I honestly forgot your birthday and I called _mami_ for help. She bought the necklace and I paid her back the next day."

"So you lied about getting me the gift?" Olivia raised an eyebrow, "why?"

"Because we agreed on no gifts for Christmas, which we both stuck to. It was our first Christmas _together_ and we didn't get the chance to get each other a gift. Then we both slept through New Year's Eve. I just felt like I needed to do something for your birthday."

"Oh Rafa" Olivia placed a hand on his. "I wouldn't have cared if you didn't get me a gift."

"I would have cared. You deserved a special birthday Liv."

Olivia squeezed his hand. "I got to spend the day with my three favorite guys. Then the rest of my family came over later that night. Nate's starting to sleep for four hours at a time. And I read something with actual words in there Rafa. My birthday was already special as is. You didn't have to feel bad about not giving me a gift."

"So you want me to return it?"

"No. I love this" Olivia's hand flew to her necklace. "It was still a gift given to me."

"I – well we made this for you" he pulled out a scroll from his jacket and pushed it towards Olivia. "Consider it your actual present from us"

Olivia pulled off the small bow and unrolled the paper. She recognized Rafael's handwriting:

'When you hold our hands...'

There was a painting of all their handprints. Even Nate's little smudgy one.

'You hold our hearts'

Rafael had drawn the large heart below but it was clear Noah had colored it.

'Love Rafa, NoaH and Nate'

"You hate it?" Rafael guessed at Olivia's facial expression. "I know it's very corny but it was the quickest gift I could think of that involved all of us. We could go buy something at the mall tomorrow to make up for this"

Olivia stopped his rambling by wrapping him in a bone crushing hug. "I love it. How did you get his little hand?"

"It took a lot of patience and a full, sleeping baby." He pulled back from Olivia. "You really love it?"

"Yes. This is the best gift I ever got" she placed a hand to the back of his neck to pull him closer and crashed her lips into his.

He brought a hand to her hair as the other reached for her waist. Olivia turned her head slightly to deepen the kiss. Rafael moved in closer still as he tried to slip his tongue into her mouth to touch hers. Her mouth tasted of the cheesecake she had just been eating.

It took a few seconds before he pulled back, resting his forehead gently against her. "Liv"

"We should..." Olivia stared into his dilated eyes. Almost all of the green was gone.

"Get the check" he whispered

"Please"

xxx

"Rafa" Olivia breathed, as she tried to hold herself up against the door. He was assaulting her jawline with openmouthed kisses.

"Don't tell me to stop. Don't tell me to walk away." A parody of the words he had said over a year ago. Unlike the last time his lips were ghosting her neck. "Livia. _Amor_. Please." He groaned against her skin. He thrusted his hips forward a bit to show Olivia how much he wanted this. "I can't take another cold shower."

"Yes" she moaned as she reached for the buttons on his shirt. "Yes Rafa. Oh God yes."

His lips connected to her skin as he pulled down her zipper.

Olivia stepped out of the dress before pushing Rafael gently towards the bedroom. He threw his jacket towards the couch and shucked off his shirt as he took a few steps back. 

She fumbled to undo his belt. Neither paid any mind to the sound of the buckle hitting the floor. Shoes were toed off and kicked about the hall.

Olivia squealed a bit when Rafael picked her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he kicked the bedroom door closed behind them.

xxx

"You are the worst Carisi" Amanda cursed as she parked outside of Olivia's building. All Carisi had to do was get the extra pack of wipes for Nate when he picked them up earlier. Now she was forced to leave Lucia with three children. At least Nate was sleeping and Jesse and Noah were well behaved, mostly.

She wanted to call Olivia but was scared that she might ruin their date night.

Thank the Lord for spare keys.

"Hey Liv" Amanda said softly incase they were in there. "We forgot the wipes." She continued inching toward the changing table. The apartment was dark and Amanda assumed they were sleeping. Had the lights been on she would have noticed clothes strewn all over the hall to Olivia's room.

Amanda grabbed the pack of wipes from the changing table. She was just about to leave when she heard a noise. "Liv?" She whispered

"Rafa," she heard Olivia moan. There was some mumbling in Spanish and the telltale sound of the headboard hitting the wall. Amanda's eyes widened. _Oh they were — Oh!_

"Rafa." She was getting louder. Amanda darted through the hall as Olivia's moans became longer. She closed the front door just as she heard Olivia shout, "Rafael!"

"Well someone had fun on date night" Amanda murmured.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For everyone that was blowing up my inbox about a second barson baby, I want one too. But I have some other things I wanna do first that I have somewhat mapped out.
> 
> So you will get it in about 6 or 7 chapters

"Everything okay?" Rafael asked softly. It was only 6 am, much too early for Olivia to just be sitting at the foot of the bed.

"Should I stay home some more?" She whispered.

Rafael sat up and shuffled over to her. "You don't feel ready?"

Olivia sighed, "I'm ready. I think I mostly am. But what about Nate? What about Noah? I've been home with him for 5 months now, yes Nate was here for three of those months but I was still here when he got home from school everyday." She looked down, parts of her body were still soft from pregnancy. "I'm not even in the same shape I used to be."

He rubbed her shoulders. "Olivia you are in the most amazing shape. Your body has nothing to do with you leading your squad effectively. If you feel ready, you know Nate and Noah will be taken care of. I'm home today and tomorrow. Lucy's starting back tomorrow and Noah's safe at school."

"I know, but I just want to be near them all the time."

"Because you are their mother" Rafael whispered. "You will always want to be near them." He pulled away and moved to his bedside table. "I got you something to put on your desk" he handed her two picture frames. "I looked through the pictures you had of us and figured you would want these close."

Olivia turned them over. It was the first few pictures she had taken when Noah had finally warmed up to Nate. He didn't even look up at the camera, only Rafael was smiling in the first one and in the second both boys only had eyes for each other.

"Thank you for this."

"You're welcome _hermosa_." Rafael kissed the back of her neck. "And you don't have to dive straight into the deep end, wade in the shallow for a bit. Work for 3 days and stay home for 2" he suggested.

"I'll think about it." She glanced at the time. "We have about an hour before any of the boys wake up."

"So what do you want to do?" He whispered near her ear. Rafael smirked when he felt Olivia shudder slightly. "I think we need a shower"

xxx

Olivia hugged Nate close. She nuzzled her cheek to his and Nate fumbled around, grabbing a couple strands of her hair and pulled.

Olivia winced. "Thank you bean. I'll miss you too. Be good for _papi_ okay?"

Nate cooed as he tried to nuzzle into Olivia's chest. "I'm sorry Nate, mommy has to go."

"Let me take him" Rafael pulled Nate gently and he started to fuss. Within a few seconds his fussing turned into a full blown wail.

"Rafa maybe I should stay home"

"No. You can go" he bounced Nate. "We're going to be fine."

"He's crying"

Rafael rocked a bit. "He's stopping. Maybe he just wasn't expecting to be moved"

Noah hugged Rafael. "Bye Rafa" he squeezed one of Nate's feet gently. "Bye bean. I'll see you later"

Olivia fiddled with her jacket. "You'll call me every hour?"

"Every 2 hours. You need to work Liv"

"Okay every 2 hours. And he's going to need a bottle every 4 hours."

"I know"

"Remember, 6 ounces."

"I know Liv, you wrote it down." Nate was also his son, but this didn't seem like the time to point that out. He switched Nate to his other arm. He guided Olivia closer to the door. "I love you Livia, you are going to be amazing and I will give you 2 hour updates until you walk through that door."

"I love you too"

"Noah's going to be late" Rafael whispered.

"Right." Olivia grabbed Noah's hand. "You're picking up Noah right?"

"Yes I am"

"Pick up is at 2:45. I told the school you would be coming."

"You wrote that down too Liv. I know what I'm doing. Mostly."

Olivia hung her head. "Right. Love you both."

"We love you too. Have a good day."

"I will try"

Bye Liv" Rafael gently closee the door because he knew Olivia couldn't. He bounced Nate gently as he walked back. "So what are you and me going to do?"

Nate hummed as he tried to put a couple fingers into his mouth. 

"No" Rafael scolded lightly. "You just ate. Let's go help me with some paperwork."

xxx

"Lieu!" Carisi greeted when Olivia entered the squad room. "Got you donuts."

Olivia chuckled. "Thanks Carisi, but I need to lay off the donuts if I ever want to drop this baby weight."

"You could report me to HR after this, but Liv your body looks amazing. A few donuts isn't gonna kill anybody." He took out one from the bag. "I'll eat one with you, that way we'll both get fat."

Olivia laughed before taking a donut. "Thanks Carisi."

"Hey Liv" Amanda geeted as she walked in the room, "glad to have you back."

"Good to be back" Olivia furrowed her brow when she realised Amanda wasn't looking at her face. "Want a donut?"

"Please" 

Fin walked into the room. "Hey! Liv's back. Thought you woulda flaked on us."

"I almost did. Rafael gave me these pictures to put on my desk to help" Olivia took the frames out of her bag. "Speaking of, I should get to my office." Amanda had yet to look at her. "Rollins, come with me a second.

xxx

"Is there something wrong?" Olivia asked.

"With?"

"You haven't looked me in the eye since I walked in."

Amanda shuffled her feet awkwardly "Remember that date night you and Barba had like 2 weeks ago?"

"Yeah?"

"Well Carisi forgot the wipes. So I stopped by to get it."

"You never came over that night."

"I did" Amanda rubbed her neck sheepishly. "I didn't want to ruin your night, so I just used my spare key. I thought you two were sleeping because the apartment was so dark. But you weren't sleeping."

"Amanda I'm not following"

"You two were not sleeping. Actually you were having a _pretty_ good time. Although I gotta say Liv, I never expected you to be that loud in bed."

Olivia's mouth opened. "No" she gasped.

"Heard you all the way by the front door when I was leaving"

Olivia buried her face in her hands. "No. No. No."

"Oh yes, yes, yes. Barba must have been really been doing something amazing" Amanda smirked as she sat in one of the chairs. 

Olivia blushed. "Please Amanda"

"I just gotta know, Barba is relentless in court. Does that skill... y'know. Was it like one big one or..."

Olivia lifted her head and slowly lifted four fingers.

"Damn Barba!" Amanda shouted and Olivia shushed her. "Does he like to be called counsellor?"

Olivia didn't think her cheeks could get any redder. "Don't you have work?"

"No. And this is way more interesting." She smirked, "so is that a yes or a no to the counsellor thing?"

"I'm pleading the 5th."

"Fine. Keep your kinks. But back to that four, was it back to back? Or kinda spaced out?"

"Amanda!" Olivia slapped her hands on the table.

"Back to back. Nice" Amanda shook her head approvingly. "No wonder you looked so worn out the next day."

"Go find work Rollins."

"I'm going. I'm going. But just know if you guys want to try to break another record, I can babysit for free."

Olivia crumpled up a paper and threw it at Amanda. "Out of my office"

"No problem boss" Amanda laughed as she finally got off the chair.

"Amanda" Olivia called out before she left. "Tell no one about this conversation."

"It will never leave my lips.

xxx

Rafael nervously ran a hand down Nate's back as he felt the stares from the other parents. He had never picked up Noah from school before and they were making it obvious that he was a stranger.

"Pretty soon Noah would be here. Then we could leave before anyone asks any questions," Rafael whispered. He looked up when the doors opened.

"Rafa! Bean!" Noah ran towards them.

Rafael grimaced when he felt Nate spit up. He should have never fed Nate before they left. And he foolishly left the diaper bag home. He pulled a napkin out of his pocket and gently wiped Nate's mouth. 

Noah dragged a boy over to where they were standing. "This is my brother that I was telling you about. His name is Nate but we call him bean"

"Cool."

"I hold him and feed him sometimes" Noah boasted "and he holds my hand"

"I wish my mommy had a baby brother."

A woman came rushing over. "Michael, don't bother the nice man." She grabbed his hand, giving Rafael an apologetic smile.

"But mom" he whined as they left. "Noah was showing me his new brother."

"Come on _mijo_ , let's head on home. Before this stain sets in." Rafael grabbed Noah's hand and the two started off to the apartment.

"Got any homework?"

Noah shook his head wildly as he skipped next to Rafael. "We have to read a book and then an adult has to sign my paper."

"We can get started on that while we wait for your mom to come home."

They were about a block away when Rafael felt Noah tense up. He looked down in confusion, " _niño_?" Nate relaxed with a grunt. "Alright" he placed a hand below Nate, that was feeling suspiciously warm.

Noah scrunched up his nose. "Rafa? What's that smell?"

Rafael looked down at Nate whose face was tilted slightly to him in a smirk. "You..." The area underneath his hand was feeling soft. "Nate, please no." Nate tensed up and grunted again.

_Mierda_

xxx

"I see the toy box is decorative" Olivia teased as she walked through the front door.

"Mommy!" Noah ran to tackle her.

"Hi, sweet boy. I missed you today" Olivia couldn't get 2 hour updates from Noah's teacher and she had lost count how many times she touched the pictures on her desk.

"I missed you too. Rafa said we can make _arroz con pollo_ for dinner."

"Very good, because I'm starving" she finally let go of Noah and looked at Rafael who was slowly getting off the floor.

"The toy box is going to be used as soon as were done" he picked up Nate. "Tell mommy we watched some tv. You helped me do some work. We took a bath. We had tummy time and then we went to pick up Noah, and someone got a little excited when they saw Noah and decided to spit up on _papi_ 's shirt."

Olivia laughed. "You're joking?"

"That's not all. There was also a poop explosion about a block away."

Olivia took Nate from Rafael. "You gave _papi_ a run for his money today." Nate just gurgled happily as he tried to put his fingers into his mouth

"It was really smelly mommy. I gave Rafa the scissors to cut off Nate's clothes. And we throwed them away."

"You didn't" Olivia gasped

"Do not judge me Olivia. You were not there. The only reason I did not burn that baby carrier is because it would set off the fire alarm."

Olivia bounced Nate. "How bad could it have been?" She cooed. " _Papi_ and Noah are just overreacting. You would never do anything that bad" She looked at Noah and Rafael.

They were both looking at her with an arched eye brow "Figure out where Carisi got that baby carrier Liv. Cause we have to throw that one away" he pointed to the carrier near the garbage can. "The smell is not coming out."

Olivia picked up the baby carrier. She looked at the stain. "What did you do?" She laughed

"Nothing. I fed him. Got him dressed. Then I strapped him up and we took a walk to get Noah."

"Oh Rafa, moving Nate after he eats makes him... He likes being kept still after."

"That advice would have been helpful a few hours ago"

"Sorry. But was everything okay today?"

"Everything was fine. Noah and I did some reading when we came home. The mom's gave me strange looks at pick up though."

"No questions right?"

"Not one. Thank God" Olivia followed him as he walked to the kitchen. "So how was work?"

"I think I'm okay with going to work. It was nice to talk to another adult besides you. No offense" she added quickly.

"None taken."

"It was also nice to get back to one of the major aspects of my life."

Rafael made quick work of pouring juice into two glasses. He gave one to Olivia, "to work" he raised his glass.

"To work" she smiled, raising hers as well. "By the way, Rollins heard us having sex"

"Wh-what?" Rafael choked on his juice.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My own version of Elliot's return

"Mommy can I buy this?" Noah asked holding up a toy car.

"I guess so. Rafa's gonna be here soon so we have to hurry." Rafael had already texted that he was putting his briefcase in the car and coming to meet them.

Noah pulled the car closer to his chest. "I'll be quick."

"Let's go" Olivia moved toward the cashier.

"I can do it by myself. I'm res-spons-ible" Noah took his time with the word as he puffed out his chest. "Rafa gave me money."

"I'm standing right here, okay?" She was near the exit with a clear view of the cashier.

Noah nodded before running off. Olivia stroked Nate's back as she watched Noah wait in the small line.

"Liv?" She heard from behind her. 

She knew that voice. It had been years since she heard it.

Olivia turned around. "Elliot?"

"I thought it was you I-" that was all Elliot got out before Olivia slapped him across the face. He clutched his cheek. "I deserved that."

"You deserve that and more" Olivia hissed. Nate's head nuzzled her chest and she bounced him slightly. Noah grabbed her jacket. "Mommy? Are you okay?"

Olivia reached down to grab his hand, tearing her eyes away from Elliot. "I'm okay. Did you get your toy?"

Noah lifted the bag. "I got a recipe. The man put it in the bag."

"Recipt, sweet boy" she corrected. She saw Rafael outside the store looking for them. "Come on. Let's go" she led him out the store. 

"Liv, wait" Elliot touched her arm.

"Don't you dare touch me." Olivia pulled away her arm before ushering Noah out of the store.

"Who was that man mommy?" Noah asked.

"No one special. Look Rafa's here." She quickly distracted him. Noah hurtled hinself into Rafael's arms. "Rafa! I bought myself a toy"

"Awesome _mijo_ ," he looked up at Olivia. "Hey" Rafael greeted, "you okay?" She was looking tense.

"I'm fine. Just ready to go buy this guy some new clothes."

"Want me to take Nate?" He offered

She wrapped an arm around Nate. "No. We're okay." Olivia gave one last look at Elliot standing in the toy store before walking away.

______

"Son of a bitch" Fin mumbled, "Elliot?"

"Fin" he nodded in greeting, "how are things?"

"You got some balls showing up here after all these years." Fin crossed his arms over his chest.

"I need to talk to Liv."

"Nah she's waiting for a guy from organized crime."

"That would be me."

Olivia chose that time to come out of her office. "Hey Fin when organized crime gets here, tell them I wanna talk before handing over the case"

"Right, bout that" He nodded towards Elliot. 

"I think I'm the guy you were waiting for" Elliot said meekly

Olivia's jaw tensed. _Are you fricking kidding me?_

"I can get him up to speed if you want" Fin offered

"No. I'll do it. My office" Olivia swiftly turned into her office. She sat in her chair and nervously adjusted the items on her desk. The picture of Rafael, Noah and Nate made her smile a bit.

Elliot closed the door behind him and sat on the chair on the other side of her desk. "So lieutenant Benson" he grinned as he touched her name plate. He turned the picture nearest to him. "These your kids?"

"Don't" she pulled the frame closer to her. "You don't just waltz in here and touch my pictures."

"Sorry." Elliot looked down at his lap.

"We caught a case about two days ago. At first we thought it was one man assaulting all of these women, but witness statements have shown that it's at least three different perps. Dodds said we should loop organized crime into this."

"Liv," Elliot stopped her speech, "can we talk?"

Olivia pursed her lips, "about what?"

"About us. About how things ended."

"You just left us Elliot. Left me. What more is there to talk about?"

"I'm sorry"

"You're sorry?" Olivia threw up her hands. "You put in your papers and never thought to tell any of us. You never thought to tell me. I had to pack up your desk like you had died. I tried to call you, but your number had been disconnected. I tried dropping off your things at your house but it was being sold with no forwarding address. You snuck in here in the dead of night and took your things and left."

"I couldn't" Elliot started

"Couldn't what? Couldn't be a man and talk to me? Tell me you were leaving?"

"If I talked to you, I know you would have tried to talk me out of it. SVU took so much from me. I almost lost my wife and my kids. I had to shoot a child Olivia. I just couldn't."

"And you didn't think I would have understood? You just abandoned me and now you want to come in here and talk as if nothing has changed. Everything has changed Elliot."

"Liv, I just... I wanted to reach out so many times. But then days turned into months and then too much time had passed. It didn't seem right to reach out anymore."

"It didn't seem right?" Olivia leaned slightly across the desk. "Do you know how much I've been through? Do you know how many times I needed you by my side? And you just couldn't care to reach out."

"I cared Olivia. But how could I come back to you after how I left? After all that time?"

Olivia rolled her eyes. "So just forgive you? Because you cared?"

Elliot reached across the desk to hold her hand but Olivia pulled away. "We should talk outside of here. Come over for dinner Thursday"

"Thursday is spaghetti night." Olivia said as she grabbed her ringing phone.

"Then Friday night?"

Olivia held up a finger as she answered her phone.

x

Rafael stopped outside the precinct. He really should have called first. 

"Hey Liv, we're still on for lunch?"

"Yeah. Sure" she sounded distracted.

"I'm coming up in a few."

"Good. Come right in." 

Rafael pulled away the phone from his ear in confusion when he realised Olivia hung up. He got on the elevator and pressed the button for the right floor.

"Hey Fin" Rafael said when he came off the elevator. He saw the blinds closed in Olivia's office. "Liv in?"

"Yeah, but she's talkin' with somebody right now"

"But she told me to come right in."

"When?"

Like a minute ago."

Fin shrugged, "then I guess go ahead man."

Rafael pushed open the door, "hey Livia, I got you ham and...cheese..." He trailed off when he saw someone else in her office. "You want me to wait outside?"

"No. Elliot was just leaving." Olivia turned to Elliot. "See sergeant Tutuola for the case files."

"Can you think about dinner on Friday Liv?" Elliot asked.

"I have a lunch appointment right now."

"Just think about it" Elliot wrote his new address on a business card and slid it on her desk before leaving.

"So what was that?" Rafael asked as he put the paper bag on her desk.

"That was Elliot Stabler."

"As in your old partner?" Rafael was sure his eyebrows were in his hairline.

"Yep" Olivia shifted a few papers around on her desk.

"He wants you to come to dinner with him?" 

"He wants me to come to dinner at his house." Olivia corrected. "I'm not going."

"Why not?"

"Why should I? He clearly never wanted to see me after all these years. It was just luck that he ran into me at that toy store three days ago."

"Livia, he was your best friend. Your partner for 12 years–"

"–And he just walked away Rafael!"

"Okay, okay" Rafael sat on the edge of her desk. "But shouldn't you hear him out. Figure out what kept him away. Try to rekindle your relationship." He reached for her hand. "Liv, when I left, you took me back no questions asked. Even after I said Nate wasn't mine."

"You came back to find me pregnant with a baby we didn't think was possible. And I love you Rafa. That was totally different from what happened with Elliot and I."

"And at one point you loved him, not in the same context as us, but you loved him. You should at least hear him out. Don't you think you owe each other that?"

______

"Olivia" Elliot breathed when opened the door on Friday night. "I didn't think you would show up. Come in" he stepped aside to let them in.

"We weren't planning to" Olivia huffed slightly.

Rafael took off Noah's coat. "Yes, our babysitter cancelled last minute." Rafael lied, "we just decided to bring the boys."

"You're the man mommy slapped" Noah pointed out.

Rafael stared at Olivia and she refused to make eye contact with him. He cleared his throat, "Rafael Barba."

"Elliot. I was Liv's old partner." The two men shook hands.

"This is Noah and Nate is in Liv's arms." Rafael lifted a bottle, "we brought Cabernet."

"Thank you. Dining room's this way." Elliot led them through the house. "Kathy, Liv's here"

Kathy stood up. "Oh my God Liv" she got up to meet Olivia, "yo-you have kids."

"Alot has happened in the time you guys disappeared." Olivia gave a strained smile.

"Right, please sit."

Olivia and Rafael sat opposite to Kathy, with Noah settled between them. 

"Let me go get Eli" Elliot left the room.

"So how old are you?" Kathy asked Noah.

"I'm gonna be six soon and Nate's still a baby. How old are you?"

Rafael snickered and Olivia placed a hand on Noah's arm. "We don't ask adults questions like that sweet boy."

"Sorry. Are you my mommy's friend?"

Kathy's eyes flickered to Olivia. "I... I am."

Elliot returned with Eli, his blonde hair covered his forehead. His head was at the same level as Elliot's shoulder.

"Eli you may not remember, but, this is your aunt Liv."

He gave Olivia a shy wave. "I guess I kinda remember you. You were my dad's partner. He talked about you before."

"That's nice. I never... You got so tall. How old are you now?"

"11."

There was an awkward silence as everyone got situated around the table. Rafael looked around at all the adults, Kathy and Elliot were looking down at their plate, possibly trying to think of something to say. Olivia was holding Nate securely in her arms, basically using him as a shield.

"So, is Eli your only son?" Rafael asked after a minute had passed.

"No, we have 4 other children. 3 girls and 1 boy." Kathy answered.

Olivia's eyes flickered around the room.

"Maureen lives in Delaware with her family." Elliot could see Olivia trying to think. "Lizzie is vacationing with some college friends right now. Dickie is in the army and Kathleen lives with her fiancé, she couldn't make it tonight."

Olivia nodded. "What's for dinner?"

"Chicken."

Olivia fixed Nate on her left side and Rafael didn't know if it was a coincidence or as an excuse not to hold Kathy's hand during grace.

"Nice for you to join us Liv," Kathy said softly, "Elliot told me that you became the lieutenant. That's pretty amazing."

"It is. I was the only senior member of the squad that remained. It made more sense than bringing in someone different." Olivia put some food on Noah's plate.

Rafael cleared his throat slightly, "she's amazing at her job. The best commanding officer SVU has had in years."

Olivia balanced Nate between the crook of her arm and her knee and cut Noah's food into smaller pieces. Rafael would have offered to help but he knew she wanted this distraction.

"So umm Rafael, what do you do?" Elliot asked.

"I'm a lawyer"

"Oh so you two met at work?" Kathy asked.

They both chuckled remembering their first meeting. "Yes we met at work. I was their ADA for six years. Now I work at a conviction unit, helping wrongfully accused people get the verdict they deserved."

"Prosecution to defense is a big jump" Elliot observed.

"It was a necessary jump"

"Mommy" Noah whispered, "I don't like the orange stuffs." He pointed to the small pieces of squash Olivia had placed on his plate.

Olivia switched his squash with the broccoli on her plate. "You have to eat that, okay?"

"Okay." Noah returned to his dinner.

Rafael took a sip of his wine. This was going to be an awkward dinner.

Dinner and dessert had passed with Olivia giving short answers to any of Kathy or Elliot's question.

"It's nice that they realized they were wrong" Elliot said softly.

"What?"

"Adoption" he gestured towards Noah and Nate in her lap, "you are an amazing mother."

Before Olivia could voice her thanks, Noah scrunched up his nose. "Bean's not adopted. He came from mommy's belly" he argued.

Elliot choked on his wine slightly. "I'm sorry?"

Rafael was silently begging Noah to stop but he continued. "Yeah, her belly got really, really huge" he held out his hands, "then the power went away and uncle Sonny took us to the hospital cause mommy peed her pants and her belly was hurting. Then _abuelita_ took me home and I saw bean the next day"

"Thank you Noah" Olivia whispered. She seriously had no intentions of telling her whole story.

"And he drinks milk from mommy's bo–" Rafael clampped a hand on Noah's mouth. "That's enough _mijo_."

"Eli why don't you show Noah some of your legos?" Kathy offered. "Maybe the two of you can continue building your spaceship."

"It's the Death Star mom," Eli groaned but he still waited for Noah to go build with his legos in the living room.

"So you were pregnant? Congratulations." Elliot smiled. "I know that had been a dream of yours"

Olivia stroked Nate's hair and smiled. "He really was a miracle. Both of them"

"You had two..."

"No. Noah is adopted. Something that I never thought was possible. But they practically threw him in my lap almost four years ago. I almost lost him but..." Rafael reached over and squeezed Olivia's arm. Nate stretched as he opened his eyes.

"Oh his eyes are gorgeous" Kathy gushed.

Nate cooed as he looked at Rafael. "Hi _niño_ " Olivia passed Nate to him. He whispered to Nate in Spanish and Olivia smiled softly at the two of them.

Elliot smiled when Olivia finally looked up at him. "Want to help me get some coffee?"

"Sure," Olivia followed him to the kitchen.

"You and your husband seem very happy. I'm happy for you Liv"

Olivia smiled. "Thank you, but, Rafa's not my husband. We've only been together a few months actually."

"But Nate"

"We just shared a moment and then Nate. He had moved away right after, we only saw each other again about 2 months before Nate was born."

"Doesn't change the fact that I'm happy for you."

Olivia looked down as Elliot grabbed a few mugs. "Why did you just leave? I thought I deserved more."

"You did. You deserved way more than what I gave you at that time. But what I said in your office was true, I just needed to focus on me and my family and I didn't want anyone trying to talk me out of it. It was easier to just disappear than try to explain to all of you. But I should have been there for you. I should have told you. I'm sorry Liv. I really am sorry for how I left you. Can you forgive me? You don't have to forgive me for hiding from you for years, but forgive me for how I left you."

Olivia searched Elliot's eyes and could see the sincerity in them. "I..."

"You don't have to say anything right now. I'm just glad you came to dinner." He poured coffee into the mugs. "Cream and lots of sugar?" He asked.

"Y-yeah. I'm suprised you remembered."

Elliot shrugged. "I don't know how your boyfriend likes it."

"Black" Olivia took one of the mugs and started back toward the dining room.

Kathy was in Noah's empty chair, holding Nate, "oh Liv," she gushed. "He's an angel."

"You should hold him when he's hungry." Olivia slid the cup of coffee to Rafael before sitting back in her seat. "Not even a priest could get him quiet."

"I told you the water was just cold" Rafael said.

Kathy and Elliot looked between them, obviously missing part of the story.

"At his christening about a week ago," Olivia explained. "He just screamed the whole time. I don't think they have ever rushed through one that fast."

Kathy gave a sympathetic smile, "sounds alot like Dickie."

"We also figured out on that day that Fin has a 'soothing voice'" Rafael said.

"You got Fin to hold a baby?" Elliot asked with a laugh. "I would have paid to see that."

"He's their godfather. He's actually pretty good with them. Although he mostly gives Noah candy and loud toys." Olivia said with a small smile.

"I actually have a video," Rafael took out his phone, "you mind..." He waited for Olivia to give him the go ahead before showing the video.

Elliot had to strain his ears slightly to hear what Fin was whispering over the music. "Is he...talking about a case?"

"Rape and double homicide we had 2 weeks ago. He claims he makes them child friendly."

Elliot continued looking at the video. "Munch and Cragen were there?"

"Yeah. They were suprised but happy for me...for us."

"I think they mumbled something like 'about damn time'" Rafael quipped.

"How old is he Liv?" Kathy bounced Nate slightly.

"He turned 4 months yesterday." They both answered at the same time.

"He's the chunkiest 4 month baby I've ever seen."

"Because he eats like there's no tomorrow." Rafael whispered.

"He's not that bad Rafa" Olivia sighed.

Nate started to nuzzle Kathy's chest. When he couldn't get what he was looking for, he let out a small whimper. The adults were too busy talking to hear his early signs of hunger.

"Greediest baby I know" Rafael continued. Nate's cry interrupted him. He started kicking against Kathy as he cried.

"Kid has quite the lungs" Elliot murmured.

Olivia quickly took Nate, "it's alright bean. Mommy would get you fed soon." His loud cries softened to whimpers. "I left the bag in the car," she told Rafael, "can you?"

Before he got up, Elliot put a hand on his shoulder. "We should let you guys go." He got off the chair, "it was nice to see you Liv."

Olivia smiled as she bounced Nate. "Thanks for dinner." Nate's whimpers started getting louder. "I should get to the car."

"Yeah, sure. Take care Liv."

"I'll get Noah" Rafael said as Olivia went to the car. " _Mijo_!" He called out.

Noah came rushing out, "where's mommy and Nate?"

"We're getting ready to leave."

"Aww man, but I wanted to play with my new friend."

"We can talk to your _mami_ about coming another day. Now come get your coat."

"Okay" Noah pouted as he put on his coat. "Bye everybody," he waved.

"Bye Noah. It was nice to meet you," Elliot said. "Nice to meet you too Rafael."

"Likewise." Rafael gave a small nod as he ushered Noah toward the door.

______

"Hi, I'm looking for Elliot Stabler," Olivia told the first officer she saw when she entered the building.

"Just a second. Let me get him–"

"Liv?" Elliot walked out of a room. "What are you doing here?"

"I just - can we talk somewhere private?"

"Sure. Follow me." He led her to his office.

"So this is you huh" Olivia looked around the office. "Who would have thought that we would be in charge of our own units?"

"Not me," Elliot chuckled. "So what brings you to my neck of the woods?"

"I forgive you" she said suddenly. "It's not fair to you or me to keep hating you for leaving. It killed me when you left, but...life has changed. We have evolved. I'm even a mother," she let out a small laugh. "And I always teach Noah that he has to learn how to forgive others. It would be hypocritical of me to hang this over your head." Olivia took a deep breath, "so Elliot, I forgive you. For everything."

"Thank you Liv," Elliot smiled. "Thank you." He wrapped his arms around her.

Olivia stepped out of his hug after a minute. "Noah was telling me about how I have to let him come back to your house to build a death ship?"

"Death _Star_." Elliot corrected her. "And you _have_ to?"

"I have very headstrong sons," Olivia laughed.

"Well you are their mother. What'd you expect?"


End file.
